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g amas en e ~ 2 9 ml i a ses $5, . asm ob, Rte ® n 10 Thee . = 10 wl y\ 4p sob 4 i [[. & a ** ha eol } * No f wh uF ne fee k + t cp hile», 'o, tl s P 9C » , I,‘ ca t 2,5 + % R £09 , 2g s f . 2, f( . , » | a | . +0, . k , C . 2C & - + + w a+ ~o ,) m A0 plu e 4 ‘n a i; fi’ * i H , ° -6 * BUONDAY MORNING TELEGRAM, APRIL 22,1883. . e ~ . ( q ho p f ul A MI8U nunsmxmiua Vi‘ j al a oR 0 DLGINARYT RYILS. A SOUTHERN |ROMANCE. THB GERMAN BARSEE i BOB INGERSOLLVS | ;OPM , f . 4 F 3 . . Ee c f - | Ho Discourses Abont the Trish Question . h! K An} Editor Who Failed to Comprehend { aB #L . Y M | Lot to morrow take care of to morrow i REMARKABLE CARKIR OF A BEAUTE and Kls Assistant. , HIS FUNERAL ORATION OVHR JOH Clorgyman's Meaning. f hoo ef re Mat tien 11. ~ Leave things of she futurs to fate. FUL WHITE YLAYE, _- l G. MILLS. p , #1 minister of tho & ] » b} . ‘rflm t mifiydfiflf, A omnes What's the use to anticipate sorrow ? v \ Subbose a chendloman should offory tay L C § | am a mir gospel |\ o f ama at \nyt Life's troubl x . ome never too late. beat bis vife und her sgreams should make ! One of the Great Infidel's Most | served an important gontleman, with a por. ¢ hak »\ \YE If to bope over rmochn be an error. 'Fis one tu $10 wise baye preferred ; Aod.bow oficu have hearts beon in terror Of cvile thy. u- ver occurred. Have faith- and thy faith will sustain thee - Permit not suspicion and omro With invisible tonds to embrace thee, But bear what God gives thee to bfier. By this spirit supported and gladdenaed, Be ne'er by ' forebodings \ deterred. i But think how oft hearts have been saddoned By fear-of “mm never occurted ! Let to morrow take care of to morrow ; Short and dark as our life may appoar, We may make It still shorter by sorrow- Btill shorter by folly and fear { . a Half our troubles are balf our invention, And often from blessing conferred Hare wo shrunk in wild appgehenplon Of evils-that never ccocurred. , SPIBITUAL One of the proefs of the advance in spiri- tual purity and true character which Chris- tianity is making in recent times is to be ' found iw-the larger tolerance and human- ity with which differences of opinion aro treated. This has forcibly been brought to zaind by the last Sunday in New York upon the life and death of Peter Coopor,. For it was known that Peter Cooper was not a Christian in faith- that is, he aid not believe in the divinity of -- Christ-and yet all the diferent phases of evangelical (Fhristianity spoke of him as ~though his beliefs were of less importance than his deeds. Rey. Robert. Collger,of tho church of the Messiah, preached a glowing eulogy on Cooper from the'text, \ Mark tho perfect man, and behold the upright, for tha end of that man is peace.\ He mentioned that the children and grandchildren, to the third generation, could not remember thit the good old man had ever spoken to thom any word that was not most loviog and gen- tle. ~At the Fifth Avenue Baptists church Rev. Dr. Thomas preached on the \ Ioflu- ence of our illustrious dead.\ He asked, \Why was it that hundreds of girls went to church, put flowers upon the coffin of Peter Cooper, and turned away sobbing ! ,, That old man bad been a father to thom.\ Rev. Charles Enton, at the Church at the Divine Paternity, in &a warm tribute said : \Simple in his tastes, warm in heart, Petor Cooper made his great fortune always with tho view of helping his feliow-nron. fe was the patorit, lover, and Christian gentleman of the nineteenth century, and after all, love is the epitome of the Christlan faith. The selfish man,' said Mr. Eaton, in cunclusion, \ Hvyes and dies in bimsecif; the generous man lives forsver in benevolent 'ngpirations, Lot the gates of heaven swing wide open, that this saintly man . may enter in:o the presence of his God. (Crown hina, yo an:<ls, for he has Gboyed the latest - and greatest 'of the commandments, that wo gabhould love one another.\ There were other expressions of admira- tion of Bis Christian character equally olo- quent, but these citations are sufficient for our present purpose. - And yet on the same day at the Theistic chursch-if church it may be called-of which .Peter Cooper was a member, its pastor, Mr. M. R. Schomer- horn, discoursed as follows. Speaking of Peter Cooper, he said : \ The last religlous communication from him to the publico was mado from this plaiforin three Sundays ago. He sent me to read to tu» cengregaticn his favorite ideas of Ors only God, the Universal Father, revpalsd by natur, by sotence, by all tho groat relizlous sear hers ef the world. Ha took pains also to send for me to read his 'Conversation with an Episo»- palian Bishop,\ who visited hm evidently to try g to convert him im his cld ase to trinitarian views, but Peter Cooper. firmly roplied that ho was, and would doubtless remain a bellever of one God, the Father, and intimated that, so far from beisg asHamed to die a theist, and to let It be so recorded in nistcry, it was h's great desire tbat this should be the case. These may, ho proclaimed as his last words to the religious world.