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MIRON DINGS, Editor and Prop’r. A LOCAL JOURNAL', DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OF ITS PATRONS. TERMS—$1.00 PER TEAR. VOL. IV. GILBOA, SCHOHARIE CO., N. Y., OOTOBEJR 13,1881. NO. 19, U M D E R T A K I N G Sc C A B N l 'f W O R K ! E. T. G r t f f i n , U n d e r t a k e r a n d D e a l e r ln all k i n d s of F u r n i t u r e . F a i n t s , Oils. V a r n ish, P u t t y , Window Glass. Brushes, &c., Ac., Giiboa, N. Y. VAS BA It COLLEGE, POUGHKEEPSIE, N. Y. F o r t l i e l i b e r a l G d n c a t i o u o f W o m e n , E x a m i n a t i o n fo r e n t r a n c e , S e p t . 1 4 t h . C a t a l o g u e se n t on a p p l i c a t i o n to W. L . D e a n R e g i s t e r . D R U- DRUGS! DRUGS! J. M . H A Z A R D , \ tilboa , N . Y ., i —<r D r u g s , M e d icines, Oils, T i n c t u r e s , D y e - s tuffs, E x t r a c t s . H e r b s , B o o t s , F a n c y Toilet A r t icles. CIGARS AND CO N F E C T IO N E R IES. PHOTOGRAPHS I Photographs Ave Down! Clear Down!! D o w n t o t h e J B o o t o m ! ! ! CT^C abinets only $3 p e r Dozen a t A b b o t t ’s, SO Broadway, A lbany. N. Y. New i-ceriery j u s t put in e n a l l e s him to make ail kinds of w o r k in the m o st m p roveu manner, and at Lowest Prices. %y48 O O k \ G ' H a v e y o u r m a g a z ines, m u s ic, Ac. bound. H a v e y o u r old books reb o u n d and dressed over. E v e r y d e s c r i p t i o n of w o r k done In all s t y l e s aud a t low prices. H a r p e r ’s, S c r i b n e r ’s, 1 e t e r s o n ’s a n d m a g a z i n e s of t i n s c lass n e a r l y b o u n d for S 8 c. J. J. S c a n l o n , Agent. O r d e r s m a y be l e f t a t tlie M onitor Office. O S T R A N T D E R , 173 T h e S tra n d , O p p o site P o s t Off ice, R o n d o u t , N . Y . • * Laughing Gas administered. Never throw away a broken set of teeth, as they can be mended at the above place. 17-ly iAiBLE /GRANITE F r a n k R i c h t m y e r , K o x b u r y , N. ¥• All orders for Monumental work, Head Stones, Tablets, &c., promptly attended to, and warranted to giye satisfaction. 1L B O A FOV1VDR1. G We wish to inform our friends and pat rons that we are manufacturing and keep constantly in stock all kinds of P low s £ C a s tin g s such as are in general use. CULTIVATORS, SCRAPERS, LARGE KETTLES, B O X Hop Stoves, Sleigh Shoes, Bolster Plates, Sledges, Sap Grates. Plates and Job Work. We also manufacture the E x c e lsio r Churning M achine, FOR DOG OR SHEEP. Highest Price Paid For Old Iron. A .Tfl. G I L B E R T Sc C o . £}ASH, BLINDS, DOORS, &c. -o- The Sash and Blind Factory late ly occupied by “Doc.” Stannarcl, at Grand Gorge, is now owned and run on full time by Mrs. E. More. WE HAVE ON HAND A FULL SU P P L Y O F T H E B E S T MICHIGAN PINE, And Have Employed First-Class Workman. All orders will be done wtib dispatch. W o m a n ’s B i g h t s . I H e C u r e d H i s W i f e . {From the Albany Press') Apply or address all orders to W. M oke , Grand Gorge. E d i t o r P r e s s : Kate C. Nelson is about right. If we have some manly women a- mong us, who think man’s work more exalt ed than woman’s, let them vote. There is nothing so invigorating as exercise in the o- pen air and a woman can get it by elbowing her way among the men to get to the polls on election day ; but I dont know which is the most angelic, doing that, or modestly helping the erring one to a better life. But won’t we have jolly times when the univer sal .suffrage law is passed ? The world will immediately be turned topsy-turvey and present an appearance something like the following, viz : The better time is coming if women will but wait, ; r When they can boss the masculines, preach, vote ami legislate ; When they can pop the question for better or for worse, And prove the grey mare, past dispute, to be the better horse. The doctors have already come, the lawyers soon are coming, Tne ladies will be piping, the women will be drumming, Tiie Kev. Dr. M a r y Jones will tie the nup tial knot, And Sally Smith, our president, will risk a passing shot, The ladies and the gentlemen will go it as they please, Iu all the daily papers will be notices like these : “Miss Tahiti ia Partington has excellent beef-steak, On Pearl Street, No. r>4 ; a call if you will make, The lady will politely show her wares»to one and all ; Her meats are *ail the‘best at p rices -~vefy small.” “ Wanted—'A young man, a widower may be, To go out by the day to take care of a ba by.” “John Brown, the famous dressmaker, on Clinton avenue, Has all the latest patterns, Parisian fashions too ; His staff of male assistants is all that is re- quix*ed, And will neatly fit the ladies in a style to be admired. ” Mrs. Deacon Horton would like to call a meeting Of all the lady deacons, as time is ever