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S S y e F s EMINENT DOCTORS A t V y o u r s e r v i c e f r e e . jfot » Penny to Pay For the Fullest Medical Examination. E you are In doubt as to the cause your disease mall us a postal re questing a medical examination blank, . which you will fill out and return to us. Our doctors will carefully diag nose your case, and if you can be cured you will be told so; If you can not be cured you will be told so. You are not obligated to us in any way, for this advice Is absolutely free; you are at liberty to take our advice or not as you see fit. Send to-day for a medi cal examination blank, fill out and return to us as promptly as possible, and our eminent doctors will diagnose your case thoroughly absolutely free. Munyon's, 53d and Jefferson Sts., Philadelphia, Pa. Marvelous. \More than 5000 elephants a year go to make our piano keys,\ re marked the student boarder, who had been reading the scientific notes In a patent medicine almanac. \For the land's sake!’’ exclaimed the landlady. \Ain’t It wonderful what some animals can be trained to do?\—Chicago News. A SURE SIGN. When It Appears Act at Once. Trouble with the kidney secretions <C a certain sign that your kidneys are deranged— that you should use Doan’s Kidney Pills. They cure all Irregularities and an noyances, remove backache and side pains and restore the kidneys to health. Robert G. Miller, 315 Ferry St., Danville, Pa., blj ' s : \Kidney complaint made me a cripple. I was stiff, lame and sore ami had to endure terrible suf ferings. I was threatened with B right's disease and was refused in surance by the examining physicians. I was nervous, weak and run down. Doan’s Kidney Pills helped me, and In a short time 1 was entirely cured.\ Remember the name— Doan’s. -For sale by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-M ilburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. ------------------------------ English Fears of Invasion The S itter Experience o f France Cited by W a y of J u stification By H. IV. Stebblngs j R. Stegmiind Hubert In a letter smiles at British fears of a German invasion and talks of the wild panic lu London In 1683; but he need not go so far back—the coast towns Ot M r l the North Atlantic States were Just as panic-stricken dur- * 8 Ing the Spanlsh-Amerlcan war, though Cervera’s fleet was thousands of miles away. France neglected repeated warnings to keep her fron- tier protected, and Germany after long secret preparation caught her napping and descended on Purls Is a war which was pure military aggression, except In the eyes of this military nation, which Is, was, and probably will be the greatest menace to universal peace until her star shall set Germany Is building up a wonderful home empire, and with her great army she Is perfectly secure frbm Invasion; but she has few colonies to pro tect and has very secure seaports, so that It hard to understand her feverish desire to build a mighty navy. It Is hardly likely that England with her enormous outlying possessions and her own exposed coasts can complacently sit Idle. Her very existence is at stake. Only the Ignorant In each nation indulge in cheap sneers at the other’s expense. History In the past has proved that in her worst hours of trouble Germany has found foes around her on all sides, but never England. Germany Is forging ahead now, but her rise to power Is no more wonderful than the stupendous power gained over the sea and In every quarter of the globe by practically the smallest country In Europe. Of course we are trained to think the British slow, obtuse, and quite deserving of cheap Insults commonly thrown at them, but the fact, remains that the British have opened up the entire world, while other nations stayed at home. They hare *bullt up a foreign trade which Is amazing. On their trade rbutes Germany and ourselves have eagerly followed, and perhaps with newer methods, pjid by avoiding their mistakes and profiting by their experi ence we may beat them out in the end, bet we l)ave yet to oust them. And ought we to boast too loudly when we have yet far to go? The Marvellous ‘ ‘Handy Man By Eugene W o o d In three years San Diego, Cal., has erected three large school buildings at a cost of $182,000, one of them , a building of twenty rooms, being the finest gram m ar school building In California. There Is also a high echool building costing $220,000, be sides additions