\ There have been periods in the history of Cbhristisnity when a man holding taoge views would have been called an \ atheist,\ a \ heretic,\ and - would have basen burned at the stake.\ Atb a later stage 'key would have .been shunned as a bla«phemer ; in still later and gentlior times he would have been qalled a moral man, but one who by Teason of lack of faith was lost to all the promises of religion and not included in tha plan of salvation. Yet to-day-and this is a significant fact-this man is rightly oulo- gized from many evangelical pulpits, his 'life held up to men as a model worthy of ~* imitation, and the gates of heaven invoked ' to swing wide open that this saintly man may enter into the presence of his God.\ This fact shows that the most vital pirt of modern religion is its humanity, not its dogma. Not so much what mon say they believe as what they do, is the test. ' By their fruits shall \ye know them.\ Ani, moreover, so often wear the livery of the court of heaven to serve the devil in ; defaulting bank officers and swin- dlisg insurance officers, robbers of the widow and the orphan, have so often worn the livery cfilg‘eaven, that men who help the widow and orphan stand in lovable contrast. Thus, when a man like Peter Cooper mwlels his life upon the fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man, Christians instinctively feel that bis Mejia holy. Those who differ with him in the details of creed may yet honor his piety in living up.to his own stan- dards. The eulogistic sermons preached upon Poter Cooper thus do the pulpits 'great honer. They mark a higher growth in spirituality and humanity, and lead us a step farther away from fanaticism and per- secution. < Pwo vas schoost enough, budt dreo vis 'too 'blendy,\ romarked Hans, when his best girl asked him to take her moths» | along with him to the dance. nr lav \ Is tt a crime to be a woman ?\ asks Mrs, Blake, Not, we think if sho siacerely re- pents, asks to be forgiven, r to do so again, and promises not < ubvious reasons they are A Romance That an Application for aPon- son *Disclosed-Trut! | That Double ~ Discounts F'ltlono A Washington correspondent writes : ' A document filed as ovidenc l in a bounty claim was shown ma by a leadin treasury official. It containéd a story as ro tharkablo as auy- thing that ever emanatod rom tho prolific brain of the author of “' onte Cristo.\ I am not at liberty to uso all the facts or all the names in this curioug : papor, because the publication would give pain to worthy people who live within the limits of the national capital and to others who resido in Virginia and Mississippi. ['The story that I shall relates however, is a'true ono. About half a century ago a slayo dealor named Shoellers took n lot of slavps from Virginia to Mississippi for sale. Inm|tho lot was a dne motherly looking mulatto woman, who had with hor a little two-year-¢ld girl. Thochild was so pretty as to attractiuniversal atten- tion, and the mulatto woman was frequently questioned as to its paternity. Tho woman persisted that she was the . MOTHER O¥ THE CHILD, but declined saying anything about the child's fathor. The mothof and child wore sold to a young planter iff Hinds county, Miss., named Kit Morris. Morris was im- mensely wealthy. Ho owunpd plantations in Hinds, Madison aod Yazoo bounties, and all of them were well supplied tvith slaves. The place whoro Morris i in résided was Hinds county,and on this thy roulatto woman and the little girl, namoifl Louisa, were located. For the first few years after reach- ing Mississippi the girl Lotlisa lived at the pegro < quarters, As sho grow towards womanhood, however, she fave evidence of unusual intelligenceo,and promised to dovelop into a remarkably beaukildl woman. Sho was taken to the mansion House and given toKit Morris's eldest daugliter as a maid. She was a keen cbsorvor add an apt imita- tor. The Morris mansion was a sort of social center in the county, Rod a great deal of company was entertained thore. Louisa sawr amiability and beauty, she wis allowed many privileges. Although a slave, sho waa treated Almost as a mowber lof tho family. Ruch good use did she make] of hor oppor- tunities that at the ago of sifxteon she was finished in deportment and #s charfuing in manners as anybody in thei country. Sho regarded herself as a slave, giad had no other thought but sho was a negra) Tho old, old story now comes in. Tho plaiiter, of course, became very fond of her, and sho became | the mother of an illecitim ite child. The mulatto woman then came forward and dis- | closed