{ title: 'Clayton independent. (Clayton, N.Y.) 1872-1884, April 05, 1882, Page 8, Image 8', download_links: [ { link: 'http://www.loc.gov/rss/ndnp/ndnp.xml', label: 'application/rss+xml', meta: 'News about NYS Historic Newspapers - RSS Feed', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031471/1882-04-05/ed-1/seq-8/png/', label: 'image/png', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031471/1882-04-05/ed-1/seq-8.pdf', label: 'application/pdf', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031471/1882-04-05/ed-1/seq-8/ocr.xml', label: 'application/xml', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031471/1882-04-05/ed-1/seq-8/ocr.txt', label: 'text/plain', meta: '', }, ] }
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^ o n g s for ft Ccnl. —A. Troy lawyer asked' a wownii ou the . witness stanOI her . agOj amt ahe promptly replied: “ I sold milk Tov y.ni to drink when a baby, amt I haven’t rnyphy^yet.” A i n v t o r t h e i h j r i o a , | • She eame into the hoi-so ear the other nigtifc witi. nu old man, so old lhat Jm might have lu^cii taken for her great griin<lhitlH.'r. All the seats in the vehicle fUjiied. tnit as soon ns the totter- m -Thc ilrst briga.le of lliim.is inoh i!, ‘ oetogenaiian entered, hull a dozen 19 withput a general, and the Loui.sviHi- genth'ineii jum|K’d Up and ollert'd him a Cfiurier-J(>urnal thmk3 that is sutl5cief:i to acdount for ‘^‘the sassy attitude of iJu- rope.” ~ T h c new comet is appronching the earth a t the rate of 2,000,000 miles a%lay and the Elmira fierce iV m thinks perhaps it might be well to move before the first of May. —A United States soldier eomplai through the Kew York Sun tlint Ins i tions are insofBcicnt and that be is half starved. Well, he had better be a iSiiss- issippi flood sufferer or a boslilo Sioij'- r^The report comes from Pans .that French surgeon has mortally offended the duelling world by g o ing to a recent meeting oh the field of honor witli iiotli- ing b u t a piece of court plaster in Iiis - west pocket. -~Tfaat was' a pliiloaophical darkey who sard the other day, referring to the Southern Hoods: “ God an miglity good to this country. Do white man am too lazy to manure the groiin’ and God am doing i t for ’iiu.” i*._y^ome felloi^j has brougiit out an opera glass which, \be thjnks. will an a . lohg-fclt want. It bolds a p int of whis key. “ B u t,” exclaims the Noni.stown Hm-ald man, whoevidcnbly knows where of he speaks, “ that will not “ fill'’ a long felt want!” —The Boston girls are said to ha%e begun wearing police helmet hats, ami the D e t r o i t Tribute anxiously calls on the Boston papers to warn them that if they go to imitating the Boaton police they will never eateli -^Th.e Boston Post tells of a green hand in a circus who let loose a grizzly bear one morning,, to see wliat the ani mal would do. ilo thought Ins strength. would give ottfarid he’d surely fall be fore they got the animal so fa.stcnol np that i t was safe for him to come down from the top of tlio tent pole. —A St. Louis woman was pulled out. of the river On Monday. ; She said she was wading to heaven, which was the. biggest mistake on record, as she was beaded straight for Illinois. —Boston Post. —A lecturer is telling “ How wc Hoar. ” It is easily told. Somebody tells a friend of ours, arid tells him not to tell; that’s the way wehear.— Independent. --^In China a maii who makes or sella adulterated food is imprisoned or hang ed. lu this country it is the riian who buys the adulterated food wlio has to suffer. The otkfer fellow acqime.s five inches of fat on his ribs, ami i« elected to positions of honor and trust. The Gliiriese inusfc go. Sonic of their eus- torns are subversive o f our most cherish ed inscitutions.— Texas Si/tings. : —An cditoT wrote a. headdine, “ A Horrible Blunder,” to go over a railroad Uccidont; but though it wa.s the printer’s fault that it got over the- account «f a ' wedding. The editor was the man thrashed all the same. — “ E lectricity,” ob.scives the Nori.s- town Herald, “ is a wonderful tiviug. There 13 an electric hair biush warranted to make the hair grow and ciirc headaehc, arid amelectrlc' flcslv briisli. that will euro several other ills that flesli is heir to.; ami DOW i f some fellow wHl bring out an electric ciothe.s brush that will make an old suit of clothes look and wear like new, he can .sell thousands at a dolliir apiece, or three for two dollars.” — “ A n intelligent YoiuVg man, a prom ising student, just back from. Brown university,’’ relates, the Biirlinglon llairh eyCy “ was met at the nnion depot by an elderly man, and made a grasp at the young man’s hand, and even cssajrcd to clasp him in liis arms. The young man shook'hands with the cnlhusiastic native in a non-committal sort of way,: and