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Idvertiser-Q-azette PUBLISHED EVEBY TUESDAY. jjpGAR PARKER,Pr&prietor. No. 19 Seneca Street. SB AD VEBTISING COLUMNS r v TO ^1 L CLASSES OF LB&TmATE A RE nrFKTISlNQ. Bates low as any paper Compared to standing and circulation , JOB PRINTING hraneht'3 J\ n e with neatness and des- in a\ il J pat,-U. and at fair prices. Eternal VIglatiee is the Price of Liberty.\ '^^^S!i ! ^/%^* g ^5^y^^^K3£. - *J'* ; ^ :-^ / ; r?'' ; \ r .-'\\'^?* ;: '?-•rt\'*-v**'\'-.* s \ l ---vTT>-£7r *^;*';-'VrZ' '• \\'\•'-'\''-*''*\;''V^'^^.^\^-' : : T~-'' '\'=' \-^V } ' -^l\ ' •-W^ *•' •' ;^^*< 5? ^ $1.50per Year,in Advance. 0ENEVA, m. Y„ TUESDAY. llAMM 18, 1902. !*d. ,1191. Is now located in the Prouty Block, there is anything in the line of Goods, Tin Ware, Cutlery, Seeds, Grains, &c, you will find it! HERE. Something New and Nobby in this line. Can anything better oe sug- gested in the way of A WEDDING PRESENT ? SEE THEM AT J. P. HILL & COMPANY'S. Five Floors on Castle St. Five Floors on Geneva St. S. Southworth, General Insurance Agency. Agency for the sale of Passage - Tickets TO AND FBOM England, Ireland and Scotland, * By the various lines of Ocean Steamers. Drafts, \ On London, Dublin, Edinbttrg C(! bV a '\'* f'DL-ipal cities of France, Switzerland, B -'£ium. Holland, Germany, Poland, Den- mara. Swedon, Norway, in sums to suit. 9 -ll Seneca Street, Geneva. FIRE SALE\ OF GASRANGES HOT PLATES GAS Heaters and RADIATORS Portable • Lamp Stands And Fixtures. We have a few of the ill above mentioned Nicies that we will «spose of regardless 0! cost. NOW IS THE TIME To get a good $AS RANGE Very Cheap, THAT WATCH OF YOURS. What's the matter with it? Missed the train; late to dinner; wtfe kicking because you are '*£© slow? 3 * ~Wmi place it to your ear--rfrticks.- That's all you can say of it. Well! Why, you wM s That's all there is about it, and there is ONE PLACE IN GENEVA wltere you can get a watch that -will give the correct time of day; AT Hisrwatches do not fail, they are warranted all rsght,: ap right. His place isGeneya's headquarters for 8 < > .H W •a CO W in < u td M 3 fed o Hi W CD 02 w O Charmi* and Plated Wja*e '6 * 4ssf. s w » ft 3SL Ba.8% wide range of 5 eircttlation in Geneva sind -tii^ Go^tMry v sur- rounding, going into the hfflnes, of its pafrons. Itfe uni&rmi^J clean, arid speaks; the truth.^ != >4 --J- Whowishto reach a class of pajH ^i|| ipg customers we .offer space lo these^cplumns at. reasonable fig- ures; Call at the office, o^wrifce. _ Story of the I%?at of Its 3Qn<jk If there isf»y^^^S lines wanted, 3^^°^^ for straight goods «*«*£ Z?mr articles that «%^^^ money you can always depena on \ \, 'V'. ( -. At Haight's Oia %M : M%0^ m m M :*fc*. i&«Mii^ B^ SUSAJNT COOUDGEB. 4 Now that fir needles and hemlock /needles have become recognized ar- ticles of commerce and every other shop boasts its row of fragrant i^nshions, with their inevitable motto, \Give Me of Thy Balm, 0 Fir Tree,\ I am reminded of the first pillow of the sort I ever saw and of what it meant to the girl who made it. I should like to tell you the little •story, simple as it is. It belongs to' •the time, eight or nine years since, before pine pillows became popular. Perhaps Chateaubriand Dorset may be said, for once in her life, to have set a fashion. Yes, that was really her name! Her mother met with it in a news- paper and, without the least idea as to whether it appertained to man or woman, adopted it for her baby. The many syllables fascinated her, I suppose, and there was* besides, that- odd joy in a piece of extrava- gance that costs nothing which ap- peals to the thrifty New England nature and is one of its wholesome outlets and indulgences. So the Methodist elder baptized the child Chateaubriand Aramin- tha, making very queer work of the unfamiliar accents, and then, so far as practical purposes are con- cerned, the nume ceased to be. How can a busy household, with milk to set and milk to skim and pans to scald and butter to make and pigs to feed find time for a name like that? \Baby\ the little girl was called till she was well settled on her feet and in the use of her little tongue. Then she became \Brie/' and Brie Dorset she remained to the end. Few people recollected that she possessed any other name unless the marriage, birth and death pages of the family Bible happened to be under discussion. l The Dorsets' was one of those picturesque, lonely, outlying farms past which people drive in the sum- mer saying: \How retired! How peaceful!