the truth about the birth of Loagiss. She gave tho namos of the parents, but for ithheld. It is sufficient to say that, acaprding to the mulatto's story, Louiga cama) of the bluest markable men who ever occupied a seat in the United States senate, mulatto moman had been ind} this child of shame to save of a mistress that she loved bfsttor than hor own life. The disclosure of the parentage was made ouly to Kit Morri, and he kept the secret locked socuroly in his broust for several years. As tho storf goos, he re- pented of his feliy, and, whilb he loved the girl dearly, all improper refations ceased. The boy child she bore him his namo, and was educated by him in the best schools of Virginia, This son entelré the confed- erate service and fell fightiqgy gallantly at the head of his company ug [Leesburg, Va. The girl Louisa continued to live at e reputation girl. They wore both acknotledged by the overseer somewhere. bet ween;1840 and 1351). A short time after this a youthg man named German, from Virginia, log ted in Hinds county. He saw Louisa and admired hor. Kit Morris, who always had a warm place in his heart for the girl, wanted to geo hor happily married and settled in life, aud he offered to give Louisa hor free papers Jand a planta- tion on Silver creek, in Yhzoo county, if German would marry her, |This Corman refused to do, because ho thaught sho had negro blood in her veins. orris for the first time disclosed to Louisa the SECRET OF HER BIRTH, and also made known the factb to Gorman. Being satisfied that Louisa|was a white woman, and that she came ofthe best Vir- givian stock, (erman accapted Morris's propositien and married he. The couple moved to the Silver creek plaittation, where they lived and prospered fof many years. Not long sinco German died, and it is not improbuble that Louisa is still living on theo Silver creok plantation, or in fhat noighbor- hood. The two illegitimato dhildren of the overseer were woll educated, and aro now well-to-do people of Mississippi. - This little scrap of domestic history was |uncarthod by the department in search fiir the antece- dents of Thowas (Gorman, whiso wife was a claimant for bounty. Ouse! cannot help speculating how différent in life would the path of Louisa have been had abe been tho child of lawful instead of idicit love. moron on onne oem O. M.,Holcomb, of Bloomvilis, Ohio, rises to explain: (Had that torfible disease, catarrh, for twonty years ; coflldn't tasto or smell, and bearing was failing. Thoroua's Eclectrié Of cursed mo. Thdso uro facts volontarily given against a former proju- dico of patent medicine.\ \ a t I | oxridemment uf ter neighborboot,\ said the German barber near Coopor institute the oddor day ,; \ uf gourse der voman's reladifs . vould at dot chendleman write insulding lodders, und seme of der neighbors vould oxbress :ympathy mit der toor voman by baid vordsa or sdones or such dings, Dot LbobLens effery tay, Dut vile-beading chen- dleman is Ing land und dot sgreaming vife is Iroluant. Der reladifs poon der Irish in Americs, und dor poeighpors beon dor Amer- ican beeblte chonerally. ** Ven Ing-land gomblains of vot is sagt und done ofep, here ve should gry back : 'bhdop beading your vifo-you greoad pig bully; shdop beading your vifel' Ven Chormany und Ausdrina soy, liko dom did recently, dem der Americans blease shdop der freo speoch und money raising und dynamide und such dings, on accound. dot is making ow it of Irelant an unbleasant oxampleo py der rest uf Eurobe, va must giy badk, 'Make Ing land shdop boading his vife.' '' Py shiminy hooky ! dor growned vood- en heads uf Eurobe sind pegun to seo vot a ncosonce und drubble America vill .pesn to ter yot beseafdor alrotig. | Europeo is tike a louulo willage uf apowd dwendy olf farmilie: comtx sed, und all derm families haf doo pig grown for der original farms und shloppou oler into America a uf reladifs, Ler guflermend uf dot willoge is a lot af kings und gv eens vich are a back of loavers vot lif un der olt fagntivs, und dor same dime drea' 'em like der teflil. »yiupathy sa lu.t der pealdow uf der vcou urder, und ven a plow is at libordy edruc: der oder site, you vill hear sgreams uf de» rele difs in America, chuust as ven you bress dor button on von out of a delegraph vir you hear der gonsogwences py dgr oder ont. Dor faindesd gry for Lellup answered hero right avay, nut money pubs. licly, und brivately a lseedlo dynamido, ber-* haps. . \Und ven dor kings und gwesous com- blain, dero should alvays der same answe get : (Der drubble is not here alretiy. lv) on your site uf der pig svimming Win! Don't gormblain uf der You vill TE hear it if you shdop der oritichinal noise.' * Dot monkey bar; er py der negst shair he says ' dor Irish gwostion looks like it vil soon peon zettled if all der chonorals py Jo» batriot army come to dis gundry uni ai der high bnifates git locked mit Pritish chail> up.' ** Der lea uf such a monkey feller drying to dackle such a pig subchect is as much fool ishness as if a von-oged man should dry to: see der boto sides uf bim:ollif tergedder. His olt farder says ho is like der schmard 'Cherman poy vich vent to burchase a horse avay from a Chow. 