to two other build ings, doubling their capacity. ITCHED FOR TWELVE YEARS. Eczema Made Hands and Feet Swell, Peel and Get Raw— Arms Affected, Too— Gave Up All Hope of Cure — Quickly Cured by Cutlcura. ■*1 Buffered from eczema on my hands, arms and feet for about twelve years; my bands and feet would swell, sweat and itch, then would become callous and get very •dry, then peel off and get raw. I tried most every kind of salve and ointment without success. I tried several doctors, but at last gave up thinking there was a cure for eczema. A friend of mine in sisted on my trying the Cuticura Remedies, but I did not give them a trial until I got so bad I had to do something. I secured a set and by the time they were used I could see a vast improvement andzmy bends and feet were healed up in no time. I have had no trouble since. Charles T. Bauer, R. 1<\ D. 65, Volant, Pa., Mar. 11, 1908.” Potter Drug & Ohem. Corp., Sole Props, sof Cuticura Remedies, Boston, Mass. Hollow Log a Fish Trap. Last week Mr. Castleman, of the Sixth District, caught from a hollow log in the river near his mill a thirty pound catfish. About a y ear ago from the same log an eighty pound catfish was trapped and several months later one that -weighed thirty pounds was taken. — Trenton Correspondence Nashville American. OU know the Handy Man, don’t you? the fellow that makes his own fly-screens, and they fit; that knows how to give the cow castor oil, for she won’t take it from a spoon like a person; that rigs up a reel for his lawn hose instead of hanging It on a hook to spring a leak; that lays his own cement walk and steps, the steps just a little out of gee, but look how little It all cost him; that builds his own mission furniture which has to be moved with a pry when they sweep; that paints everything about his place that paint will stick to; that takes his clock apart to clean it instead of sousing' the works Into gasoline the way the fellow does that comes around to the house; that can fix the doorbell when it won’t ring, and has all the locks and hinges on the place so that they pretty near work of themselves. You knovs the Handy Man , don’t you? Well, I don’t like him. I repeat I don’t like the Handy Man at all. But you understand as well as I do that all my mockery of him has been an effort to get revenge for all his mockery of me and my thumbhandedness. In my heart of hearts I must own up that all our present high estate Is from his handicraft. The erected man must first have hands that could relieve the jaws from holding things ere ever the wide-stretching mouth could shorten and contract enough to form the sounds of speech. Nc story writer has ever dared to make his castaway on a desert Island as naked and empty-handed as were our far-off ancestors when they landed on this planet, not a penny in their pockets, and no pockets. Ready to perish were our fathers, and all the way along, from the first flaking of a flint to give it a cutting edge, to this day in which the yielding air has finally made a solid pathway for our travel, It has been the skilful hand that has created for us a world to live in—the hand of the Handy Man.—Hampton’s Magazine. QGUw-4/w Actors Old and Hew The Palmy Days' A lw a y s Receding of the Profession .* .* .* .* • • By Charles B a ttell Loomis, of N e w York * CONFESSIONS OF A CLOWN. At Last, There ts on Sale a Book Brimful of American Humor. Any bookseller will tell you that the constant quest of his customers Is for “a book1 which will make me laugh.” The bookman is compelled to reply that the race of American humorists has run out and comic llt- •erature Is scarcer than funny plays. A wide sale Is therefore predicted for the “Memoirs of Dan Rice,” the •Clown of Our Daddies, written by Marla Ward Brown, a book guar anteed to make you roar with laugh ter. The author presents to the pub lic a volume of the great Jester’s most pungent jokes, comic harangues, caustic bite upon men and manners, lectures, anecdotes, skqtches of ad venture, original songs and poetical effusions; wise and witty, serious, satiric*!, and sentimental sayings of the sawdust arena of other days. Old Dan Rice, as proprietor of the famous “One Horse 8how,', was more mt a national character than Artemus Ward, and this volume contains the .humor which made the nation laugh even while the great Civil War raged. This fascinating book of 600 pages, beautifully illustrated, will be sent postpaid to you for $1.60. Address Book Publishing House, 134 Leonard street. New York City. Out of Doors. Live out of doors as much as pos sible. For the woman who Is in the country this advice is not difficult to follow and the time she gives to her garden Is not wasted. The stay-ln- tpwp woman will find It profitable to take little tripe out ot the city, it it be only for the day, or use trolley which stretch for miles through untry. It is so much better at home comphdning ot .