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Image provided by: Union College
- \ Jess' J . DICe I was slightly confused when I Well, the big day that every ad- to<Jk a look at Mike's first attempt ministrator and faculty has been at the U2K layout. \Mike you talking about for a while, the U2K messed up, you wrote U2K Prelimi- is presenting their \prdiminary\ muy Report. This is the real thing, report. Even though many stu- · right?\ I was very surprised when dents will most likely be emotion- I realized that this report was just ally charged about the issue, I sup- ANOTHER pose that preliminary .. ,·, y.•t.• ;>\·:- .>:, ·: . ·, · · .:.·. \ .. ·. . many will report The' · ·e,.· ,_:· . ··2, <'II.'\'' not have real thi~g will ··.\ ·: .< ~- ·-:: -~· .::~ :,. : . ·. ~;:>,···\~· ,; read the re- not_come out · : · ; · .. :. ·:· .. :. '·: .•.. ·' port. For until the fall. - · · · · ·. .- .. :::.<- · :,. _·_-> ·/·\: ... :.;: .. ··;·. \: this reason, Apparently, it ·\: -·--, ,; , \' ~~ ';;t,<:,c and in order has to be re- • · · ·. ··<. ·. ··, ... ~ .... : :•J>::. toexplainto viewedagain, •• · .··., ·.:: ;<: ·-' ·.::·_;·-~ ·· · confused this time by . · · ·' • ~~ and frus- ~~~~;~;~; • , ' Ri!i, ~H~~ .. __ ,. pages six and ·., sons that seven of this the majority . is.s ue of Concordiensis. It is of the student body will not read . strongly recommended that every- the U2K Preliminary Report. Note- one read the report in order to be I actually heard some of these · fully aware of the proposed quotesarotmdcampus,especially: changes that could occur at Union, the number one reason. even though they will not effect TOP TEN REASONS STU- any student here now. I mean who DENTS WILLNOTREADTHE wouldn't want to read something U2KPRELIMINARYREPORT. tllat proposed \the current book- 10. \It's Spring term, who · store space in the Reamer Campus cares?\ Center be converted into a pub/ 9 .• \It won't affect any of us, so nightclub on the first floor and a why b()ther?\ coffeehouse and juice bar on the 8 ... I don't read anything over second floor.\ 500 words.\ I spoke with a professor a few 7. \What the hell does un- weeks ago who told me how frus- equivocally mean?'' traied he was 'that no student made 6. \Who's Dean Alford?\ an attempt to get involved in the 5. \How many preliminary re- semester/trimester debate. He was ports are there going to be, any- very surprised that no one even picked up the printed copies of the proposal that they made available. I assured him that the students were not completely apathetic (even though only one person ran for Student Forum President) but that they just didn't know that the proposal was available. Maybe ... by Jason Putori Webmaster and Patrick A. Wendell StqffWriter ALL FACTS ARE FICTIONAL AND ARE MEANTFORENTER- TAINMENTPURPOSESONL Y Hull Has a Rough Weekend lltis past weekend held two large events on the Union Campus. The first was the Steinmetz Symposium, where students presented their re- search and theses. This event was supported with hordes of students, faculty. and the parents that came fm the second event, Parent's Weekend. Parents came from around the C()Untry to see how their sons and daughters lived through a year at Union. Engineering students who h.a ve found a way to keep build- ings with uns.upported founda- way?\ 4. \Hey they're not moving my frat!\ 3. '\What does gender eq.uality mean?\ 2. \U2K is not a GenEd require- ment and cannot be taken Pass/ Fail.\ 1. \Whatthe hell is U2K?\ tions from shifting htghlighted the Steinmetz talks. This technique is currently be- ing applied to the Olin Building on the Union Campus. Discus- sions are already under way with the Italian Government to see if this technique could be applied to the leaning bell tower in the costal city ofPisa. President Hull, who was at- tempting to send his family away for the weekend so that he could have his attention focused on the weekend's activities, was forced to give his talks with his family by his side. According to Hull, he had organized a trip for them to the Montreal Jazz Festival taking place that weekend, but their stu- dent escoti had to drop