'I know how to told a goot horse,' he sagt ; ' all vot has got to peen done is to look at his decth.' Der Chow a horse prought owid wich berfect desth bad, and svore poride dor grafo uf his far- cer dor animal peen choost as sound as der ult fashioned ffe-cent bieces, Der schmard poy baid.der brice und der horse dook avay, but ven his farder saw him he gried owid, * ¥y dot horse has only drese legs got.' \'Py ebimminy hooky \ der poy bat sagt. 'I forgot to gount his leg..'\ A TOUGH BEEFSTEAK. A delegraph gable ut vill. pas. How a Man Proposed to Get Even with Baggage Smashers. A waiter in a Now York dining saloon placed a sirloin steonk in front of a gontle- man the other day, \That's the toughest pieco of meat I over tackled,\ exclaimed the man, as he put tho ice-water pitcher out of the reach of his right elbow, \ and Gene- ral Grant made me eat mule meas of the hind legs in Vicksburg in '63.\ The man, seeing that it was useless to try to make an impression on the steak with the knife, sat back in his chair exhausted. After musing a fow moments, ho called the waiter and asked if there was another steak in the place like the one be had before him. He received an answer in the affirmative. \ Bring it right hore and two brickbats with it ; reckon I'll try a Honslalu sani- wich,\ . \ What's dat, sah 1\ ' ** Go \long and got me another steak.\ Tho waiter obeyed, and the man tosk a newspaper from his pocket, wrapped the steak up in it and wont to the cashier's desk with a check for sixty conts. \Got to-eatoh a train, ch 1\ oxclaimed the cashier ; \ and haven't time to eat here, eh 1\ , y \ No,\\ replied the man, \ not exactly. You see, I arrived in Now York from Now Orleans last week, and the baggage smash- ers knocked tho hinges from my trunk. I am going to replace them with these steaks, and I'll bet $50 that when my trunk gots back to Mew Orleans there won't bo a fiber of my new patent hing esstretched. I'll got square with tholo baggage smashers oren if I do lose a square meal.\ Ho Thought 80, \Timo flies!\ said a landlady to her philosophical boarder, so called ; and the P. B. responded : \ Yes, that is just what they are. Thay aro always on time and abead of time for people to get up while fiy- time Insts. 1 shall bo rejoiced whon tims flies to the end uf fly tims ; then I can find time to fly around and bave a little time to wyself,\ | 4 O., Feb. 11, 1880, I om very glad to say i havo tried Hop Bitters, and nover took anything that did meo as much good. J only tonk two bottles, and 1 would not take $100 for the good they did me. I recommend «hrm to my pationts land got the best results from thaoir usa. -_ C. B. Mencen, M. D. L Adoresses -A BHoautifol bummrfiry of the Philosophy of Calonel R. (G. Ingersoll on Mnndpit: eve | ing delivered an oration over the reqpitgs C | his friend, John J. Milld, a wellknow: Washington journalist., Mr. Elsi «&. gon soll, i pronouncing this parting tributo right; tbip and bumanity, gave tutti-ran; | to t ? following words : *' Again wo ata £109 5 , dfaco with the that $1 und tho world; wo question, but the} reply. - Out on the wide wasto of 3088 thort drifts no spar. Over fhe deserts? death the +phivx goezes forever, but neve} i peaks Iu tho vory May of life anothor HoArt'hai cessed to beat. Night has fallen poon, tut he lived ; he loved ; he X Wife and childron pressed their iises og bis lipa. This is enough. The longest lif contorns no more. | This fills the va§ of joy? Hu bo lies bero clothed with th¢ perfs £ peaco of death was a kind and lovidg hin band, a good fathor,a gonorous neigkbor, an. hunest man ; and these words buil ? t MONUMENT OPF GLORY al. vo the humblest gravo. Ho wab'flways a child, sincere and frank, us full of hopo as spring. | He divided a't his time intp® and to-morrow. To morrow was witkout & cloud, and of to-morrow he borrowed sung shino for to-day. will remain so. Tho living oft? ' ; estranged, the dead aro truo. - He was not al Cbristiap. - In the Eden of ho there did not crawl and coil the of eternal pain. In many languages be 3 tho tho ghts of men, and for his‘r‘ielf h: I solved the problems of the world. 