—Green’s F r u i t --------- LD fogies of all ages (some are not yet 21) make me tired. e You’ll always find the old fogy who longs for the days when ♦ actors could really act and when Shakespeare was ade- l i t quately represented. Old fogies of this year of grace hark $ back to the “good old days’’ of the late ’70’s, but I remem ber that critics who wrote in those days were In the habit of picking flaws in Edwin Booth himself and prating of the days of his father and Macready and Forrest. Now as a m a tter of fact (I like to be didactic this hot wea'Aer) those who saw the recent production of “Twelfth Night’’ at the Aicademy of music saw the very best Malvollo that has been seen In New York in thirty years. I have seen at least half a dozen Malvolios, Americans, English and one German In that time, and Edward Sothern more nearly real ized the part than any other. Thirty years from nowr some old fogy of that time will be mourning for the palmy “old days of the first decade of the twentieth century, when Shakes peare was really played,’’ and yet I’ll venture to say that each age will raise xrp its own capable actors. For versatility there was of course one Edwin Booth, but as great as he may now be doing turns in some cheap East Side music hall. Not only do we have the poor always with us, but genius is peculiar to no generation, Perhaps the man who will make New York remembered may to-day be crying for his bottle in New Zealand; but those w'ho did not see Sothern and Mar lowe missed a dramatic treat that in a smaller theatre would have been almost too good to be true. the w a i l o f the s o c ia l i s t b a b y . (From Judgu.) Whose little baby am I? Nobody seems to know. I’ve cooed and I've cried till I’vo alm ost died. p u t it doesn't appear to g% any aunts', tndma to And there aren’t iven’t even a boy needs pants. Atvd I haven see th a t I haven’t any playthings, I haven’t any, folks; I can’t quite fram e a nam e I can claim — I’m as vague as a funny m a n ’s Jokes. I own everything around me, And every one here owns me, And It's awfully kind of mixing, M I think you'll all agree. , I ’m everybody's bruzzer, B u t nobody loves Just me. ut or can I can poi si ut F o r T h a t tosi sm ile In my own cutest B u t who’s thereire to watch and see? it of v and tr ere ain’t any specla fellow seem s to know. F o r nurse Isi a lo< t of women. And the re ain ’t an y a 1 e to an d fro, :i&l cuddle th a t a A n d If any one w a n ts to take me, I don’t think It could be wrong; I am lonely and sad, and I’m not bad, I’d F o r the earth and alt Its rielhes And Are Of a pallr m ightily like to belong, nd all Its ric as nothing to the bliss i of arm s around you, and your ownest m u z ser’s kiss. —E m m a H. De Zouche. Y Armageddon ^ ^ By H yacinthe Ringrose - ^ HE word \Armageddon which has figured so largely in patriotic speeches and newspaper headlines recently in Eng land cannot be found in any of the leading dictionaries It is taken of course from the Apocalypse, where It Is the name given to the field ot the final struggle between the powers of good and evil. Lltemlly, It signifies “the mountain of Megiddo,” Megiddo being a city in the great plain at the foot of Mount Canpel. It was there that King Josiah received his death wound in the battle against Pharaoh Necho II., King of Egypt. Lord Rosebury, Sir Edward Grey and Mr. Balfour during the past week have prophesied that the German Ocean is shortly to be the Armageddon where the fate of the British Empire ts to be (Determined. It to a disquieting fast that the leaders of both the Government and the Opposition appear to accept aa unavoidable a coming conflict between England and Germany. Surely we are rattling back to barbarism when two great nations ot the same race stock ate, witbouv a cause tor war. preparing to meet each ether in the Armegefifion which has been bo much talked about the pa* week. A Suburban Diplomatist. By Elizabeth Lincoln Gould. Nobody could have looked at Cyrus Toppan on the evening of his return from a visit to his nephew without knowing that he had enjoyed the week ’Tve got a little something to tell you about my new niece,’’ he said to Cap tain Saunders and Captain Boiles. when his wife had thoughtfully depart ed to a neighbor’s house, and left him with his two friends. “Tell on,\ said the two captains, promptly. \You let us light up, and then you needn’t look for anything iu the line of Interruptions,\ added Cap tain Boiles. “We’ll nod if we see oc casion.