\ but past which almost no one drives in winter. It stood, with its environment of red barns and apple orchards,. at the foot of a low granite cliff whose top was crowned with a fir wood and two enormous elm trees met over its roof and made a checker work of light and shade on its closely blind- ed front. No sign of life appeared to the city people who drew their horses in to admire the situation except perhaps a hen scratching in the veg- • -etable beds or a lazy cat basking on the doorstep, and they would drive on unconscious that behind the slats of the green blinds above a pair of eyes watched them go and a hungry young heart contrasted their, / lot with its own. Hungry! There never was any- thing like the starvation which goes on sometimes in those shut up farm- houses. Boys and girls feel it alike, but the boys are less to be pitied, for they' can usually devise means to get away/ How could Brie get away? She was the only child. Her .parents had not married young. When she was 19, they seemed almost elderly people, so-badly does life on a bleak New England farm deal with human beings. Her mother, a frail little woman, grew year by year less fit for hard labor. The farm was not productive. The fir wood on the upner hill was the temple where she worship- ed. There she went with her Bible on Sunday afternoons, with s her patching and stocking\ mending on other days. There she dreamed her dreams and prayed her prayera, and while there she wais content. But all too soon would come the sonnd of the horn blown from below or a call from the house: \Brie Brie, the men are coming to supper. Make haste P And she would? be forced to hurry baek to the worka- day world. When she was just 20, her father fell front bis loaded hay wagon and fractured* bis thigh. There was no cure for the hurl, and after six months of hopeless attend- ance he died. Brie and her- mother Krere left eogether on the lonely farm, with the added burden of a large bill for doetoring and medL- .eines, which pressed Uke a heavy weigbt on their honorable hearts. The hired man, Benben Hall, was well disposed;and honest, but beforo Mr. Dorset's death! he bad begun ;to talk of .going to fie wes^ and Brie foreboded that he iniglftkot be walk ing to stay with them, Mrs, Dorset, broken down V iuising and sor- row, had be&ome aidinyaaid, unable to assist save i n 4&e-lightest ways. Theburden was sore W$/<x& pair of shoulders to-bear. Me kept up a brave face by day, but at night horrors ol-helplessness.and appre- hension seized her. The heavens seemed as* brass/against IvMch:.w jfeeble prayer^ beaf in vain; the ftt- *-tu*# W larred/aiS it were; with an riiapassaplegafe. . \What oould- they do? Sell the farnl? That wotuld take time, for m one in partieular wanted.to buy & If Reuben .wotdd stand by them, they ^ might be /able *o fight it out for another year aincl-what with Mt- .f&aa&eg&B and &e corh crop make eftbughi^r his wages and a bare liv* ing. Butiwbttldjteuben stay B (>ur/virtues sometimes treat us as investments &* s^ ^* UJ % a $?i* 4&id when we leapt expect ifc Utt # a g at *bis hard tjrisis that; certain 2ooi deeds^ of Erie's in the past Stood her friend. She had always been good to Reuben* and her BWeet vways and consideration for his com- fort had, gradually won a passage in- to his' rather stohd affections. Now, eeeiag•\*& m$it$mby rata was in i &£&* mm*0k wkduiw met It, he could not quite Shd the heart to 'leave the little gal to make <?ut by hejself .\' Fully purposing to go, he staid> putting off the idea of de- parture from month to month, ahd, though true- to his idea of proper- caution, he kept his good intentions to himself, so that ielief of having him there was constantly tempered by the dread lest he might go at any time. Still it was relief- So April passed and May -and June. The crops were planted, the vegetables in. Brie strained every nerve. She petted her hens and coaxed every possible egg out of them; she studied the tastes of the two cows; she maintained a brave show of cheer for her ailing mother, but all the time she was sick at heart. Everything seemed closing in. How long could she keep it up ? .The balsam firs of the hill grove could have told tales in those days. They were Brie's sole confidants. The consolation they gave, the coun- sel they communicated, were mute, indeed, but none the less real to the anxious girl who sat beneath them or laid her