said in a not unfriendly tone, “ Well, indeed, my deaii fellah—i, really—-your face is rather familiar; i t seems to m e . I have met you somewhere, and yet I can’t e.x- actly place y o u .” The inan gazed at liim anti went back to his ofllco with the de- terinination to bind out his rcinainiiig sons to shoemakers and blacksmiths.” —A play bill dropped from the gallery of the Yokes theatre, Copenhagen, took fire from a gas jet in its fall, and alight ing on a lady’s head, burned off her bon net and nearly aU her hair before the flames could be. extinguisbed: It was exasperating, as it was very nice hair and cost ft heap of money. seal. tic. uccepud one O f ilic kind invi tiitioii.a, mid was abuii't io. sit down wlieii the Imxom .young woirian said: “ Hold on; Uncle Han’i, yoii woiild’nt let n lady staul, wiitild you, wild has been, shop ping nil d a j- r Then slic coolly took the vm-aiit place, ami, putting n piece of eliewing gum in h.er motiUi, began to read u (lime novel. . Another illcan .Man. tine of I he ineaiicsl, liieti- in c.NiSteiice is a pro.speious Kentucky farmer. It had long l>em his taisiom, wlieiiover he had a letter to write, to drop in at the bank where he ki'pl his account iind borrow a .sheet of pa|>cr. Having finislicd the let- ler he would a.sk the cashier to pUt rt in an cnvolopi^ and direct it for him, and then cony it to the post-olUec himself. The fretfuent vepetitidn of Ibis perform ance .seemed in itself a trifle, .small, but the (•ashier'.siiidigiiatinu can bo imagined wh(>n he Icaiued tlinl flic fariner never sfanipcO tin kUlers, , knowing that the postinn.sier, recognizing the cashicr’.s handwiitnig and the. iinnk’M, name ill the corner, would courteollsly prepay them mul send the tiill to the liank Oversleeping. When lie began his traveds in “ Tiio I.mul of the Midnight Run ” Mr. Du- Cliailiu did not know when to go to bed : and wluai to 1011 *. Tliero wa.s no night: sf:i.i.-=; V.rrc to 1)0 Seen, and the moon gave III) liglif. He, ihns describes his diffientlv Advertising. 'i’lie fiuek of the Kuiguni Falls hack liien 1.^ .- nijiiisscd by some nd veiiising ag ent y. On o n e desk lays a ]>ropositi<>n to do exactly eleven doIlar.s’ worth of .advertising for two dollar.s, and. tlie agent arld.s that it is all he eiui “ afford” to give. No doubt the advertiser ' has ii.ui'ccd to give him fifloon, (hdlars lor 111 vvork, tint rat her than accept we wit) .send ten (I''l!ai-,s to the piwerly .siiicljen agent to help him out of lii.s slraiteecfl eii-eum.«fanee.s, 'lTic> adverli.sii'ig coTnnins of a newspaper liavo a fixed value wliich iiiii.st be icalized in older to jilace I lie bn.suicss ujion a paying basis; else it is a failiiic. The beggarly suin.s offered for ‘Tori.'ign edvetfiang” often falls sho t of the expense of jiutfiiig it 111 type, noliiiiig of the valuable .space occ’ passes III rough : wdll die befoio tlic oldes! 1 the expense of jiutfiiig it 111 type, to say ling of the valuable .space occupied, when (hesame si>i-.cc given to good, ac ceptable K'ading matter would be of more value to the publisher rn actual profits. That, souirce of annoyance to both- publisher and reader, aiiveifiso- inents ot patent no.stnuns introauced by means of aa interesting article, and until recently peculiar to the states and ridi culed by the Canadian papers, comes 1111 - 3ap ndvertisi pily this paper 13 well iid (if such, and rather than do .advertising at the ridieu- lonsly low rates offered by agents or firms the retlabilily of vyhom we know little or nofliilig, and who arc the most c.Xaqtiiig willi, or next to, reading,” wc shall dis- fM’t>£r£KfP£KT AfK. S'. 188Z der the head of cheap advertising and 00 - eupying the best positions at tliat. Hup relative to position whicli imist be a dcc|) slecj l shone aii.l vvluui 1 ttly b u t tins was 110 sign of a bi((i limii, as it was only 1 sb'iit again [gain and when I I still in tlie I iVll bill awoke the s Uiiee, A,.M. awoke cveivlbiuii' lious(' I lint f took :ii)otlier iiiip; wben t aw()ke for I be ttiinl time, I fcnriui tbnt my ualclv tiad. slopped. 'rneri goino- into l.lie iie.xt J woio, I .saw l)y U h ! clock tlfcre.tliat it wasoiie'o’eloclc, Th(‘ family, laughed, for they had kept ipiii'l for fear of dt.sUiiliing me. If a (allow oniidle be iiliieed in a gun and shot at .a door, it wilt go lluough without snslaiiiing injury; and if a niii.s- ket ball be filed into the water, it will not only rel)ound, but bo .flattened; if fired tbroiigh a pane of glass, it will piake a hob’ tbe size of the bail witbout craekiitg (he glas.y. In (tic Ai tic regious wlipic tlic tlieri.uoim'ter is below zero, poisons can cou.vor.se more tlian a mile (Ustniit. Hr. .lamison a.s.serts that be beard every word of a sennoii at the dis tance of two miles. —Herr Ilo.ag,, aged .'12, g.avo an crdiibi- tlon to about f)0 doctors and reporters Tliuisday. His skin in any, pari of bi.s body,, even to tbe umoous lucmbranes in side bi.s-lips, eanffic pulled out from two to twelve inelic.s and when reieased it will resume, its natural eonditiou. He pulled bis foreiiead down and it eoiupletr- ly eovci'crt hts face. He ]>ut the skin of lii.3 client in Ilia iiumlh.. Tlie doctors proiioiiiu'CHl it .