out at the last minute. That piece ofbad luck combined with President Hull's antics at his ReUnion address where he pre- tended· to be Chester A. Arthur chenecto A Fill in the J)lan;k for Ul· This is Concordiensis' attempt to recreate MadLibs for Union College .. This fim ... filled story was developed with the hopes ofbringing a little more pleasure to the Features Section. Fill in the blanks with the appropriate wordsto make a story. Laugh, for U's sake, it's Spring Term. Last Friday, my parents arrived and surprised me with the new addition of Schenectopoly. Because there was absolutely nothing to do this weekend, decided tojoinus. I started by rolling a three so I moved my Name -~~-:-::-:---onto Hamilton Hill. I had the opportunity to purchase it for Plural Noun _______ cents . Number Under Five Mom•rolled doubles and landed on----=,..-'----=:-\-~~card deck .. Upon drawing, it Gr&\IP on Campus told her to advance her token to Seward's Trolley and if she passed Go, to collect 200 _______ . Dad landed on . and bought it for a year's tuition. Plural No1111 Buildipg on Campus -----~-couldn'tdecide between the Roger Hull token or the Same Name from Abo'\le -~---~one, so he opted to delay his first roll. When he eventually got going, the Administrator Roger Hull token spent much time Jail for repeatedly charging to much for tuition. After hours of enjoyment, I set up many fraternities (equivalent ofhotels) and 'Doid dwellings. Mymostprized pieces t>fproperty were the Nott Memorial, Proctor's Theatre and \ Building on Campus Eventually my dad became so fed up with the city that he threw his Campus Safety game piece at the_~----- and kicked over my 'Doid dwelling~, screaming, Piet:e ()f Furniture '\-~~~--~-·!\ Parents Weekend-can'twait 'til next year! Exclamation have considerably lowered public opinion ofhim on campus_ He has been C}UOted as saying, .. I just get no respect,\ while he was wishing someib.ing could go right. Many say that Hull is overreacting to his bad luck. After all, he hasn't received a single death threat this term. Reamer Six? Proclaimed writer Tom Clancy is looking at Union College for the setting ofhis newest novel. Clancy, best known for his Jack Ryan se- ries of books, many ofwhkh were made into movies, has been look- ing for a small college campus that seems to be shut out from the rest of the world. Dream Works Ltd has also been privy to a11 infonnation re.garding the upcoming .novel, as they have . a contract with Clancy to adapt to film all of his new novels if they feel it would be appropriate. Ac- cording to a source atBerkeley Publishing Group inN ew York, this new novel will incorporate the In- ternational Intriglle and Special Forces adventure that Clancy is famous for along with familiar Col- lege experiences. The Union College Administra- tion has made no comment yet re- garding the possibility of the college's involvement; but many students are excited about the pros- pect. Possible novel titles include, Reamer Six, Clear and Prospec- tive Danger and Tile Cardinal in the Nott. VU Under Fire, Fast: Eddy to Blame This past\ week, the Office of C61t1putet Services was even m()re backed up than usu~l due to a con,.. starlt barrage of hacker attacks against the Virtual Union server. Virtual Union, known typically as vu. ho~ts Web sites for student organizations and members. It is the fastest system on campus with the exception of Professor Lance Spallholtz'sbaby, 'Blackduck,' in the Science and Engineering base- ment as well as privately run 'Bigglesworth' that handles more traffic than most other Union serv- ers combined. The attacks on VUhave crippled the 56K modem used to cmmect the Union network with the Internet; The underground hack- ing ring krtown as 'Fast Eddy' has claimed responsibility. A reliable anonymous source on The Daily Jolt has confmned that the group is demanding that Union Finance deposits each year;s tu\ ition cost for ·three students in an unknown Swiss account from now unti12003.. Union OCS is investigating and spokespeople for OCS and Finance· repeatedly insist that they will not negotiate with terrorists. . ?