1316 pes cepted tlie philosophy of Augusth‘Omwn Hun omty was his (God ; the hu hp to Supremo Boing. In that Supreme|{Boing bo rsud ; to believed that wo . R in- debted for what we enjoy to the lzflgdg, the self-denial, the heroism of the 11qu race,j [Rud that, as wo bave plucked the fruits of, what others planted, we, with thankftiness ® 8 » uld ; lant for others yet to bo. Fry} kim, immortality was ‘3 3 THE I TERMAL CONSEQUENCE , of hs ows good acts. He behséeLbhm This is n religion that enriches poveét , that enables us to hear the sorrows of te sad - | dest life, that peoples even solitude wifh the | happy millions yet to be ; a religibn boro ' not of selfishness and fear, but of I? and burdens of the unborn. In the premium of death how beliefa and dogmas with? and decay ; how loving wards and deeds burst into: blossom. Pluck from the tred df any life theso flowers and thore remain 1b t the barren thorns ef bigotry and creodi All wish for happiness beyond this hi?) All bopo to most a.ain the loved ones 1 In waver; heart there grows this sacredi flower: of eternal hops, Immortality is word that bopé through all the ages ! whispering to love,. The miracle of we. cannot understand ; ? -THE MT8TERYT or DEATH } 4} and hopé woe \cannot comprehend: ' This chaos called the world has never ben ex- plained. The golden bridge of lif ifmm gloom emerges amd in shadow Be- yond this we do not know. Fate is $gooch- less, destiny is dumb, and the secret df the {future has never yet been told. silo“, we wait, we hope. The more we 193: the more we fear. Upon the tends the deepost shadows fall - All whother filled with thorns of flowe kere. Hero success and failure arg some. The rag of selfishness and th§ pur- ple robe of power lose difference d} dis tinction in this democracy of death. / acter alone survives, gladness dent} love alone is immortal But to a comes a time when the fevered lipg long for the cool, delicious kiss of i Tired of the dust and glare of (15;th hear with joy £ xs rustusxg caruents 1% of the night. What can we say of Aflgath t What can we say of the dead : 5L, ere thoy have gone reason cannot go, om thence revelation has not come. Bu lo6 us beliove that over the cradle naturs® bonds aud smiles and lovingly abore the die in benediction holds her outstretched hands.\ New York, April 18 -Rev. Robo¥t Coll- yer, in his discourse last Sunday pt the Church of the Messiah, reforred in a epting terms to tho death of Peter Cooperfvéhogn be likeaed to Abrabkam Lincoln in regard to religious belief, saying, \ It makes nu}; dif. ference to what church such a man bel>® gs.\ Incidentally epeakiug of Bob Ingersolil, Me. Collyer spuke of him as \\ my frien * and said that ho felt that Ingersoll was g's of heaven as any man who had alaegys be- . lieved in Christianity. M . ~ om an rare- comm -es on ¥ Fou Can Bellevo It or Not. Miss Houso, of Paris, It, has traugo-like- sleeps, during which,as sho and her ffitonds believe, sho visits heavon. Sho gives what purports to be accurate, and certéinly aro elaborate, reports of what she 86813, in theso celestial trips. | Itis claimed, tog, ghat sho describes persons who died long ago,and about whom sho cam of kerself know' 510th ing. U 2. 'I was Yory Funny. Tegother thes wera looking ovaeyp theo paver. _ ' Ob, my I how funny !\ shat said. ' What is it?\ bo asked. \ Why harp? an . dvcnrnsf ment that says, ' No reasonably of. ler réfused.*\ = '\What's so odd about that ?\ _ ' Notbing, nothing,”ibhe replied, trying to blush, \ only those aro exactly my eredtimPnts.\ mo seis _ __. % Sbedd's little mandrake pills are small is x41, every good thought, every disinterested | deed, hastens the h@rvest of P feath. | tontous frown, as hoe took a chair at the maraging cdibog’? table. _ \I am a minister of the gospel, and I want-\ \Certainly interrupted the managing editor. \ We haye no objection to suppress- ing the facts, Do you know which reporter has them ?\ ' man. \I wish to remark, sir, that I1 have come-\ _ ' \* Well, just leave the lady's namo and I will look after 'the matter,\ the managing alightly, < \ It is not a lady at all, sir!\ proclaimed the visitor ; \ I quine to tell you, sir, that I am a clergy man, and that-\ - , *-¥es, yes,\ fnurmured the managing editor. \ It is about your son, I see. What is 1:9 charged with 1\ * **Do you understand me?' reared the divine, rising in wrath \I tell you; sir, I am a clergyman, amd I have come here for the purpose of-\ ** Pardon my error,\ cut in the wanacing editor, apologetically, \ How much of tte missionary money do .they claim is miss- ing 1\ bole t. * \ Will you let manish, sir ?\ demanded the pastor. - \ Did you catch the full import of my first remark! I am a clergyman, sir, and I am come-\ \I beg your pordom,\ exclaimed the managing editor.. \\I misunderstood you. It's catirely my fgult. . When was it loft on your doorstep ?\ / \ Never, sir ; npver,\ roared tho divine. the gospel. I have waited en you, sir, for the purposs-\ 5 Why, certainly,\ smiled the maraging my stupidity. Isc‘te it now. On whatpoint ars you a heretic !