fleeting, To consider on the subject of the Rev. Mrs. Hall, Who is open to engagement and would like to get a call.” “Miss Jemima Hendricks now keeps a liv ery stable, Where all can be convenience in a manner very able ; Her place is well conducted by the lady per sonally, And is found at No. 40 of the well known Camdy alley.” And an entire overhauling will immediately take place— The ladies will be plumbers and think it no disgrace, They will be well-versed in manly arts and even in stealing spoons. But likely work a little while without the pantaloons, Ttye gents will not feel humbled to take in private washing. And the ladies will be soldiers in a manner very dashing. It will be only proper when considered in this light, For the girls to ask their lovers to see them home at night. The women, now in prison penned, will rule with rods of steel, And Ma will eat the dinner, while Pa will cook the meal, We’ll rule the roost, we’ll rule the realm, we’ll vote and legislate, And P a can rock the cradle, and Ma will rock the state, Cheer up your hearts, my sisters, with such an end in view. We’ll prove that what is sauce for goose is sauce for gander too. Will you join hands with me, friend Kate, aud go boldly to the front ? or will we stay where we are and be sensible ? ~ Your friend, T h e L i e u t e n a n t . Inanimate objects are learning to He with Jmost as much abihty as a man. Frank West drives; his forehead into his hands, raises his ey& to heaven, and redives his head. ‘Yes’ cries he in despair ; ‘I can no lon ger doubt—dissimulation must vanish —I know it! I havej^the proofs at hand — a letter from him tester. What must I do? t1’ • Ask for a divorce uppn the ground that it is not natural that a .‘’young man, who has visited my house b*& half a dozen times. should call my wife/Mary ? If he is a man of iutricate dispositions, he should have commenced by callrdg me Frank. But then the courts will drag my suit for many months, and I become somewhat a centre for ridicule. No sympathy is ever shown a husband who is; but; to the contrary, his matrimonial adventures are laughed at. We have not even the pity of others who are —they laugh the louder. That, is quite natural; I would do.the same. Henceforth I wish that all my friends may become what An old proverb says, the more the merrier.’ Let me see. Suppose I should provoke him to a duel. I seek the seducer and say to him : ‘Sir, you b^vve my wife, and X ask for satisfaction, he accepts. We go out up- ou the field ; he may wound or kill me. Suppose only a slight wound—that would not be jolly. ’Tis said that men in my fix are lucky, but I have no confidence in my new star ;’ that yellow planet might not turn from my breast my adversary's bill or iron. I am! no swordsman, ana he is a crack shot. I have seen him hit the mark nine times out of ten . 1 Under similar circum stances the law should allow that only the injured husband could-have a loaded pistol. But then the law grants no privileges what ever. Then we will not figlu ; and I will simply content myself with odservations on the subject to my wije. She will promise to never see ±happoint is—will she keep her^promise ? No. For bid a woman doing something, and that is the very something she is going to do. If I command her to shun Brown, she will adore him ;and, perhaps she does not love him yet. I have a new idea—here comes my wife. Attention. ‘Good morning, Frank. You are wri ting ?’ ‘To our friend Mr. Brown.’ ‘Remember me kindly to him .’ ‘Certainly, with pleasure. I ask him to dine with u s.’ He is a nice young man, quite jolly, and I find he does not come to st e us often e* nough. He must dine with us at least once a week. ‘Very good, my friend, if it pleases you. The letter is sent and Brown accepts with’ pleasure. Three days after, he is invited to breakfast and dinner. Mr. West places photographs of Brown everywhere. Ten of them in the album—some here and there, One evening Mr. West comes home with a frame under his arm. ‘Dear wife, guess what I have brought von ?’ ‘Somethingpretty, I hope my dear.’ ‘Yes ; something that will please you.’ ‘Show me quick.’ ‘No, my dear; gusss.’ ‘Do not keep me thus in suspense—you know women are curious.’ ‘Do you give up ?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Then look at this. ’ And Mr. West exhibits to his wife an oil painting of their friend Brown. ‘What, again another picture ?’ cries Mrs. West. ‘Yes, we did not have his picture in oil.’ ‘Did he sit for the painting ?’ ‘No ; I had it painted from a photo graph. ’ ‘Where are you going to put that pic ture ?’ ‘In our bedroom, in front of the bed; and when we rise in the morning, or cannot sleep at night, we will be able to admire the features of our friend.’ ‘At last you, my dear you become a bore with your Mr. Brown !’ says Mrs. < West, impatiently. ‘Bravo’ thinks the husband. My Httle expedient produces its effects. I must keep it up.’ ‘Mary my dear. ‘What is it, Frank.’ ‘I am to be troubled with a lawsuit.* ‘Ah ! try to gain it.’ ‘I will consult with Brown in the affair ;• he is well versed in law matters^ ‘According to you, Mr. Brown seems a Phoenix.’ ‘Certainly ; he has a remarkable into lli- gence. As I have no time to lose, plefase take this letter to him and ask him to dine with us. ’ j ‘You can send the letter later ’ ‘No ; he must have it right away.’ ‘I can’t go out so early in the morning.’ ‘Two months ago, did you not go out be fore breakfast three times a week to take baths ?’ ‘I have given up that mode of treatment. ‘Yes ; I have noticed that you do not go out quite so often. But on an important affair like this you should not refuse me. ’ ‘Canuot you go yourself?’ ‘No ; for I expect some one here, ‘Well I will go for y o u .’ ‘Good, good, good !’ thinks Mr. West. I think that she begins having an indigestion of her lover, for it is no longer forbidden fruit. If I had asked that she ^discard Mr. Brown—had I torn his portraits—all would not have worked so well. A little more cour age, and I will be master of the situation.’ One morning Mr. West came home in a suit similar to that worn by Brown. He parts his hair like Brown’s his whiskers are shaved and cut like Brown’s. Mr. West is no longer Mr. West, but Brown No. 2 , upon seeing him his wife is t stu p e f i e d . ‘Are you crazy, Frank to get yourself up in such a state ?’ ‘Why my dear ?’ ‘My darling husband, do you wish to make me the happiest of wives V ‘What must I do ?’ ‘Let us go and spend a few months at my m o t h e r ’s in th e c o u n t r y . ’ ‘We will take Brown with us.’ ‘For Heaven’s sake, no—only we two— aud you would please me by throwing all Mr. Brown’s photos and pictures into the fire. »Let your whiskers grow as before, omd do not nemind me whose s h h t I cannot bear.’ His wife is cured. They both live hap- py- Made His Fortune. A m o n g the passengers th a t boarded the w estern-bound train last evening was Q u a n g Long, E -q., the w a sherm a n of Seventh street. Seeing the reporter he becam e clam orous for a “ p e rsonal” which he w anted inserted in this issue w ithout any “ dam foolee.” “ G o ing far, Q u a n g ? ” asked the re porter. “ Going hom e ,” was the sententious reply. “ N o t to C h ina?” “ Y es.” The reporter looked at Q u a n g ’s tick et and saw it was good for San Francis co and on to the port of Shanghai, in the Celestial Em p ire. The pagan and reporter sat down to exchange' fare wells. In th e ir conversation Quang stated th a t lie had m a d e enough m oney in E rie to support him and his family in affluence the rem a inder of his life. He had been nearly six y e a rs in Am er ica and had worked m o st industriously to attain the com p etence with which he w as now retirin g from business. Sewn nr) in the lining of liis pants lie had $ 2 , 2 0 0 in bills of $ 1 0 0 denom inations. This sum he will pay into the Chinese Bank, at California, in which lie has al ready quite a respectable sum deposit ed, and will g e t a draft for the whole on a Chinese “ m oney house,” as lie term s it. In . a little pocket near the concealed bills he w e a rs a sharp-point ed dagger, and behind him he carries an arsenal of assorted firearms th a t not only im p e d e his locom o tion but will m a k e it risky for those who share the sam e c a r with him. He says the fortune he has m a d e in w a shing shirts will be as good as m il lions, and henceforth he will be a big m a n , a boss am o n g his fellows. In bis satchel he had quite a collection of spurious nickel, bronze a n d silver coins w h ich had been “ shoved” on to him by unprincipled'patrons before he becam e civilized to the e x tent of know ing good from bad money. “ G o ing to give these to your children w h en you have them , I suppose?” re m a rked the reporter. Q u a n g shook his head and looked know ing. “ Me going to p a s s ’em on Chineem an in San Fangsisko just come over,” said he. A n d then the reporter apologized for calling Q u a n g a p a g a n .