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Image provided by: New York State Military History Museum
GAS ATTACK HOW THE $165’s WORTH WAS SPENT Ring Lardner Has His Own Opinion on' How the Camp Officer Talked to Phillie. By Ring W. Lardner in the Chicago Tribune. “Camp Wadsworth, Spartanburg; S. C., Feb., 7 “ (Special.)—There is an. officer in Camp Wadsworth who has a sweetheart in Philadelphia. He also has plenty of money. The other day he wanted to talk to her and put in a long distance call. After getting her answer he talked to her for more than two hours. The bill came to $165,”—Yester day’s Trib, In the absence of Dr, Donaghey, marathon champion of this floor, it was impossible to obtain an authoritative statement as to whether the above feat was humanly possible, even for a young officer. The consensus among some of our best am ateurs—includ ing the art department’s chief of staff, the composer of the Gumps, and the veteran photographers—was that the thing could be done easily if the victim would listen that long; which, from, their experience, they deemed unlikely. Our own opinion is that the correspondent got the story a bit twisted and that the party in Philadelphia did a little of tjie talk ing herself. We’d guess it was something like this: He—Hello. She—Hello, baby. He—Is that you, baby? She—Yes, hon. He—‘How are you, anyway? She—Just fine. And how’s my Sammy boy? s He—Fine and .dandy. Where are you? She—Pm home. How are you, anyway? He-—Fine and dandy, Are you all right? She—I’m just fine. Say listen: Do you miss me at all? He—You bet I do. She—Do you think of me at all? He—Well, all the time. How are you any way? 'She—I’m just fine. He—Are you home now? She—Yes. I haven’t been out since Tues day. The walking’s simply impossible. But say listen: I’m going to a dance tonight with Jack Strauss. Do you care? He—I didn’t get that. She—I said I was going to a dance to night with Jack Strauss. tie—W h a t’s that about jackstraws? She—Jack Strauss! He—Oh, was he? Well, how are you any way? She—-Just fine. Say listen: Did you get my letter? He—W hat one? She—My last one. He—Yes, I got that one. How are you, anyway? She—Just fine. He—Well, I thought I’d call you up. She—I was just thinking about you when the phone rang. He—Yes, you were! She—Honestly I was. He—Well, how are you anyway? She—Just fine, He—Well, I just thought I’d call up and see how you were. She—Fm fine. But listen: Your voice sounds funny. I don’t know whether it’s really you or not. He—Oh, it’s me all right. How are you anyway? She—Fm fine. And how are you? He—Fine and dandy. Well, how is every thing? She—Everything’s all right, I guess. He—Where are you now? She—Home. Say listen: Did you get my letter about Madge? He—Not yet. She—Well, listen: I’ll tell you what was in it. I wrote to Madge last Friday, no, it was Saturday. And I asked her if she had heard any rumors round Washington about your division. It must have been Friday I wrote to her. You know Dick’s right there in contact with the headquarters or some thing. So I thought maybe he might have heard something and she could ask him and then let me know. So I wrote her last Fri day. No, it must have been Saturday, be cause I just got her letter yesterday. She says Dick hasn’t heard a word. He—What? She—-I was saying I thought maybe Dick might possibly have heard some rumors round Washington about your division. He’s right in things down there. So last Friday, or maybe it was Saturday, I wrote to Madge and asked her if she would ask Dick if he’d heard anything. So yesterday I got a letter from her and she said Dick hadn’t heard a thing. He—I don’t get that. She—Well, never mind. I wrote to you about it. He—Well, how are you’anyway? She—Ju s t fine. Say listen: Do you'ever think of me at all He—All the time. Where are you now? She—Home. He—Well, I just thought Fd call up and find out how you were. She—Fm fine. He—And how’s your mother? She—She’s fine. He—And how’s your father? She—Fine. Everybody’s fine. He—Well, I just thought I’d call up. She— —Well, Fm glad you did. He—Well— • She—Well— —Oh, yes, I knew there was something I wanted to tell you. Did you get my letter? Well, never mind. How are you anyway? Back to camp. 108TH INFANTRY, MACHINE GUN CO, The boys are well upholding the name of the company as one of the best in the Divi sion by the excellent scores and rating re ceived at our trial shoot at the miniature M. G. range. Looking over the results, we find the company ranking 5th in the Division for high score. The boys scored 839 out of a possible 960. The Third Platoon car ried off highest honors of the company and second highest in the Division. Two of the squads lead by Corps. Fredericks and Trow bridge, did most excellent work, returning with perfect scores. Their score was 312 out of a possible 320 for 32 men, The First Platoon enjoyed a trip to the pistol range at Glass Eock mountain, where they did excellent work on the range—-Rig- ging. During their ten-day stay they en joyed their “ pine bough\ beds and Gpup ?; tents immensely to say nothing of the invig orating mountain air. We have again lost a number of good men who have transferred to the 35th Engineers, The scheduled athletic events were hotly contested and many A. A. U. records were given a close run. Personal Mention. Prvts. Co only, Edwards and G. Roberts have most kindly volunteered to do all the detail work. “ Goldie'1 Barnes is again back with his old friends, the “ pots and pans.\ He has a smile for every one. Why! Ask Eooney. “ A n d y \ Carrol still insists he is the champion hiker, although he did get a “ l i f t \ in an auto, “ Just for style's sake,\ says Andy. “ H u c k \ Quinn, our “ hoss-man,\ does not want a furlough until the Kaiser “ gets. his.\ From mule skinner to mess sergeant—ask “ Jack G o lt\ for his formula. Our ball team is fast rounding into shape. All we need is a pitcher and eight more good men. For try-out, see “ L e f ty \ Eggart. Sergt. McPhee, our champ rope throwing artist, just returned from his furlough. Ask “ Claude\ what he roped in Rochester. Resolved: We, as members of the com pany, give three rousing cheers to our ex- Mess Sergeant, “ Tommy\ Sykes. We never were and never will be better satisfied than when he held sway. We wish you luck, old pal, in what ever branch of service you may be in. — EL W. O. MOVIE BENEFIT FOR 27TH DIVISION. An entertainment was held at the Hotel Claridge in New York City a week ago Thurs day to secure funds to present the 27th Di vision with an up-to-date movie machine. Miss Grace Field, hostess of the well l^iown establishment, arranged the program and was responsible for the idea. Among those who offered their services were several well known Broadway artists, including the casts of ‘ ‘ Go ing U p \ and “ The Eyes of Youth.\ Miss Margy Rambeau, who is starring in the lat ter production, won the $100 raffle that ended the performance and presented it to the fund. In all $500 was raised for boys at Spartanburg.