\ come to tell you that I am a clergymar out tion in a bank, and-\ \* God bless me,\ ejaculated the managing editor. \ And 3 bow much }\ \ That's like you,\ observed the religious $ | rifed guest tore out. ' You have a wonder: fful faculty for m1klng an ass of yourself | whenever you come in contact with ortho- ; dox theology. Do you know what that man bopo ; the religion that digs well to ”Ts-slain iéwagfid t\ a the thirst of others, that gladly beaks the E :- \Was it a game of poker 1\ asked the | managing ~editor, |dolefully. \It couldn't bo that. They ulllimow I don't play.\ ** No, it wasn't a; game of poker,\ sniffed the religious edifor. \That man is had hard luck and gquit preaching. - He is now a bank mossenger, and I think he . wanted the assistnqco of the paper in getting a call.\ : \ He'll never fétch it,\ muttered the i band a successful clergyman can hold, and he never came to n show down !~ By the gway, did you see labout that Presbyterian brother out in Montana who bluffed ous ' three jacks on a ¢our flush? Try and got seme argument out, of that in favor of prac- tical Christianity &s against the old tins custom of pastors fielding aloof from their flocks !\ 1 Ck Arpd the managing editor took a fresh sheet of paper and started on a laboring editorial demonstrating that the doctrinp of infant baptism would outlive the attacks of science on the church, and that a perfoct faith in Calvinism was the only way to earn «bread. THEY SETI1LED. i . [A Case Where the l Out of Their Fees. ' Two men were wrangling in front of the city hall the other {day, when one of them gcalled out : I *\ I tell you I doJ't owo you no $0 :\» \I say you do |\! ; * And I won't pay it !\ * Then I'll sue you !\ , At this point a pedestrian halted and in- quired of one :; - == \ Do you hunestly owe him ?\ ** Not a perny, 5g t\ | ! And will you syo him far $5 ?\ ho asked of the other. 1 . 6 I will 1\ t | \ Give him $7,\ the pedestrian to the debtor-* gifie him $7 and bp glad to. If he sues he's sure of &a verdict, hind your | expenses will remit} at least $10: Giv, him $7 andfbo thanuifal that you arp beating tuolawyers, a justico and a constable, aix jury men and witnesses out of their fees.\ | s d ' \ A satisfactory seéitlement was mado on the spot. { aA Cjol Thief. ~ j \ At Montrbal, a thief. wont into the hall Lawyers Wore Choated ** Well,\ replied the , 4, too \ \* OCprbainly, said the accommodating fief, and 8 . \ \y*\ Middle men—13mm; ate often but mid- ling weasures.\ There are no \ mifldlings \ 'nbout KiJhey-Wbrt It is tho most thor- cughly refined \flower\ of meditine. It ‘ knows no balf-way {measures, but fadically tproots all diseases of the kidneys, liver and fripation and treat$ the system so gently ind sootbingly as td prove its trig kinship and essy to take. Ono pill a dose. At druggists. a} < C nature in all ite praises. It is prepared. h both liquid and dty form. j e [ i ''Do you hear me} sir? Iam a minister of ' editor, \\ I owe you a thousand apologies for |. 'None,\ yelled the clergyman. © \ I am | bondsmen are stuck for € | editor, strolling in}; the sanctum as the hor- | «iboroughly a coni-iébent- Christian.: He has | ixxmnzaging editor. \'I called him on every | of | rowels. - It overthrows piles, abolighes con- | ''I do not, sip !'' thundered the clergy- | cditor again intprrupted, this time quailing | ' ‘l * la Lo r' 'o \ux \ ) Address alt Ohes mindful we. Ungame, Tekaram‘chgd \ mmfztgz’a?’ : . Problem Noe. 474 $00an K (By H. E. and J. Bottmah, Cinciunat, 03 \ White to play and mated in three 10751. 476. pola Mills, Pg; Froblom No, (By William Soott, Oso BLACK. of a pulpit, and that I havo accepted a situa- { ° haus, 6 games won each. the egitor of the New Orlean think of a chess congress? * wmzfi , White to play and mate {m three moves. & Game No, 120.-Muzio Gambit. (Played im the Berlin tourmey, Auzust 30¢ 1881, between Messrs. Wina wr ayld Zlfixenorgi ~* warre (Winatwer.) Krack (Zuke fort j. | 1. P to K 4 1. P te K4 . 2. P to K B 4 [2 P tks P 3. Et to EB 3 |8. P to K Kt 4 4. B to B 4 iigtoKtfi . 5. Castles */ 15. P tke Kt 6. Q tka P $6.3m412m 7. P to Q 3 (b) 7. P to Q3 _ 8. Q 6 ths P 18. [Helga 9. 1 to K Kt 5 18. P to K B8 (c) 10. P to K 5 (d) 0. Kt to Q2 0 ® . 11. P tka BP 1. K K4 tus P 12 B tke Kt Kt tke B 13. B tks B P2. Q tks 8 14. Kt to B 3 (e) 14. Castles Q R (h 15. Q R to K sq . Q to Kt 5 16. Q tks Kt B to Kt 2 17. R to B 4 1t. Q to Q 3 18. Q to K %. . 6 to K 4. 