-vea.se of ‘‘dci’matoiy.sis.” The duly I'ase that at all rosenv'.ilas thi.s was report (,'d ilOO years ago by a Dr. Tliidber of Viennu. —A idilwankce physician claims to wear a jiair of .shoes made of the tanned skin of lb(j iu'gro, Ram RLeinberg, hang ed at All)nny, N. V,, .some time ago, Stcinlx'rg beforc his dcal.h. having willed, ids skin to the physician’s father, r loni('y, for deremling Inm. ppiisc with thar departmeut entirely and depend upon dried pumpkins and beans on subscription for the profits of iheeon- KxnggrriiUiou Outdone. An Americun had been bragging for some lime in a pulilie bar-room,of various marvelous feats of swimming which ho had wi(ne.ssc(l or poiformed, when an Kiiglishmau, who h.ad lisleued in silent iiicicduiity, betlioiighl himself tliat lie o’d (b'feal, or tiy to defeat, the lioustfu! ‘colonel,’ with his own weapons. Th(iofd eoiinlry. ho considered, was alilo to Iieat the now at nnyllung- even at fii)s -if her HODS tried, so he suddenly broke uji. ‘Well, yc.s, colonel,” .struck iji the Bril isher, “ those wcio big swims, 1 ndinit tliat you say you’ve seen; but I have known one that beats yours alf iHdhiw. 'I’wo years ago, I .started fiom Liverpool to New York, in one of the Cunard steaniens. There was a little commotioii nml excitement on the wharf at leaving,. and a man dived into the water, but wc took no partieular beed of it. Next moinfiig we rc.mcnibcicd it, though; for sure enough there was a man swiiimiing abreast of us at t he rate of fifteen knots an liour.” We called ou(. to him and licavod htiu The Lazio.sl; Man. i ro])C, but lie icfused all assistance. At night, of cour.so, wo lost .sight of him, bill when the sun rose there he vvns again sti iking out ns lively as possible. And so be stood l>y u.s all the way across, sometimes diving -under our keel and coming up on the other side; sometimes playing nrouiKl Hs iiko a dolphin, now on hi.s back and now oil.bis sidc.s now turii- iiig head over Itoela, wheel fashion. But nl)bu(. two Uour3 belorc we rcai’lied New York ho began to forge nlicud and .soon distanced Us altogether; and when we got alongside wc found him .slamling on tlie ()inj, die.sscd Io receive ns.” The A'aiikoc liad rycM the stranger (i.veilly du ring hi.s narration. “TImt’s a tine yam, 1 9’posc,stranger?”he.said interrogatively. “ Oil, yes, quite true; I saw it my.solf,'' was the reply. “ A'ou saw that: mini ,swim acro.s.s from lav'erpool to New York aloiig.side your steamer all (he . way?’’ “Exactly.” “Rfriingcr, did ycr know (hat man?” “ Well, nol” answered the Engli.sliman caidiously; “ I (lidii’t know him,but I saw him ncverlhelo.s.s.” ‘Rlrani- cr, I was that man.’’ fjegTO SiipevsUtintis. A wiitcr in the L(>iii.sviMe ('nurh ?)aZ gives some of (he cniTcnl .snpersti- lioiu: of Keniuci.y oegro(>.M. If a peivoiv a fuiieial pi ■\. (■-.‘iKiii he ■ dog lies on ils back and hov.Js if presag- •ally (leatli in l.lie fiimil.v. It llie loiigc .sl, snake kille(l in'it <biy's M-aieh he suspended fiom I be I hm ' mairesi a parclp. ed field it will bring rain, ff i( be iic O t • es«ary to turn back aftci' starling <111 an eriinid, file conseipient linif hiek may be averted by making a cnns in (b.e path with (ho left fore fingiM-, A sfiilfeipr may be cured by cieepi ig up lieliiiid him uiiawale.s and Knocking him down with beef tongue Just lakoii from, ttie l>cast l)y an iiiimanicd l>ub'li(-i iiiideri Iwenl.y-onc. A tiloofly knife, a botitivof. Irag of live liza.rd.s effective outfit for bcwilohiiig an enemy; but the iiitemlod vielim i.s often w.arned of tlie dange.i by .tni owl’.s .tcicech clo.so to hi.s cabin, 'i’he recipiciil of a poi.soii- oiis Riinke's b iledrinks a pint of whiskey, and (lien, if .solict cnmigli, k.ills (lie first blac:k chicken witli while tail fcalhcrs he can find, jiiclcs the feathers out ami burns (hem. lo e .Teffer.son's Ti iok.s. Mis.s Cllara Mm ris, in a leKeito a fr end ill Wnshinglon, gives this lively rnubiis- cenee of two w<>li-known ne.lors: —-''V “They were boys then;onc (all, blimd(>, and lazy, tlio other shoit, dark ami lic it was Runday night; e.yery o n e had geipe to the Quakermeet iiig-lioiiM! a fmy dciiH^lftbove. They were alone, will,out cards, or eheekers, or books, but Ratan came to their re.sein'. .