cheek on their rough stems. June passed, and with early July came the answer to Brie's many prayers. It came, as answers to prayers often do, in a shape of which she had never dreamed. Miss Mary Morgan, teacher in Grammar School No. 3, Ward 19, of the good city of Boston, came, tired out from her winter's work, to spend a few days with Farmer Allen's wife, her second cousin, stopped one day at the Dorsets' door while driv- ing to ask for a drink of water, took a fancy to the old house and to Brie and next day came over to propose herself as a boarder for three months. \I can only afford to pay $7 a week,\ she said. \But on the other hand, I will try not to make much trouble if you will take me.\ \Seven dollars a week! Only think!\ cried Brie gleefully to her mother after the bargain was com- pleted and Miss Morgan gone. \Doesn*t it seem like a fortune? It'll pay Eeuben's wages and leave ever so much over! And she doesn't eat much, meat,' she says, and she' likes baked potatoes and cream and sweet baked apples better than any- thing. And there's the keeping room chamber all cleaned and ready. Doesn't it seem as .if she was sent to us, mother ?\ \Your poor father never felt like keepin boarders,\ said Mrs. Dorset. \I used to kind of fancy the idea of it, but he wasn't willin. I thought it would be company to have one in the house if they was nice folks. It does seem as if this was the Lord's will for us, her comin in so unex- pected and all.\ Two days later Miss Morgan, with a hammock, a folding canvas chair and a trunkful of light reading, arrived and took possession of her new quarters. For the first week or two she did little but rest, sleeping for hours at a time in the ham- mock, swung beneath the shadowing elms. Then, =as the color came back to her thin face and the light to her eyes, she began to walk a little, to sit with Brie in the fir grove or read, aloud to hef on the doorstep while she mended, shelled peas or picked over berries, and all life seemed to grow easier and pleasanter for the dwellers in the solitary farmhouse. The guest gave little trouble, she paid her weekly due punctually, and She steady income, small as it was, made all the difference in the world to Brie. l As the summer went by and she grew at home with her new friend she found much relief in confiding to her the perplexities of her posi- tion. \I see,\ Miss Morgan said; \it is., the winter that is the puzzle. I will engage to come back next summer, as I have this, and that will help along, but the time between now and then is the difficulty.\ \Yes replied Brie, \the win- ter is the puzzle, and Kettben's mon- ey. We have plenty of potatoes and corn and vegetables to take lis through?, and there's the pig t o kill, ahd the chickens will lay some. If only there were any way in which I could make enough for Eeuben's wages, we could manage.\ \I must fhiTilc.it oyer,\ said Miss Morgan. She pulled a long branch of the balsam fir nearer as she spoke and buried her nose in it. It. was the first week of September** and she and Brie were sitting* i n the hill grove. * \I love this smell so,\ she \said. \It is delicious. It makes me dreanC\ * Brie broke off a bough. <c l shall hang it over your bed,\ she said, \and you'll smell it all idght/' So tie fir bough hung ujpoh the wall tm it 'graduaily yellowed and the needles began tW'dro£,. • ;*^Why, they are as sweet as'eyer— sweeter!\ declared^Brie* smelling' a hakdM wMcb; she ,hau,. swegt from the floor. Tjhen ati idea came : into _vher head. y. , a ; She gathered a^great fagot of the branches and'-'-laid theM to dry in the sun oh the floor ofa little used piazza. When partly .dried, she stripped off the needle^ stuf edwith them a square cottdh bag ahd made for that a cover of sbfl sage greerr silk with an odd. shot pattern over; it. It was a piece of whft had been; her great-grand^other?s, wedding people have \given me an order al- ready; They will pay $4 apiece if you like to try.