19.,Q tke Q ch (g) (a) The strongest and best nova is Q to B 3. éb) Better to have played Q '&ks P c) It would hare been mu (d) Yery fine move. . (e) It would have besu bad, lack answering Qtks Q etc., hare won the game,. (f) The best course under (g) Though white has a pa «aed to abandon the game plary Q tk Kt and black in'gac the circumstances abkead i; was de- a draw. . Around Our Chess World. -Tha Mechanics' chess club, of Newark. aud the Elizabgh club aro play{ng a game by cor- responcencé. ,. f « -Mr. Thayer, with aseom+of T wou. 1 lost, end 2 n, is-leading man ths New York Danités.chess club. \ -Lgok in our tel phié lumns next waek for wows of the London It opens on Htursday the 26th. -In the Vienna Praparatory tourney. .Porges, Weiss and Wittek tied on 1 4 wins a«4 l in a concluding pool drew § the prizes. P * ; -Something must be the mattor The Nowak Call and the Baltimore News leach o us this week minus their chess cblucmn If the publishers preferred paid aivertissn-ats. -The prizes in tho adusual han isin tourney of the Cafe de la Regease hate besn w in s {al- lows: First, M. Chimior. 814 jou: of 10 gimes; second, M. Clerg, 714 . thira snd fourth cid s between M. Amous de Kivi and M Ta sstsow- ames, s) divided -Just prior to his dep rs for LEageai Captain Mackenzte played| against twenty tureo cout-stguts a}. the Min battan club. among whom were tso ladies-M\ Faber and Mrs. Haydter. Eno single playst/wos 18, lost 4, and drew one. ' - Non.» on Chess Principles. Srorro® C.-1. A minor pibce alone c@rnot effect a mate umless the hoftile K a pawn or two that act as * blocks,\ and Hiait his lLgbt squares. 1s Two pisnops vin against thro or threa pawns, - bus the latter must generaily captured first. 8. Enigbt and bnshops when ipppused to a single. K. win with great cifficulty ont mccount of avoid- ing stale ma e. When. however. the K has ons 'or two pawus (not far advanced) then that diffi- cuity no longer cxists, ana the mate becomes easier. f 4. Two fEnights cenno; effsct a male against & ging'e K. althouzh m ste can sqmeuiwes be given, . gum the Wing -has one or two pawas ma. 5 Three minor pleces vin against one minot plece, but an exchange must carefully avoided uvlees two B s remain. b> . 6# a minor plece and pawn against a pawia in general situations as the single P canuot de from queening. at the same time.-ZL P. R M:x Judd, of St. Lous, has written a letter to Timea- Democrat, ** What do the players of your city OUufht we not to haya one, and would nat your club (take the lead? I krow of no ci-y in this country which could het- ter make a success of a chngress than Now Orleans, and no time better, than Mardi Gras Mime. It is true Now Orleans is not cantrally lo- cated, but then for those that would astend It is as good a point as any other. [It is near to H#-. vaua, snd that may induce Golmayoe to extetr, You (can count on my co operation ; we have h § no congress to speak of since 1880, and we 01151114 to have ove. (in.ipnati, I tunic no doubt, wan-A\l 4 belp some. All is wants is the New Orleans old to make a start, This is none too soon to the subject.\ - % J C No Hope for Him, A minister was called upon see a dying man. \I Wain; to talk abo’ut, religion,\ said tho man. \ I have a hopo.\ ee tQ’E‘rus‘: and Inga\ revlie1 the minister, will save you, that is, if you havent been a very » man.\ . *I killed a man once.\ \ That makes no difference.\ a ** I stole a horse several years ago a \ You can get forgiveness to w'nt & \ Well, then, I think I am sxe.\ a \ What business have you mainly followe *\ Journaliem.\ ) \lWltlfiedtpagtmegt 1wrung\ ** \ \I e a a chess depa h \ Then, goog-by. John. 1h§kva is no hope for you.\ . - . , Another American Representative,. rond Mr. Alex. G. Sellman took passage on the g0° steamer Brittinuiec, which sailda from Hawaii-“lg for England on the 6th instl. His MUMOTOUI fiends. we know, heartily join us !t wmelb. . bim a bon voyage, success in the tom-m; orb And a safe return We certainly have $17; ¥ lok 8 'n to expect that this talented aad fwd is exponent of the game. who enjoys afreogr ont which almost any piayer might be p ou. nod em: ree from the world's ches? oon o orican with well eamedilaurelsr-B more American. The Next American Tisu-nament. ms fellows : & \i A Brother Editor's“ pinton. . We extend our congrat \ essful completion of th* Bu: ingame f=r the sucs wets & It \u 1:d year of the TELBGRAX'8 j new-3mm to bring forward sotnething (2559222; itercs:. to its many r: aders. fo aro sti if“ ¢ ylnioa thas Fimira should haye a chess cigs. E.tizabeth Herald. s ~-. ' and my heart grows full of w better Q to K2. . § Lorts ais ~ § very well detended and the hqstile P nrflxnwd f Hons to Brother - @ wasa wns Is SILESO® ran red o in sflenose.; wo parted hy : 73,33!» banks of that lonely riv [. pore the fragrant Hines their bdaghs mite, : the iragront Noes thot bot \- aho pight bird sapg and the stark adore i fold many a touching story,; : ~> { friends long passed to the kingdom of lyre gmgfe the soul weats its mant] r glory. * ve in sfience - L $373,353}; tears they wera past cb ~> we vowed we would Hever, no n ver forgel, Aud thore vows at the time werk consoling : put thone Hips that echoed the sorads of mire, Are as cold as that lonely meg, And that eye, that bedutiful eptritls shrine . las shrouded its fires forever, And now on the midnight sky I Of Rech star is to me a sealed book, ! pigeme we parted $ | On the Db ta f B But the and blootn of those ! Shall hang o'er its waters farav . a propriate in ¥ featare, ci jaers to make ] of practical will you be kind? enough to fis rext Sunday's paper, \ Grandifna'i vireger pie, and oplige a lady f TELBGRAM ? If * N. Y., April 19, 1883. BgpLy.