\ eeit.ain piopo.s- al was drawled liy the long ctiiip, and eagerly ‘jcceptcd by the sliorl one. Tlipv then put on their hats and coiils, ar ivcd liicni-selves with a broom, a jiiiil of watel and a dipper, and went forlli into live still, bitter eold of tbe niglil, and work ed diligently. They swept a broiid path over Ifie .slop ing sidewalk, qiiifc fiec fiom faiow, over Ibis they poured a (tipper of water, llien' wailcil. Ill a few m.nncnis it liad fioz cii; ttioH another dippei of yvaler, and anotlier w-.ait until the jiatb was glai like in its icy siiKmtliiK'ss. A wlit.sk the broom .sent a light eovciiiig (if siiovv it, the work was done, and tbe god less latioier.s, gathering up their lools, ouged (hein-selves down on (lis door- step !iii(1 conversed pleus.antly. 1’ie.senlly till! doors of the meeting house openc.'l, and two lines of fiiemls— one made of male.s, find the oilier leinales —e.nmc out. Tlie.se li.n('.-’. coming doiui the slejis seper^lely, met. and mine'.cil in crowd oii the (laveinenl fee ;i few ni\- mciils, then biok(- iiilo twos ••ind lhree.«, am! ceme giavely down lli.'’ ■iidewalk. Ruddenty the .sliilness of ,1 he night as broken hy a wliaek! wlnieU! ami ;wo piioils tluvt wcu! as one. A female fiieiul flew to the le.seus - whack! the wlioh’ imgiegation, filled with wimder, (‘anie inbliiig down-to the kcciic of disastei whack! wiiacki gioans end sm)ils;‘Uj(Cs‘ and Thous’ filled lhnai!,and wi.th ehecks .sl.ained^with tears of liingliier, tii'-y sir he -^lep and ‘took •! in.’ tliofe lonv.*^ Bereil siiic(> so well known to tlie world .losepli .Irll'cison ainl .iolll) i'itt'-li i . ” A (UeVci* Caiiliiro. . Last tvcck, WctTlicsdhy, infuimnlion >vns I'cccivcd licrci that iti iislds crowd of forgers ijad rcaclicit Ciiiciigi>,.nii(l would, Ucghi opomtloiis licic afc o n ce, All the Clncago.bniiks w.cto duly advised, .and II 10 cUmcBt srii vciUimcc wits ,instittit(!(1 upon such resorts ns were Hkcty to tic : frc»iu(iid(’d by tlio forger.'i. Noltiiiig was learned . iinlil Inst Biittirdny nrteniooti, vylicn Billy ri/rkeiio!i, slamlitig in the Till! Iiiaive \y()ii(lnrfiij.ii«wlldi|(! 1.^ ne Us •iniiili! . . . sttf-iff:ilt!: t toil laclie,; llimiitl. II- _ l'■r^lzl>•l■'l< Ihiel. ISlitorB nr(> nol nilrtitii sliiiji wlil>- I((!.V ti«vei)iir(!..iirif, are j)|,ri(;(.Iy iiieiUniil In every pli'Diig. lii'at llif l.!il)i{*. Imllil ;H|i llns iipivep iiiiil ‘1II? I to .Abmilnxr.. Ifcvpi' ntiil Aiftin. have seen in New York in oimbncric with th e well-known Biqekwny. Divin- ing at bneo Ih it lip inight b(i 0110 of the gang, he called an a-ssisslniit on diiiy in the liolct.niul iii.sliiicti’d him lo shmlm I ’rcslbu lo tlie eudn of the e!irl:li, operaliyc fpllmved young' l ’i:esloii Iho ci.ly, suAV hull in ui, and g Neuralgia, S ciatiaa, Lumbagaf Backache, Sereoess o f iho Ohesi, Boat, Q u m y , S o to Thraaf/Swofl- fugs and Spram s, Burns and Scalds, General Bodily Pains, Tooth, Ear and Bead a che, Frosted Feet grid Ears, and all o ther Pdiris and Achos, (tllim on- eiiTtli eqieilB S t , i T acoiii .;- On.. about coiiycraalibii with .sislaiits' (p niindmy tlicpc. 111 tijia iviiy, the ngeivcy was kept T; advised of tho iriovemeiil.s o f' cadi of fmtr men whom they knew I .0 be membcr.s of t he Bni.sh gang. The foigci.s wpie traced ibrpfigh ncycral small fotgciica, all eoiiduclcd on the a.ame. plim. Ail of tlio men were (if good, Imsinc.s.s-Hkc np- 1 loadil Iho nicrdianl.s of the. city. One of them wiili’rlii/,* htim #>r fr<*|.4il Ki»i7.i>i:V Uifoi niUci'finro itc Ur, VrAy,\pv:J linvo nWl Mvo 1>4H! pp or vtViir (lifln (tiO tif'clfviH mtd fOi I f/vpt itprtt, isri.S nslrti ever I ('1(1. I ('\ii.'liler .y.oar iiiDiltcItin oi.ie o f Itic woitldgo to a licu.'o, liny foi cash a smalt t)itl of good.o, im, for eximfjilo, a naqkngo of lard, take tlvp same goods to DtrMlInnii in Kteven I.,nn(tiipirM). Mntthnnrr, Mil., BOUNDED POPULAUITY OF Alloock’s Porous Pkstersl Bct'jiu.-u! th e y liavo jirovcd llicm - solvcs t l ie .l»o.st. E x t o r t ) a l , Ilom o ily . e v o r itivoniu'l. 'I'iw y w ill oitrc astlu n a , colds, cbiioli.s, aliounm tisin n o u ralg ia, am i any’ loctU jiaiiis; A jrjd k ’d to llio ftiimll o f t h e bac1< tl l O j ' f n f V i l l j l i l o III Hiick A.cbu, D e b ility , aiu l all . K idniiy ti’onlrlcf); tp tlio p i t o f t.hb fitmuaoli tlioy aro a su re cu r e l o r .Dyspopsiit am i L i v e r (Jontjrlaiiil. A L ffC ()C !R \S l ’f)R ( )lT S I’.L/VS- T E fvB arc ■paiiil('.=p, (Vu^ranl, am i tpiiek lo c iiro . Iicw n ro tif im iiafions j IB v I. b liatur aitd burii. G e t A LL- d C ) n C l5 , tin* oiily G inm iiio I’or-' OM» Pbi.l 3 !-r. ‘ imothcr house and syll llicm, iccdving ill p.-iyment a chock. 'I’his cheek wii.s then hfinded over to flic, gang’s for dm pllention. It told, of (•.