\ This suggestion, was the small wedge of the new industry. Brie lost no time in making the two pillows, grandmother's gown fortunately holding; out for their covers. Then came some pretty red silk from\ Miss Morgan, with yellow filoselle for the mottoes, and more orders. Brie worked busily that winter, for her balsam pillows had to be made in spare moments when other work permitted. The grove on the hill was her unfailing treasury of .sup- ply. The thickset twigs bent them to her will, the upper branches, seemed to her to rustle as with sat- isfaction at the aid they were giv- ing. In the spring the old trees re- newed their foliage with vigorous purpose, as if resolved not to balk her in her work. The fir grove paid Eeuben's wages that winter. Miss Morgan came back the following June, and by that time balsam pillows were estab- lished as articles of'commeree, and Brie had a munificent offer from a recently established decorative art society for a supply of the needles at $3 a pound. It was hard, dirty work to prepare such a quantity, but she did not mind. * As I have said, this was some years ago. Brie no longer lives in the old home. Her mother died the third year after Miss Morgan came to them, the farm is sold and Brie married. She lives now on a ranch in Colorado, but she has never for- gotten the fir grove, and the memo.- ry of it is a help, often in the de-. sponding moments that come at times to all lives. nJE GUM HUNTERS. Brie haol rnade the jpcs^-f^p the many balsam p£Biows> ftwasfelaeant f or avgoodby gift: to«s&|l??®u^ *Tour cushion is the: Jajy 0 my life,\ wrote Sat lady to hep aj^onth after she went home. /-$*<% 9S&; who sees it falls m low with it, ijalf a dmm people have pkM me few they epuld get one h^4 tt, an% Brie> this has given me tttt idea. Why should you not make them for sale ? I will send you tip some pret* ty silkf or the covers, and you might cross stitck^ little motto if vou How the \Veterans Operate In the Spruc6 Forests. The life of a gum picker in the Maine forests, without doubt, is the, most lonely that a man can lead. The men go into the woods in Oc- tober, and they make a study of spruce growth. They have an odd outfit, consisting generally of sev- eral poles- and knives, a pair of snowshoes, a small dog, a couple of blankets and a pair of \climbers like those used by telegraph line- men. The gum pickers travel alone and have secrets, like* gold hunters. They follow the wake of the old whirlwinds that have left long fur- rows in the wilderness, and as long as they can track the course by the gum that forms on trees wounded the previous season they follow it along. Sometimes a gum hunter- finds that his pathway has been in- tercepted by another hunter who had discovered the lead, and a new plan of campaign must be resorted to. There are many men who go into the woods to chop trees or swamp roads at $25 a month who work ev- ery Sunday in digging gum from the boughs of the spruces, and in that way they greatly increase their earnings, although they are not nearly so successful as the profes- sional digger. The - veteran 'gum hunter has made his occupation a lifg-gfudy and has reduced the work to a science. He can go up a tree like a cat and skin it bare of gum- from stump to top while the logger would be getting relidy to 'climb. The lumberman generally gets 20 to 30 pounds of gum in a winter and sells it at from 80 cents to $1.25 a pound, according to quality. A professional gum hunter can make from $3 to $8 a day when be strikes a really good gum country.' When he gets into a good place, he keeps very quiet about it until he has gathered the last lump in sight. He makes from $400 to $800 in a season, and he earns every cent of it by hard, lonely work.—Bangor (Me.) Letter in New York Sun. %E GOT THE BEST. It was at a club dinner. The guests had just taken their seats at the tables. The colored waiters, resplendent in fui dress, were bus- tling about with itching -palms. A jolly party sat down at one of the tables... The leader took his seat at the head of the table and beckoned to one of the waiters. «As the ex-' pectant darky leaned over him the clubman took slowly from his pock- et a wallet and from that a crisp, new $2 bill. With the greatest de- ( liberation he~Mded-it through the center, while the .waiter's, eye began to rpH. Laying the bill on the ta? ble, he pressed his knife along the\ crease and\ealmTy to£e the bill in two to the horror of the-Waiter and to the surprise of his own party. One half of the bill he tucked into his vest pocket. The other half he handed to the waiter, remarking la- conicaUyy^The rest after dinner— perhaps.