-We have no papers left wit i,. Will some of our ”13014135 king'y tureis@® it to us so we can repfigbligh is? § woxar'k work.. d '- The-quiet fidelity rial? which 2% dishwash her life away for her Hi chilaren is a marvel pf pnduranse.{ Here ds th- servitude of woman} heaviest-no #0: work done than it r 0?be to be ® ¥en take jobs, work on them., finid they are over for good &nd all. & ending them and drawing pay f6% the labor is alluring, but no such alfnrements dre held out for the wife. £ the same earments mm? there is p j W I ef them to wash; then they are Sthing place A0 'rabbing and wringing. goes on f@rever. <#h> same holes meeting ber pate woek . for if there is a darned place in a sdck \he\ i Every morning the moors are put i g to be in the wildest dis irder by thef tine nizo: falls, There are no jobs, each one fAiferent, a . pay. The same soctks,{the 'same w \same rogm every timg. Thero @ tatoes for the family. of body gnd mind is /wo'th more t «% actes of land, or firer live stock. | Toe, heart skounld not be allowed to grow old. shoul 1 ¢ 3 the body its elasticity atiforty yea bow many women arc fééedand w. 3: and ghat . tered in mind and b¢éelth, long bef@re they are kriy. All the joy of lifé is not in yo: ing. I wa so will it. we can, to $he last mo- Happy. -] PRAC'I'IGAL‘ RECIPES, ® Corn Brzap WITHOUT Eucs.-Iwo ups of eo n meal, one cup of flour, two cups df milk, two tablespoonfuls of melted butter, two table- speonfuls of. sugar, two imaspoonfals of bafing powder. © f Browx Brzan -One egp of corn mpal, one cup ef Graham flour, ong cup of sour milk, one cup af warm water, onehalg‘cup o' m feaspoontful of soda, a' little salt steam two kours. Serve at table hot. * ¥Frrxcon Toast. -Beat four eggs ve with them a pint of 'milk ;' slices som§ Bread ; dip lard; fry brown; sprinkle a littld powder»d sugar and cinnamon, on each piece g . Here is a recipe for steamed b aff\ Ore quart of Indian magi. one pint itir these together and afd 'one q milk, ore cup of molasses, two 8 . 3 [of soda; add a gale-salt, and steam for four g 7 hours. . f e Barms Poworr Biscurr.-Take gne quart of flour, three teaspoonfuls, of baking gowder, mix thoroughly, then rub in butter or 1s 3 - fh egr, and wet with milk, stirring w 3 til! thick efough to lay on the moj Sut thin and bake in a qhick oven. f Baren Se ; one half pint of An the fire and stir'in one half cup 6f} with a little cold milk and salt; wh ket, beat the ', yelks of six eggs and, Kir in whites and set immediately tj the oven ; bake twenty minutes and serve a s-sdon as done. Corx Sraren and one half cups of Kugar. whites of six eggs, one-half} wilk, one and one half dips flour, Q e-half cup fom starch, one half cup butter, twq teaspoon- tule of cream tartar, jand gre teaspoonful of sods;* lemon 'to flavor, Affer'all is well mixb half cup cold water, | ; 0 > ¢ e | * RoserrEs.-To three eggs. the yéiks beaten Tery light, add one quart of milk, a gece of but ter the size of an ege cut in little pleges into the milk and eggs, threa cofféo cups of fbur, a little falt, three teaspoonfuls of baking p lastly, the whites of the eggs and stirred quickly into the mixture, Amick oven, ; © f | (5ng Puopnina -Ong quart of } KEM, two dessert spoonfuis of com § a ibe yelks, corn starch and milk afd If custard ; let it stand until cold, E | lice four oranges in a {dish, with t} 2 \ugar; pour the custard:over the of all together, then put the whites, with a little sugar, on the top of the whole, Set I 8 oven for a few moments to br g Att very eold before serving. . . _| Arpus Copprz.-Pare and quarter tart apples, if | \24 mix them gently with on6 lemon for every 2 Iz Apples, and cook 31.1.1 a straw will pass . gifmlh them. Make a syrup of half 2 , to sugar to eadh pound of appl g {PDles and- lemons, sliced, into the t J., 70! gently until the appleis lGok clears then take\ ; mem up carefully, so as not to breakfithem, and 223311 ounce or-maré of to ithe syrup, a Jet it boil up, Then lay a sliecd of lemon Reach apple, and strainithe syrup Aver them. “TA « : pound of Kennedy's PEP Remedy. 'I will give $50 for any case ofipi larrh, old sores, palt theum or inflamma- gory rheumatism that I jcannot c Isazo KannEDy, Elmira, © Price 50e. and $1 per box ; by 16 She washps Monday gfter Moni.y | by | merpds the stockings wich ireless g delHiy, the s aot have lost its charm, the heart i:4 spi-it, ani | tke pieces into the egg ; lay them in § pan of hot$ i | I t t | h: ¥aa fS\: \fas : Cé 10+ i ! a O | d