\ “You know I’ve always had some doubts what kind of a wife a fellei like Henry, with his head way up in the clouds, would pick him out,” said Mr. Toppan, and the captains nod ded. “Well, I guess Providence had a hand in the choosing of Emily,” continued the host. “She’s as neat a little craft as ever I set eyes on, and she’s go* a first-class head-piece, what’s more, They’re living about ten miles out of the city, in a mighty pretty little suburb, and they’ve got the corner lot in a good neighborhood—nice house* on both streets. “I said to Henry, ‘Doesn’t it cost ye pretty steep?’ For I knew his writing didn’t bring him in any great of an income yet, though he’s coming on And he said, ‘It don’t cost what you’d think 'twould. In fact, this w asn’t considered a very desirable lot till Emily got to work on it.’ < “Well, of course I wanted to know the meaning of that. So he told me just what happened. Seems they want ed to be about th a t far from town, and they met the agent for a lot of new houses somewhere, and he tolf 'em of this place. Said he and his wife had lived there for a few month i and then moved in town, and ’twas a pretty place. So they went right along out to see it. The rent was reasonable, so reasonable that Emily got kind of thoughtful. Henry was for taking It as he always does good things, as if the ravens had fetched it to him. But Emily’s built differenv. “She looked the agent right in the eye, and she said, ‘What’s the out about it?’ And he saw 'twasn’t any use to make up any pretty stories or beat round the bush, so he told the truth. “ ’You see that big house down there?’ he said. ‘Well, that man pays rent for three of these houses, his own and two m arried sons’ and he keeps hens.’ “Henry said Emily began to smile and nod. “ ’And every afternoon when they’re let out they make right for this corner lot,’ says the agent. T don’t know what 'tis attracts ’em so, whether i t ’s the slope, or the grass is greener, o i what, but here’s where they land, and scratch and dig till they’re called home for supper. And he says he can not help it—small fowl have got to have their liberty. And my wife likes a flower garden and smooth grass.’ “ ‘I see,’ Emily said, when he stop ped. ‘So do I like a garden, and I shall have a pretty one here.’ And that very day Henry signed a five years' lease, with a couple of portable hen- housea thrown in. “ ‘Gtoing to keep kens?' the agent asked her, when she bartered for the hen houses, and Emily smiled and said, ‘For a while, maybe.’ “Henry was kind of uneasy till she explained her plans to him, for he’s no farmer, not he never took to hens. But he saw the light after she’d talked to him a while. They did their work and moving mornings till the day they moved in—that was their first after noon. Emily took a rest after dinner, and when she got up and looked out on the lawn, there sure' enough, was a whole posse o’ hens and some chick ens! Henry set their portable hen houses up that night, and next morn ing a farmer brought them some hens and put ’em in the houses, likewise chickens. Henry euperlntended the Job. Emily never vent near ’em nor asked a question. “That afternoon Henry let out tbel.* lire stock while Emily was taking ter rest Then he sat down and wrote for an hour or *> In a complete little placs they call Ms 'study,' at the back o' the house. When StoRy waked up she went A* there and rumpled up hie hair and told him he'd' written long enough, and to lay oft and take a snooze before tea-time, same as wa* their usual arrangement. “I’ll call the hens and feed 'em, and get ’em under covey,’ aays Emily. That'll be my part ot the work.’ “Well, Henry said he stretched ou*. bn the lounge she has all fixed up cozy for him, and fell off Into a doze. When 'he waked up 'twas most dark, and he lay there listening to voices, Emily’s and a man's. Emily's was cool and pleasant, but the man’s had a pretty mad sound. “I should like to know what you’ve | — done with my bene!’ he was saying. “ ‘Yours hens!’ Emily repeats after him, In a real surprised tone. 'Why, where were they?’ “ ‘Well—’hem’—says the man, ’they —why, I suppose they were on your lawn.' “ ’Oh, says Emily, ’how unfortunate! You see, we’ve just moved, and our hens only came this morning. I have not even asked by husband how many he bought. I’ve been so busy getting settled, you know. He let them out while I was taking my nap, and now he’s getting a little rest, after his writing. I told him I’d call the hens in, feed them, and get them un der cover every afternoon. I had sontne meal for them, and they came running to me just as fast. And you think your hens were all here, too? Now we’ll take my little electric lantern and go right out to the henhouses, and you’ve only to pick yours out and take them right away. Of course I woul<4 not keep them. I don’t know much about hens, but they will follow you, won’t you? Won’t they know your voice?’ y X r “Henry said he held his breath ex- cn pecting maybe the man would say something that would oblige him to get right up off’n the lounge and go in and deal with him; but instead of that, he said the man bust right out into a roar. “ ‘See here’ he said, ‘you’ve got the best of me, and I ’ll wager you know It, whether you know much about heno or not. You keep ’em overnight and let ’em out tomorrow at the usual time, and I’ll see that they’re sorted out by my man and taken home, and kept home. I’ll have a little place made back of the house, where they’ll get room enough. And any eggs you get from their visit,’ says he ‘you’re welcome to. And look here, when vou get settled I’ll have my folks call on you’ he said. ‘And now I’ll bid you good night.’ “ ’Good night!’ says Emily, sweet as ever. ‘We’d love to have them come. And, O Mr. Brown, when it’s later in the season, I hope you’ll accept a couple of broilers for this trouble I’ve put you to. I think perhaps we shan’t keep hens so very long.' “ ’I knew that before you told me,’ says the man. And Henry said that as he passed by the side window on his way home the window was open, and Henry could hear him chuckling good an’ hearty.” tsa ere hand tcfltn when one’s complextodFls marred by pimples, etadkfcfcada and blotches. Strerfijthen your charms, by keeping your complexion clear, with Glenn’s Sulphur Soap Sold by druggists. IliH** M r *ai WfcisWr Dye, Utck «r brtwa. Me. Suicide Slow death and awful stifierinf folio .vs neglect of bowels. Con stipation hills more people than consumption. It needs a cure and there is one medicine in all the world that cures it— CASCARETS. Cascarete—10c. box — week’s treat ment. All druggists. Biggest seller In the world—million boxes a month. Meaning of a Famine In China. On account of heavy export ot rice during the winter and now for months a severe drought, rice can hardly be had at all, and other kinds of eatables are very expensive. The Magistrate has raised the price of rice several times, but the higher it becomes the less Is forthcoming, as those who have any to Sell are keep ing it in the hope of still higher rices. Great flocks of women and ildren are daily to be seen search ing the fields and hillsides for herbs and roots to eat. Two whole families in the city have taken their lives for want of food. They killed and ate their last chicken, then, beginning with the lit tle ones, each swallowed opium and died. But for a few wheelbarrow loads no attempt worth mentioning is made to import rice. The people are very active in praying for rain, and a general fast has been ordered. No meat, chickens or fish are to be had on the street. There is a hill having an excellent perennial spring sixty to seventy 11 south of here which is supposed to be the home of a dragon. The poor distressed people are flocking there to seek his help by Incense burning and prostrations at the foot of the hill. The Provincial Treasurer Chu, who for many years was Taotai at this place, has sent a deputy to help the people pray for rain. This he Is doing in the City Temple.