\ There wasn?t another ta-' ble i n t&e- room that got the serv- ice that that table got, and the wait-- er. was finally rewarded with th«T Other half,of the bill.r--E?change. * \ ~. - -_• • • '•• • - LIGHTNING CAiCHIiATORS. The late George Bidder, at the age of % could ahswer almost in-; stahtly how many farthmgs there were in any sum mder'368,4:34;1^3. pounds. Zerah Colbufn Was anoth- ^er^ghthmg^aleulator; of thasajae generation. Once 3ie was asked to name tiie/sqtiare of 999,999, which r he instantly: stated to he 999>998,- 000,001. H^uttiplied this by 49 said. 1h4 pr«l|ct by %he; same num- Dei> ahdvihe ^tdtal result^ he then taultiplie,d by ?5. Het could raise the- figure 8 to the sixteenth power almost instantly and with p>rfeQt ease. He onee.instahtly named the factors of 941 aad 263 and in five iecohds-calculated^^ the cube root of IBvlilence to/tli*;,©«WKt*s»»ir. ... Ci«s?en-^MadaBtt, why do you persist in punching me with your umbrella ? Madam-^-I wsmt to make you look trouttd ao I can thank you for giving ine yau* seat: ?Iow,.,8lr l don't you go off an* say that women haven't any manners.—Chicago Herald. * WIND 0F THE S&UTVI. '- * * - t 'Wind of the south, take this message and \bear iff afar on injjr ^oinlona,- Over the old, ied -hills and the land of- the long- leayed pine. Northward hujiHreds of leagues to the snow Mug's wide dominions; Bear unto her'that I love, O wind, this message of mine I ' Whisper It int£> her ear when the errant birds, returning, Flutter about her feet and tales of the spring- time tell} Breathe her a word from <me while the sunset's, beacon is burning When, in the gathering- dusk, she waits for the twilight bell. Tell her of Austral isles and the palm tree's mag- ical glory; Ten her of-soses fair, and of seas where the white sails shine; Speak in what words you win, but simple and old, my story; • Bear unto her, O wind of the south, this mes- Bage-of mine I —William Hurd Hillyer in New Lippinoott. (^HAFFgFS WAITERS? EARNINGS. ->C*ood. Incomes From Small Pay -and Big Tips. \A waiter gets quicker returns from a thorough knowledge of his calling than any other man I know of,\ said the old gentleman who dines out. \The waiters at Delmon- ico's, Sherry's, the Waldorf-Astoria and Rector's are paid 87 cents a day, .and on this foundation they make an average of $150 a month. The .difference, of course, represents*the tips they receive, and the better o waiters they are the bigger is their monthly average. \The best waiters come from the German cantons of Switzerland. In fact, all Swiss waiters are compe- tent. Most of them are educated in the waiters' school at Geneva and obtain positions over here through ; the German agency in Sixth avenue. In June there is a great exodus of waiters to Europe, where they spend the dull summer months in the little Swiss towns with envious relatives. \All Swiss waiters speak two lan- guages— French with German or Italian. In their school they are , taught how to deal with the chef, how to serve the courses of an elab- orate dinner, how to stand, how to talk and how to do the hundred and one other things which go to make up a successful dinner. \The best waiter is the man who serves you without allowing you to feel that he is at your elbow.- There are a great many of that kind scat- tered up and down Broadway ,and Fifth avenue, and there are places for more of them.\ — New York • Mail and Express. A TEBJtlBOLE CONJUNCTION, A <f but\ soon comes to modify a pretty picture. It is a terrible word, this innocent little conjunction! Think how much annoyance and grief it ushers in to us in an aver- age year. SThe market opened well, but\— \Baby is certainly better, than she was yesterday, but still\— \No sir; your hair is not going gray that I can see, but it is thin- ning very fast.\. \I do love\ you very much-and always have loved you, but I love some one else bet- ter,\ and so on. I wonder we mor- tals have not combined to put a ban upon the wretched little monosylla- ble. Perhaps it is saved by our im- agination. We know that it is a nuisance 'and a terror to us, but yet 'there may be a background of new light to the cloud which it suddenly brings for the obliteration of our present happiness.