(iiir.se, (he hank where tlie firm did husiijiess, m id could always be kept for a imvdci. Of course, only houses witli good hank accouiils were chosen to lie wiirked in tliis W.ay. Following Old this pJau tlio gang c laiiicd the signidmcs of a considerable number of lirms, and pre,sumab1y lo test tljeir jijyitiral woikiug capability, jiassed neverid clmeks liu'siiiall-iimoiinfs Ihroiigh the banks. 'fluv I'mknrloii.s allowed -Uiem to proceed, under dilcction of their chlefj wlinsc plan wn.s to let the Whole game go on until eacti of the seven imm trad hcon actiiatly delected at work. Biliy Pinkerton kept liiiu.se.lf and. Uio bc-Sl kno Wii of hi.s'opcrativc.s o u t of .Siglit lest tlio forgers wonld “ get on’’ to the fad that Uu’,v u'cre watdiod, niul lints L H IM B U T j; •Of essre riitS'e fo -r StpreiiMSi, m e r n s r . :^ % 1 U i c e r n ,, / w a r r a n t e p w C f r t l i s , ! TO OiVE IfY a z rt feA X lS F A C T lO N jfe?4 i5 r C o r s t r i i ^ . j M t S o i l S , S f m i n r mieU, e t t i 'BM trVHnchis.es,: -it i t s riiicH m i t U t h e h n t i d f^ Kol'I by ftU SrJifjKiil;:. I’rloe 2.y nml fia/r jiDr IxvtUo Warlviiigiiieii. Befole _\t)ii I)egi lidlick of illifil you for ill save lime, in yoilr licavv .'.print; Ilff reliixiilliixiilion ion woi 1; idler a winter o re ypiu syslem needs cleansing and slreiigllieidng lo prevent, an atlaek of .Ague, tUfioii work. Yon idd gre ig Fever, or Some oilier Spring sick- Hial will iiiifil you for ir senson’.i L an greiif expe holt le of 1 fop I this moiilh. Ilo7rIei/e. niieli sieU- v.ill Biilers III yoiir (am Hon’l wail. ISm'liiKjhiii iW i i j l l s , Colil.SiLftMffb \ ' <kM?gh, A Ana of Inn* Lu«y .i«;ccfi(Hj3. j j Irritations of Thtortl, Chest, niul Lmigs.- For sate by nil .tlieilrrs in lUediehiori. A Good Hou.scwire. , wli ‘211 .=lie l g remiv JIaiii' yi-ai.s ago,.says R. R. t’o.x, 1 was me of a irarly in Washington (hly, wliilc MBS. IYD1& L PIHKBAM, OF LYHH, MASS. L - x , ; LYDIA E. PINKHAWS ’VSG'ETAELB OOMPOTOD. 18 S P ositive Care — — it form<)f FctnnloCom-. notion mid nrorn Itvrfll.care crttlrfly the-worst fi ptalnis, nit ovnrlon tronWcs.lnanm tloiiK Falllnir »ml rilsiUncompiit.\ • \ •wilX dliraolro i»nd vnyel tamors from tho titcm:) In «rlr staROof doTTlpjimcnt.- T 1)0 loniloin-y to cr - w ls chfcUed Toryspccdily hy Its a <«Tt>as hnmor»(tifroi 1 » xemorvB fi»fntMi).-«, At ferirUnmIsnts. »ad relle H cores Dlbstlnp, Ileadi QaBorat DeWlllj, Slecj' levcswpokiiBS-S jdllyliylti oysidl err of tlicRtomac us Crwlriitlc fe^JJnsr of hforlnsdown.cmiRlng i'>nin.w.-fehl slittclic, ts alwnyB permanently cured hy Us use. lintall ttmcsnnd under nit elrcumslahecsnet In kndbaclit baemony with flic laws tli Fortho cureot Kidney Coniplnlnta of <>i Ooi»l)ound is mrnirpossed. South and North vied witli each other.in convival life. Anblhcr of the jiarty. was GtMicnd Daw.'-oii, member from Westcin Pennsylvania, whose homo stead was A1- be.it Gallatin’s home . . He Was an adini- ablc story teller. ■ J recall spmewliat .sadly, now that he' ia gone, how. wi'U lie Uliistraled the laz.i- ncss of a class of Virginians. The .story a part of his (,'ongres.sionai canvass ing. Oil one, occa.siofi he got ncio.ss the Pcnn.sylvania lino into a little village of Virginia. Ho was i;n Ihq midst of a group around tlic tavern. ' While treating and talking, a proce.ssiou approached, whicli looked like Ji Cnncful. He askoil wiio was lo be buried? Mill) Oovvling,” sanl tliey. 'Foor .foil I” siglicd tlie gener.nl. He s a good nainred, good for nothing, I.rz.y fellow, liv'n’ig on Hie few fish lu; caught and the Kipnuels he killed, but mostly on the donations of Ids neigtibor.s. ‘•Ro pour .tut) is dead, is tic?” ‘No, he ain't deuiV, ’zactlv,.” said they. ‘Not ch'ad—not d —. Yet you arc going to bury him?’’ ■ . el is, generaV, he has gOL loo iofer nal, nil (ired, lazy to live. We can’t af ford him any iiioic. He's got so laZy that the grass began to grow over hi.s shoe.s—so eveila.stin’ lazy that he ]uitout of hi.s eyes to save the trouble of winkin’ wlien Old guunin’,” •But,'’ .says the general, “ tlii.s mu.sl not Im. It will, disgrace, my neiglihoi- hood. Try him a while longer, can’t “ I'an'l ; (oo late--codiii cost, if 1.2.'). Mu.sf go on now. About this time the procession came up and halted, when the general propos ed. if they .would let Job out he would send over a. bag of corn. On this an- nouneement the lids of th(;> collin opened, and Job languidly .sat up: the cents drop ped from Ins eyes n,s he asked; ‘ffs tlic com sliGllcd, genernl?'’ “ No, not .shelled.” “Then,” said Job, as he lir/.ily l.ay (town, “go on W'ilh the funcntl!” ptopftrtSd atsas ftnd Price; >r w tut^ above. j V o *^***”^ Paper. tl tiTwithontLYI>uV riNKHAM’E Uouunoa^ Uofatntty plionlt* tia without LYJDIA PINK 3 ! UTEtt PfUA Tlipy cure ootiiiHpMlon, hmoi —The fishermen on llie American .side of the Iake.s and the St. Lawrence have addressed a memorial to Coiigres.s asking for protection against Oaniuliau fisher who they allege, are in pos.scssion of{ lieges they llicm.sclye3 do not enjoy, and arc thus enabled to cut them out in the Aniencati markets. The Largest Care on Eartli. GrfiyRon Aitvocato. Tlic great c.ave Intelj' discovered hole has been visited by a mnllitudG of people from vnriou.s.parts of the United States. Wc think that Leitchficld is destined to become the great “ lifccca” of the woild —for llie Alnsonic fiideinily, and .3cicn- lists generally. For the la.sl two weeks no one has been admitted to the cave except upon iicsenting a written permit from Jili. Roger.R, and lliosn who have been fortu nate enough lo obtain admission have been priucipnlly scientists from .abroad, who journeyed here lo sec the great won der for themselves. It was ncccasaiy to take tlii.3 step, ix.3 tlie c.avo was Tapidlj' tieing de.apoilcd of it.s contents. Indeed .several of it.s imiminics and some,' of lire amnllef Masonie ctnhlom's were carried off before j\Ir. llpgcrs—or, in fact, any of citizens—realized llie importanco of the (li.seovcry, and of pre.snrving the con tents of the cave intaet. The snbterran- (inii river lin.s Iieea .so swollen from the- excc.s.sivc vain.s of last month ttinl no es- plonitions have bcou lu.'ide iii the .avo- mies beyond if. Excav.ation.s have, iieen made, however in the chainbeia or cata combs where the nuiiuinies and Masonic cmlileins were found, and in the vicinify* of the pyramid, and several lableis with hieroglypliics have been dug up, al.so some bronze and copper vase.s,and pieces of pottery. A mound was opened .and found to contain si.x wcO-pre.served imnn- inies reposing ill tegular order with feet radiaUiig from the centre. fu the discovery of this cave the key is undoiilitcdiy found lhat will unloek the mystery of the. pro-historic race of Amer ica, and also prove their identity with the aiioient Egyptian race, wlio uiulonbt- edly crossed oviir and peopled this conti nent, built temples, and fiouii.shed in a liigb degree of eivjli.zation until wiiied out of existence by the ruthless hands of the savage. The caves of Kentucky un doubtedly afforded them .shelternnd pro tection, and wore used aa a .sort of cata comb for the stenago of all that wa.s near and dear to them, including their illus- trous dc.adT Such at least seems lo have been the case in this instance, whether' tins theory will apply to the otlior caves of Kentucky or not. Many hcautiful formations Iiaye been di.soovorcd during the last week. The stahielrtes and stalagmites glisten like so many million diamoml.s. 1’lic piliar.s .and columns of alabaster ate beautiful beyond descriptions, and its wmnders will bnve to be seen to be fully appreciated. novating,slid u ihnmtesof J'lie gurxl liotisewife, ing her hoirsc its spring re Lear in iniiid (hat the dci 10II.3C arc inoio previous tlian nuuiy loiise.s, and tluit tlieir syslems need cleansing iiy jiurifying tlio tiloe lal.ing the stomach and bowels t( and eure the diseases arising fiom spriyg^ iiialaria and ini-isiua, ami .sbc will that th e n 'is notliiug Uwil will iio .it so •fe.e.tly ami .eurcly as Hop Bitters, (lie imre.it'inid best of ineiheiiies. (’'«( A' 7/. Patriot. fiSTAmjsnt'iR m i, A Long Riioozr'. lUp Viin Winkle Riept, a good while, it. had iii3 plccp oi'curied iihont •'lO year- ago, when Downs’ Klixtr tirs't ivlIiitnTil Its reputation, on awiikiiuj he a mild liavi .................. d ”1' 'b” i t I i ed a turn I Klixir tiri-'t ■nkiii.'j he a been ilhie f.o reeogniz.i' tlii-i fViei ntllieteil, and iiiiglit. have taken twenty years nan. and waked op IHiwnrt’ Elix'r at the end <(f hall n centu ry the inOHt popular and' the best, (’ralgh. Heinedy kn-'wn. AI.si) liaxtoi H nitierp for liilii)\i.') lU.seiiH!-\ iii.l so iilil. t.of e;ood. ( alwavH ki-i p your inedii'itie.s in .stock Down’s Klixir rHselliug beiler than i'u.v Ooogb nirdicino 1 have, ni.iil wilt) goo I lim. (!. -M. R mitii , drog^ist, Ui.ifTo- Mi(di. ■ r. Itnxfc'i’s .Maiiiiriike liitfeiR give tint best Riitisraerioii ()f i(iiV iin-dicim- 1 sclb riiev have, lulvni) I'd (beniRi'lver, .rn't t wiiriant. every bottle. N. Dr.I\TTi I'l , gisr, Mich. Henry A Jobnsoij’.i Aruiea jtKowflm ui«? inaiKci: man any omer ariiuie 6f the kind. Arri Rlwaya stirb and fcHahlb, •and never /ail to it)sure the brist rc.suU» in ^ k c r y . Ask your crocer for it and fliye it A trial. SaHsfacliott guatanlced or aepay; , 8 o ia byl?. L. Ilrtllj^^^^ N. Y. f/iniiiicnt, for exiermiriise i ami dii a.s good. On Tbii ly Days'Tl inl. Wc will semi, Di. Dye’s ('l■leI)rale(] Electro-Voltaic Belts ami other er'»eliie appliances on trial for I bil ly d.sys to young men and obler pen iifllicied with nervous debil ity, etc., gnarnnleeing spec . (•oinplcle vealornlion of vigor nml man. hood. Al.so for i beumnrism,.neuralgia, paialysis, liver and kidney dilli.enltie.s, ruptures and' many other di.s(\s,ses. THu-s- linled panvpb.lel. sent free. Address \ ot- taie Bell (!o., ?.laisball. Mich. 51yl ‘•MIB BUSY rA r E R IN AMElUnA - - - . and *,- ■ THE BEST BOOK IN ITIIE IVOUI.D. THE BljBllNT 8 08 WWKEYE 'V . ' A N D ^ .' : 'Bise .lalliOf till) IistadiB . , IlyUOBEin’J.lVUiHLET'E ' T H E H A W K E Y E IVIAM. Tho rritall,price of Itio H awkkyi ! ig § 2.00 X year, cagh In adviinec, ivud U(i« price li« spoil the gniiie. U[i to yeMruday nmrn- iug fom only <)F l-hc giing Imd bcoii seen iitvviu'k. 