—E r ie Dis patch. - ^ ^ T h e stock-yards at K eith station, on the M issouri division of the N o rthern Pacific railroad, have been built under the superintendence of Alfred,M yers, a well know n stockm an, and is-already receiving M o n tana herds for shipm e n t east. Mr. M eyers and other stockm en have e x a m ined the Beaver creek coun try, and say it will furnish good graz ing for th ir ty thousand head of cattle each season. All a re accordingly well pleased w ith the location of the stock yards at Keith. In Elysian Fields. I t is not generally known, I believe, th a t the fam ous garden know n as the Elysian Fields is only a few doors out of the beautiful Cham p s Elysee. P e r haps some one will ask, And pray w h a t is the Cham p s Eiysee? In reply, I m u st say it is Paris, France, tne whole world. T h e re is no such avenue elsewhere on the face of the glob#;.and all so-called boulevards, no m a tter where situated,' pale into insignificance when c o m p ared w ith Elysian Fields of Paris. Every one goes into Cham p s. Ely see to talk about the races, women, pictures, all things interesting, excepting politics. If you want to discuss • p olitics, just cross the river yonder by the bridge built from tlie stones of the Bastile,aiu! under the shadow of the P a L is Bour bon—where M. G am b e tta lives, and the Cham b er of D eputies holdHheir sit tings—there enjoy yourself as you plea.se: but in the Cham ps Elysee ja ma is ! Sit in the grand thoroughfare of an afternoon, and witness the fashionable folk and see the demi-mondame return ing from their drive in the Bois de Boulogne. The avenue is an im m ense inclined cone through which a host of carriages is constantly ascending or descending. A t the bottom is the Place de la Concorde, with its m any m o n u m ents and beautiful fountains and its lost part of the Egypt inn god Osiris, with the Garden of the Tuileries for a background. At the top of tlie great Arc de Trium p lie overlooking every thing: and behind it the setting sun C5 > ~ - - shining in am ber-colored tint, speaking to one’s heart in a language not easily translated. U n d e r tiie trees the prom- enaders are num erous. L ittle boys and girls with their nurses surround the Punch and Ju d y show.*; and, strange to say, the whi-e-capped. whi e- aproned young women in charge are waving a great deal more attention to certain men in arm y uniform than they are to the rising generation intrusted to their care by hopeful mammas. All the iron chairs, at two sous each, are let to ladies, who are resting their iVeary bones or are w a tching 41m de file of carriages, c o loring the p'anoram a now and again with bits of gossip about this, that or tiie other fair occu pant. On tho gr.iveiied tracks belles petit walk and watch, just as m a n y of the beau-rnonde in the iron chairs m e also on the keen look ut for men with money. All sorts of P a ^ s ian comedies are played here, and not to have risked the Elvsian Fields is worse than going v r> o to Venice and com ing awav a g a in with- O fD out a ride in agondoia. — Cor.St.Louis Globe Democrat. «*- ♦■«». - Selling Yankee Notions. “W h a t are Y ankee N o tions?” asked a Tribune reporter, of the head of one of the largest houses displaying that sign in New York. ‘Y a n k e e N o tions?” he replied. “Yon will have to ask me an easier one, if you expect an.answ er. T h a t title in cludes m o re articles than 1 could nam e over in a week’s time. We supply al m ost everv branch of trade with a g r e a t 'J ______________________________________ < _ 3 m a n y things: fancy articles for drug gists, including toilet soap, face pow der and patent clothes-brushes; knick- knacks for dry-goods houses, from a fancy needle-case to a pin or a fine- toothed comb odds and ends for h a rd w are dealers, as patent trolling spoons and flatirons ; fancy articles for m illi ners and furnishing goods houses, from a hairpin ta a patent g a r t e r ; m any things for toy end book stores ; m atch safes and cigar cases for tobacco deal ers ; in short, we g ive to every business some of the innum e rable trinkets and contrivances th a t are the results of Y ankee ingenuity.” “Is not vour business, then, different from others in its m ethods?” “ I t is. And w h at’s more, each Y a n kee N otion House is different from all others of its. kind, in articles handled 1 and in m ethods. W e never can take clerks from other businesses or from other houses in our own trade. W e have to take young boys,, fresh from school, and train them to our methods. I m ight explain our tricks and m e thods to you for a m o n th, and you w o u ldn’t understand them . The general public has only a hazy idea of our trade, and we don’t wish it to have any clearer know ledge. We don’t know very m u ch about the ways of other firms, and we don’t intend they shall know ours. T h e trade is as old as Y ankee ingenuity, and has grow n w ith the country, and beyond it, too.” “Do you export notions?” “ O, yes. Foreigners are beginning to find out th a t the Y ankees invent a thousand and one convenient little knickknack§kuch as they n e v e r d ream e d of. W e senti all \manner of things to every c o u n try of Europe, to Africa, Asia and A u stralia. I expect we w ill be send in g paten t spits to the Cannibal 'Islands before long.” ^ a ^ Those innocent, Harmless sharks are creating a big deal of talk in GotlTkm, and are the envy of the. monsters of Wall street and Board of Trade alley..