—All the Year Bound. A WONDERFTJIi TRANSFORMATION. It is on record in medical litera- ture that iii the year 1531 a poor old man residing in Tarentum, near Naples, was the subject of a mar- velous change when at the age of nearly 90 years. His skin peeled off, and a new and soft skin supplied its place; his muscles again became strong and plump; the vrankles dis- appeared from his face ' and the white hairs from his head;- black, •curly hair grew on his head again, and hife complexion became fresh, and youthful. Sixty years later -he again became decrepit with a sec- ond old age and died after passing . his one hundred and sixtieth year. I HALF ROCK. The Kansas City Journal says -that the ham© of the postoffiee Half Bock, in Missouri, is not to be ac- counted for by any j)eeuliarTiy of the physical features, of the place, as might be supposed. It seems that one of. the first buildings erected there was a general store, the pro- prietor of which sold such, bad sug- ar that his^ customers declared it to be half rock. The term was in course of time applied to -the. store' itself and subsequently to- the post- office established at the place, A BIG HEAD. In EouSn in 1509, while workmen were engaged in digging in. ditches near the Dominican, monastery, they found a stone tomb containing a skeleton whose skull held a bushel of wheat, the shin bone reaching to the waist of -the tallest man on \the ground, iDver the tomb there was a stone slab containing the f of- lowing words in raised copper let-^ fcers,: ; /Th this tomb lies the hoblia ahd.puissant lord the 0hevalier Ei- con de Vallemot and his bones/' ^mm^m ^^i&ri Alabama's Capitals. When Alabama was a territory its capital was at St Stephens, in Wash- ingtoB county- The convention that framed the constitution under Which it was admitted into^the XJnion was held in Huntsvflle, where the first legis- lature met hi October, 1819, and the first governor was inaugurated!. Caha- ba became the seat of government in 182®. In 1825 the capital Was^removed la Tuscaloosa, and in 1846 it was again teinoved, this time to Montgomery. ;••;'?••.i »•••— —••• . iiii.iiin.irj •••>-»-!» ' —\ , .Odor of Utetals. Gold and platinum have little or ixo odorr hut thfe smell of newly <*at tin and of other metals Is very prdnoune- M. It Is suggested that uranium fur- nishes a clew to the Mors pf metals, as this is/a .very strong smelling sub- stance, and it is always giving off the so called Becqnerel rays, consisting of - streams of minute cerpus^es. Due pay's tTorfc that Brought Him Promotion. One 1 of the chapters of €reheral CShaffee's diary deals with the fight of thej Big Dry Wash in the summer of 1882, cherished by cavalrymen as one of the gallant ones of their arm of the service. About 150 White; mountain Apaches who had •token ! to the warpath were on one Bide of a canyon in the Mogollon plateau. Chaffee, a major, with a pursuing troop of .the Sixth cavalry, held the summit of a rocky hill commanding the entrance to the eanyon. The battle went on for hours. One of the scouts fell some twoscore yards from where Chaffee was 'standing. A second scout, at Chaffee's elbow, remarked that the fallen man was done for, but the major saw. that he was only wound- ed. \Come along,\ said he, \and we'll fetch him. in.\ Then he threw himself flat on the ground and crawled toward the wounded soldier. The scout fol- lowed. Slowly and painfully Chaf- fee and\his companion, in the face of a concentrated: fire from all the Indians, worked their way to the wounded man and half carried and half dragged him back within the •lines. The handful of troopers on the rock, thrilled with the deed that had been performed, forgot the task in hahd, stopped fighting and began to cheer. This made Chaffee furi- ous, and he shouted at the top of his voice: \Shut up that noise and go shott- ing !\ Thus recalled to the work of fighting Indians, the men again turned their attention to. their car- bines and, relieved in the nick of- time by two troops of the Third cavalry, slowly they fought the foe to a standstill. The Apaches, al- most to a man, were killed or cap- tured. Chaffee was brevetted a lieu- 6 ' tenant colonel for his\day's work, and in 1897 the brevelpfeecame a commission.—Kansas City Star. USING DOGS ASmrRWSFITS. The turnspit dogs, writes Alice Morse Earle' in \Stagecoach and Tavern Days,\ were little, patient- creatures whose lives were spent in, the exquisite tantalization of help- ing to. cook meat, the appetizing odors of which they sniffed for hours without so much as a taste to reward them at the end of their la- bors. The summary and inhuman mode of • teaching these turnspits their humble duties is\ described in a book of anecdotes published at Newcas- tle-on-Tyne in 1809. The dog was put into the wheel. A burning coal was placed with him. If he stopped, his legs were burned. That was alL He soon learned his lesson. It'was, hard work, for often the great piece of beef was twice the weight of the dog and took at least three hours' roasting. I am glad to know