'l’h(^nidic!ttioii.s at the time, however, RceniPi-l lo Alhiit I’inktulou to |)oinl lo the conclii.siim lin t llie forgers had id'out c.()iie1ude(! op(;riitiuns, and wore ready lo (•oiiiiiiciieo sei toits work with heavy cheelvs. He Ihercforc con chulcd l.<> betdii niiditiig in rest,s witliont ’delay and lakechaivccs on tlic remaining t hree incii who Iriid •ii()t yct (;<>iiic to light.. itiS‘deL'iniinatlon wiis hnsfeiKid in :in (iGcidciila) manner. . Yeslciday noon Billy Fiiikcrloii sal in private.conreiciico with the fta-sliiei; of the Union NatioUiil Bank. The. delec- (ivo w.as nxpliuniiig to tli'e man (if im.iiicy^ that thegieat finmiciar concem wjlhin whoffc walks they were .sealed wiisthieat- cried wilh conapiiacy. He v. :is of opinion that l.tie. Uiiion Niitibnal mid Uio Oofii I'j.XGhangc banks windd l.ic cimsen 'Mi Uui special ni.nrk.s for tb'\'' opetalioii of II great gang (if fmgcr.s. 'T h e (’.lo.seSt, SCnitiUy wonfd be neecsrairy to pnweni. the. Cl iiitiiuds from imiking a .success of ..their .schciui'.. .Giving sncIi Daiting ili- r(’ctioi!.s as he jlioiiglil nece.ssaiy, I’iiik- , ^erlon was iilioiit to leave the bank, wh.’ii n gt'idieiiiaii'y,: iiii'ldlestgcd. iiian stepped to. tlic payin'; teller's window, and pn;-' scidcd a cliee.k bc.-irrig llie .'•.ij>nnl.uic. of a wel|.|vMi)Wu .firm, for the mnouiil o.( i5'l,S0. Tbe paying Ivliei was o u t at lUiicli lijid theC a s b ier .‘Icppcd: foiwiird to art 111 hi.s place. Tile genlleioaii ivilb flu: Hii'ck was n stranger to klHi (kisiiinr, luit tiio sigiialurc i)ii the elicek wn.r par- fcclly. fau.iliar, amt was tiiidoiihledly genuine. .Moreover, Hic etieck .wn.s in tlw hands of a mmi ■v. |io;;e iijipeaninec IS in il.scff a sidtieir-iii .>/uai‘aii(y, of iii- legrily. ’rim I'nsbier ca-slied llie check ILiiiiig the enact inn'll of (his apparent ly Fiiiipl.c Ivininess tii'.n.siieUoii,; M-iU Plnkeilon, licnlenaiil oMJic deparlnirnh was (Uitaido the doors of (lie bank, “ pip ing’’ the nidraiicc of tlm forgeis. it was known lluit soliu! of. llui gaiig w.ern rea- .smiably .sure to slimr up al the Union Niilroiiai 111 (hat Uinc. The lieutoiuiiit accordingly .s((U)d icafiytd (iiie.si; t.lmni. !.A5iiUuU-.,a.Yejy-J(JW.. iiiiuiitcs after the llaMiief find fcffnriTqd from oastdng (he .?48(1 check, Llciit, Matt mslicd into that ofiJcliil’fl Oftico nn.l .surprised hot.li of (he genllcincii ihere Fcutcd with the e.xcitcd c.vcinmiih‘on: “Tlinl was oiig of (lur men I” As .»()on as iSHly could lee.over liis brcnlti Iro employed )!. (o i ll.oi (lie com-' maiul : “ Well, nrro.sf tilm, Mini I” Liciit. Mint lost no time lit leliifiiiug' to llic.'3lr(>e|.. Jfeovorlook llui welfdie.ss- qd gcntbmuin within tlm .spacoof a ljlocki and aiTcsled him. The seijiiel In Urn aiTest lolhuvod fas; D t e y T T S DiSPaiSftRY. •. Ejtitillsiicd 1SJ7 at 13 M. 8tli Btmt, ST. liOSlS^' UO, . _' i i S S l i S I P A hniulfoim* tHtbj iiajni'litt'l, libm ftiul pdd eov-cr, with iiiiiaciiiiig (•(igrnilngg will ' GIVJ'IN AWAY fni:iarliig, 0 (un|iai»j:,',i.r tr « tll. lie'Feiilby n>.iilL .poiif. pabt, to any |•lUKon IhLig a t a (liginncA , 'flic Siler laiiiifacliilii Co. O illeo, 31 tiiilffii f5<jni»Tc ^EfiETAaiK E t i l t R , Is a sure vine (dr CktUgles, t.'oldR, | YVhooji.iiig-Cougb, amt all IJiOg 1 DisenReg, xvlicH hikni in sc.aRhif; j .t’cople die o f eoiiRnniplion Rinipv| ly bccarifte of tieglcel, lybco tlic liinoljr tiRc o f lliis ieniCdy would linyc Ciirigl Uicin al onre. I JF .ifetf-o tte tfcat-h of con-] Slant iise proves tlie fael that rio j coiigii leincdy Ims stood the lest] like J v i ' f t r f T r ] .. Price:ir,n..r,(i..- ,,u>I.St.i)().i«.rl)i.!Uo. . . | kfir SlIi! ■ f. j Dr. Baxter's Manch-ak():| Will core. Jaundice, ITjRpcpsin, ft Liver Coniplaiiilff, IiidigitelioMi H :nhd: aH discar-eg nrj.sing from lUl-.S ii|QK«r>'<fi,>?iM4VKiTN*s , A K N I O A . A M j > o i l • 'Jfr'f/r a i t tJ i The nuWl .j:\.