—Sinyang- chow Correspondence North China Herald. SYNTAX C H I N 4 . Its Interesting History—Extravagant Prices For It. In almost every collection of “Old Blue” you will find at least one ex ample of Syntax china, perhaps the most famous of all the different series made by Clews. The history of the pictures on this china is amusing, for the text was written around the pic tures. Thomas Rowlandson, a caricatur ist, says the Circle magazine, made a series of pictures representing an eld erly clergyman and schoolmaster oc cupying his holidays in search of what he called “the picturesque.” A printer, R. Ackerman, saw the pic tures and called on a man named William Comb to make the verses. This he did, and the pictures and verses made such a success when they came out, about 1815, that many editions of the first book, called “Dr. Syntax in Search of the picturesque,” were pub lished. This William Comb who wrote the verses was for forty-three years con fined to the King’s ben^h debtors’ p ris on and it seems a strange place in which to evolve comical ideas. He was 8l) years old when he wrote the \Sec ond Tour” in 1820. He not only wrote the verses for this first book but for a second volume called “Second Tour of Dr. Syntax in Search of Consolation.” This was brought out in 1820, and in 1821 the third volume was published and named “Third Tour of Dr. Syntax in Search of a W ife.” Thirty-odd designs from the books were used by Clews on sets of chin*. * Although the work of this series ot pictures is good, Clews having the printing well done and clear, the val ues which are placed on the different pieces are all out of proportion to their merit. Some of the platters bring three or four hundred dollars and the plates as. high aa thirty or forty. Indeed1, so much in demand are these pioturee on china that forgers have gotten in their work and “Dr. Syntax Painting a Portrait,” “Dr. Syntax and the Bees” and: “Dr. Syntax Mistakes a Gentleman’s House for an Inn” have all been produced, but the fraud is easily detected by the heaviness of the ware, poor printing an4 clumsy repro duction of the Clews mark on the back. Half a Mile of Roses. Half a mile of roses! There is such a sight at tjie Payne W h itney estate, Manhasset, L. I. It is composed most ly of single wild roses I(ke the Caro lina and prairie rose, and is therefore attractive in winter as well as sum mer by reason of the red stems and hips.— Garden Magazine. The Burning Qqestion. A Baltimore teacher was trying to explain the meaning of the word \re cuperate.” “Charley,\ she said, “ w hen night conw on your father returns home tired and worn out, doesn’t he?’’ “Yes, m a ’am,\ assented Charley. “Then,” continued the teacher, “ it being night, and he being tired, what does he do?” “That’s w h a t ma w ants to know',” said Charley.— Success Magazine. THE NEW WOMAN Made Over by Quitting, Coffee. Hie Father’s Occupation. Teacher—What is your father’s oc cupation , Little Boy—I can’t tell you. Teacher—But you must. Little Boy—My father doesn’t want me to telL i Teacher—I Inevet on your telling me. I hare to know. Little ------ -- Coffee probably wrecks a greater percentage of Southerners than of Northern people, for Southerners use it more freely. The w o rk it does is distressing enough in some instances; as an il lustration. a woman ot Richmond, Va., writes:, “I was a coffee drinker for years, and for about six years my health was completely shattered. I suffered fearfully with headaches and nerv ousness, also palpitation of the heart and loss of appetite. “My sight gradually began to fail, and finally I lost the sight of one eye altogether. The eye was operated upon, and the sight partially re stored, then I became totally blind in the other eye. “My doctor used to urge me to give up coffee, btit I was wilful, and con tinued to drink it until finally in a case of severe illness the doctor in sisted that I must give up coffee, so I began using Postum, and in a month I.felt like a new creature.^ ‘ “I steadily gained in health and strength. About a month ago I be gan using Grape-Nuts food, and the effect has been wonderful. I really feel like a new woman, and have gained about 25 pounds. “I am quite ah elderly lady, and before, using Postum and Grape-Nuts I could not walk a square without exceeding fatigue; now I walk ten or i twelve without feeling it. Formerly In reading I could remember but lit tle, but now my memory holds fas< what I read. ■: r, “Several friends who have seen tb # l remarkable effects of Postum and Grape-Nuts on me have urged that I give the facts to the public for the • sake of suffering human!:-', so, al* though I dislike publicity, you can publish this letter if you like.” , Read “The Road to WeUville,\1 in pkgs. \There'* * Reason.” | g letter?