that these \hardworking turn broaches usually grew shrewd with age and learned to vanish at the approach of the cook or the ap- pearance of the wheel. At one old time tavern jin New York little brown Jesse listened daily at the kitchen doorstep while the orders were detailed to the Mtchenmaids, and he could never be found till nightfall on roast meat days!. PERPETUAL MOTION A DEIrtTSION. Arkwright, the celebrated Eng- lish'inventor, in his younger days, and even Sir Isaac\ Newton\ believed perpetual motion might be discover- ed* ' All so called perpetual motion machines that have run have been impositions, with secret clockwork or some other hidden source of pro- pulsion. Men have presumed, by the aid of levers, balls rolling on an inclin- ed plane, the wheel and axle, the Archimedean screw, the pump, the siphon, the hydrostatic beHows, the hydraulic, ram, etc., t o have discov- ered perpetual .motion. An authori- ty i|i the !stBj|y declasres: \Erom the infant machine projected in the thirteenth cehtury to the last hy-. draulic, pneumatic, weighted and) lev^r worked pretensions patented as motions, no motion whatever .has resulted from the one or the other- to the present day. Not a. solitary disboyery .is on record, not one ab- soljutely ingenious scheme project- ed or one simple self motive model aeeomplishgd.\ J BLOWN OUT BT ONE PUFF. A party of American tourists Wepsdoing Italy, and in, the course of'their peregrinations; they found themselves in a very old and -very quaint cathedral, -One ofthe prin- cipal* objects of interest there was a ijamp which, as the guide declared, had been burning incessantly for 6QJQ years: For a minute or two the sightseers gased-at. it in silence, ana then one of the number drew a d^ep breath, blew out his cheeks &wt gave a mighty puff. \Well I guess ifs out now,\ he said as he; tijmed ^OT. &e applause of his I fciendsy—San\ Frahcispp News Let-' WBATi BIULrlON MKANS. ' - So gMbly, indeed^'do'wo; use the word %illion\ that few of fas f aaise to consider the immensity of the sum. How long would it take'1;o , count a billion? A few yetfrs p'6i^. haps. • Well, yes. At thejratefof 100 a minute—a very hberal allow- ance of speed— and calling eight hours a day's work, 48,0O'0 woTud be counted a day. In a year of 300 working days the score would* he 14,400,000, and it would < require 69 1-3 years to count the full bil- Hon. ' The prophet's span pf three- score and ten, minus 6 a few montbs, would be consumed in the. simple counting of the sum that trips so lightly from the tongue these days. —Minneapolis Times. THE PLAT HE DIDN'T READ. David Belaseo, the playwright, onqe said:_\3h my early days I used tp be indefatigable in bringing plays of mine to managers: One manager I suspected of never reading any plays, so I tried a trick on him. One day I gave him a roll of blank pa- per tied with red ribbon. He re- ceived the roll politely and told me to call in two weeks. I called as he had requested, and he said he had read the play, but that unf ortuately it wouldn't do. Then I slowly un- rolled the blank paper before his eyes, held it up to him and enjoyed the comedy situation.\ <# . >• -« •neiVS sT i- ^\- r - TKe~Wafer CarniToio. ' \* -. ^ The number of carnivorouB creatnret) found in the water seems out of^all proportion to the usual order of natfire*, but tllis ls perhaps because the minute, almost invisible creatures of which the rivers and ponds are full and which are the main food of the smaller water cass nivora, live mainly oh decaying vege- table substance, which is practically] converted and condensed into micro-! scopical animals before these become! In turn the food of others. | It is as if all the trees and grass on] land were first eaten by locusts 0£| white ants\ and the locusts ands^^te ants were then eaten by semicarffiyo-; - rous cows and sheep, which were*fn; turn eaten by true carnivora. T|^ wa^-i ter weeds, both when living and^ca®\ Ing, are eaten by the entomostoaca^tlMS entomostraca are eaten by the ,ia|!VSj] of insects, the perfect insects a^efej^iiij by the fish and the fish are eafeh^fey, men, otters and birds. } <p~Thus we eat the products of the wa- ter plants at four removes in a Ssh,] while we eat that of the grass of tur- nips only in the secondary form—beei& or muttonr f * ^ *. it -* ^ * Fish That Go Forty Miles an Honz. ( Few of us have an accurate idea of j tht: rate at which fish swim. WhenvW©; say that a person is \as fast^as a por-' pojse,\ we hardly associate a quick rate of swimming with that individual,] yet he and everybody else would^Jlkel to be able to get through^ the water^asj rapidly. Porpoises have been seen to] dart round and round a steamer travel-j Ing seventeen miles an hour, thus .PK)g-[ ing their capacity to swim at a greater: rate than that. ~4 • The ofolphin may be placed on a leveJR with the porpoise, but the bonito hiam occasionally been known to approach] forty miles for short distances., \ Herrings, in shoals, move steadUy at? a rate between ten and twelve muess mackerel swim much faster, and bothj trout and salm*on go at a rapid paeel when migrating up a stream forspawn4 ing. -! Whales are not fish in the scientific; sense, but it is Interesting to note thai? these monsters swim at a rate ofjsixs teen miles an hour when exeited^aii though their ordinary speed is estimaw ed at between four and five mjles.. * M The &aestion ,Hje Asked, Sir Peter Edlin of the British, bench was noted for his courtesy to prison- ers. On one occasion an Incorrigible culprit was sentenced by him to twelve months after the mendicity offieer had given the usual evidence of bad char- acter. K \Can't I speak?\ said the prisoner. \Am I to be sentenced Without 'avinlt - 'ad a chance?\ .\Certainly you may speak,\ said the learned judge. \Say what you please. -You shall have every opportunity. I withdraw the sentence I have just passed until I hear what you have 'to urge. Take your time. Pray take your time.\ \I want to ask a question, my lord.\ \By aU means.' Put any question yon wish.\ \Look at him, my lord,\ said fee old rogue, pointing his finger at the mfen- dieity officer. \Isn't -he, an ugly heg^ gar?\ t !•• .' ] • Sir Peter laughed tu\the tears came, but he didn't reduce the sentence.. % _,;! •-'• ^ ^HOSPITAI/ MFB^ Whatever the .cost of care in the hospital for bpard> todgiag> hurs- ifigj,' 5 treatmenC'it is always in the long run less than the price pap Witen the same siege of ijlhess is iji^aged in any other way. l^xperi-. enee proves this again and agahu llTot all conditions demand hospital care. lar from it. Buti When they do, going to the hospital is cheaper, Easier, safer and more comfortable tbaa- stating at home.—-Harper's 'fcazarv---: '•-:,\''-. .. _ T&e CostlieSrti Painting. T The Duke of Marlbordugh 'is believed * to be the possessor; of the eosfiiesty .* painting in the world, which was at ~ '- one time the property^ of .the first Dji^ t* of Marlborough. The picture is k^ojsga. 'j'\ as fhe : \Blenheim j^adonna.K.pamiM 3? by Eaphajel in^507 and^ow ••va$i0mi-X:'j- no : less than £7;O,O0O. It is eigh%if«^;\*:> r : high and represents the Madonna^ #0^\' % Child seated on a throne, with t±Mgt^:^z of St^_Jol^n the Baptist on the ieftji^jki^ that of St Nicholas of ^'Sari' on^pi^^ right Its almost TEa^lous \k&e';§M^% due to tie fact that it is one of %e/- ** ©est presjerved of the artist's'^ existences _ • - -v --a * * # M- •r Bald Through pfelgfcti- •'.\.' 4 *\* The recent case of a boj who!be- came bald through fright has: Beeh <pfe : cussed by some people who do iiopM^ lieve it possible. But other cases^hifje: ocenrredi Ife Epz^i, a Paris phjsiclaa|, T once treated .^.fashionable Woman Who .*— had .been *frigllteaed ; Dy. spehamgfa*- -^. fil#ht h£a lohejjr fcountry viiia fevitd^^/^ the. attacks of her husband^t who Jfipl^r been, seized with violent. hyd«5ph^^¥y When reseue came, she dronped |raf|E?f .— lyzed, and during. the aext^few; d^ylKv ; every hair of v her head felk ©ttt.H|*|s-'\ l !x don Standard. ' •.'''•• U«swsrwre»;'.. 4 «Oh, inyf* sieea^aMea^patiehtly. \We'll be*»tt»- to niiss the Srit act We've been waiting a good many mfii- ites for that mother of mine.\ \Hours I should aa!yV*^he replied rather tartly. ••Qtos^ sht cried Joyfully, *0&* George, this is so sudden T'-Philadel- DhiaPre*k v-* - Ealciiuo Wrestling. Next to gambling the Eskimo men* * like 1x> wirestie. The usual way of ;do- - ing jMs; i§va test rather of strength^ than skfi£.i The wrestlers sit .down ojet' s the floor or in any convenient place $ Side by side aid facing in opposite di-' reetiofts; sa#, \with right elbows touch- ing; Then they lock arms, and -eaeh> rstrlvesTtd straighten out the othsrti •<#&»' '\l\\--- i \I have bflNgarupqn a little 1 ««orta~ - mn,* once said the «»* tatf Btftt.; more, : who. constantly misused. ov» t word for another* \to see a sWp lanced, ahd fke*e to liot a finer vessel WH* 'GodVyearth. You have go i£$09k WHT r <n%