-rU-<-(. li.itimciit . ever & .conipoiifutV'il.. I’rice 15 c. niul isoOi B KyiT-vnUrTf*. • ■ A vIoUiii r>f yonnifti) tim>nu 1 rli»v* GntiPiiiK I'mna- htvn Nrrvoiia iV’hlJIty, 1/ml , . I Tr» lilily, bist vital- ii'cdy ndief and lit) TclnlB price of the liook mil a ben t more < r less. Any Is es;00 A r e a s y m p t o m o f jaiin tllffe^ D y s p e p s i a , C o n s t i p a t i o n , B i l io u s n e s s , a n d L i v e r C o m p l a i n t , ( D O . B A K T E R W H O f l A K E iB i T T E R S (w ill c u r e l l i c d i s e a s e a n d r c - I m o v e y e l l o w n e s s fro m s l d n [ a n d e y e s . W a r r a n t e d t o c u r e . ' Sold everywhere a t 2 5 cts. per bottle. asm” .|n^plu9 ielurnod to 1dm by Uie; ricarisst tele- ■ ■ iUXT, for.llic (larpago of encfutragiiig •THE IllSIKG UKNril ATMHS, ) tWrii.aiingoineot linvo <lc,cidc(U.(M>rr(ir T m ^ l lA W K L V ^ M YIOAH I —^AND^ ■ oi*’ ^ I l E B 0 O.I y rpoiimbcggw Tvvm poLLAua. t C t HETIAWKEYE UOAtUANY, - ?>: ' ‘ BoriinglOib Iowa. Sftinplb copies o f Ihb.-ri^^ r . ^ A JliisUiIiri Coi’i ccIctl. Tlift oldidcft t!midftrigcfDU.H tiiiliunnary a»NtftsC».e.oilldTiot tic oiireil by niedioino ( f m i t t f e M n S y ‘K tiiir/r/ trihnipidsriiiniph’s whenhen nill otherther luoili- t w ni o orilty of.hfcntriiHg, ntid fully j-csiomig . - » lubUtcd sufferer. atliil .nu Nil'll tenllv .. . .......... . The ])ri.sonei: gave the uaine (if Wtlliain v'fuv ' r... .Lawrem-c. He Iiad In’cn seen by Mftl.t to lake ilm $laoLbci k from tlm hiuiils (if G!uir!e.y Pie.'dni) tlm umiii w hom 11 had spotted Inst RaliiKlny .ill tlib I’hil House. I’re.Rtoii was neee.s.gaiily 111 tlio, luair vieiiuty, and was iirrc.sted iiumi.<llh atclv nflcrwani. Both men were l.rtken to a room al '571 Widnmh avenue, whicli was one of (lie ioe:iliUe.s the detectives l.iad spotted. Ibric .Luik Bm.sli was fiuind surrmimiril tiy .dt llie implcinciils of Ids imfiiriou.? tnide, chreks, gomiiiiR' and forgci!, “ queoi” inks, piipe.r, iiiul e I mo .I. s lif ff.i,'(.nii-v . liiv iilioil |d icb lTi {iloftlAid!i;. 'JLe fomii was joTiiL ^ \ 'iS l J A y f n ^ ly occupied hy (Uiotlmr lulist, who wn.s prbmpUy focognized ns John Morton, alias .1 nek Miller, a nolorioiis J’hlladel- phia e.r!ie.k.sniiiti, reecnily (•onveited to tlm genlvid hushu.'ss of forgery. The. quaitcMe wn.s (al;ei)o in charge and lodged Hi scpcrnl') rooms. It wa.s e.x- pecled lluit part if not all of Ibo rest of tlm gang woiib! ho bskeii before nuu'ij- The looiii at il7i Wivbaoh avcniic wn.s ladqihuters foir lhc gang, arid criutaiiied evidence.s of |lm magnitude of their selu'nm. Its 'desk-s W(ii.-(i e,(jvcrcd with cheeks imarllig llie forged names of innuy of Ihe leading firms in the pity. IfiaxweU llro.s., of the the ntock-yards, would have RUffci'cid lo llio titno of $10- 000; and Ihe Union Nntioiml, Illinois Bitliional, Norlinveslerir Kalimuil, Mcr- !i* chanls’ NaUoiiiii, Nalionaf 'I’niders’ and Ig oth(!i‘ banks would have Buffered to-day to U 10 miioHivfc o f $i(>,00i) to l i g i f l i i i i s jMlir.jrfg, ii-* l»» n»t>l H !f‘ riov . iM(VfI\iI (•'> !»• III.’ in,.';). i.-ill-iiKil iiiwini J'.'t .rtli? i s a K t e ? \ ' [>* iV//e»'.Scri f(’• r .Itonei'InfU’e JTatnpli- d.irfs fflrtui, XIMt.ffVrrMiMii n Hood! '*T.sdm.-i[(«!,». txMrJui'fU eoMClimria a/-..rV-cfr f7.e.o'»o mtOieB X « » P ')«ei'eeo/;>'«'frtf. .“Void OW f.»‘ Uj/ HARRIS =RECdE»y c o . .Mrc. tiiiEMtsrs. Markcl anil ttlli BP- G t .. Louts, Mp. ------ rooolvod f.rom rn i r p i i B x w i A . f S M S i i S ' « , » ■ a tiaiii'!. CUuiATUf iMraornm .. Jn tlrilly llR'U 111 Ifr.Htxi fiAVE fiEKPJ I1V1ITATE0, t-b<'!r oxco]l(;)iifc.joi)iilri(i(>ri.iii- iiuirtirj.vt'/prUilouujiiillAkinjm T h o Un’ujfo lU'fj ciuiiiioiuvl. p,gniHn5> JmA- big L’Lifitori! hnviifiy.'Bitni.lne .O' iui . h L .'qv Mouicf!. .guo tiliU. (ho AVMtiL 'i .A P C’T N -E jir^rin’roqU j oJ?cltori. SBiksan’s .Capnine i Porous PiastefS •\ro tliG cully iinprovcliitiiik oyer . .loiUo i'll IM astors. Quo, ifi w o rf li inorcj Uuin ttiloueii »r n:iiy otkoi';ktM ^ AViil jmxlHvol.y c tiro xvlicvo ol b e r ■ )))/:;1:c£i ■(snll iiofcovcn J'clioxto. T rico 25 cjcritlru : r( < }■ olronp .Ulopkoci iidido Vp: : 1 .ii(k poiPpiIR. oEAnURY A dpilRL'O.rL - oiir Nt‘,r . 1 h e ; T M L Y p E R g g O T : •XHB I,iaU :l’-BUHHIN(i I I W - H O M E ir .tsirt'-i'Rd s m m m m The iticdieiaea of DoNOAftlVoK&Od. ftrft unexcelled lor elegiumo, inirity, niul iefin*. liifily. Their ReidliUno holdlite I’owcteia, are aa islt'n'vvufc aa Lrinouii(to. 'j.iuiir bolt Catisuloa nfo World fiuiious. Geo Advt. Tor sale by li'. L- It ALL. Rapldly stiporcotling JaU pthor* , wltorovori introcrti^ t>rprioiin(Cocriiy iui nrhiy o f h«p|jy Iriercltiirioro to Do llvo BEST. nrijo'lJEW TlrP S |ipplest, Eastost Rurin Mosi: Rqltablo, cm<l tVIost Dtimblo Sowing'M pchlno . evor jnvoritodi it oirorifttoO Quickly, Quteliy. artti without fatigub to the (p|>bpatoP. /’ullihfQi'mhtloiii DioscrlptlvoCat- aioguoOf &c.. Tree on appMcntlon. JO im s O N i O M K K & CO, 50 Unfort Square, W,Y.' ' And JMassk ' ' ■ soi.o OY A. D^ q U i m S f Tbicc Ame llny^ V /JP, LPri’^ V n l e t i owri. • PMigaiwa ai.L..i(iri-'i. Ip a s i s f S i p i
