{ title: 'Mohawk Valley register. (Fort Plain [N.Y.]) 1854-1866, May 04, 1854, Page 1, Image 1', download_links: [ { link: 'http://www.loc.gov/rss/ndnp/ndnp.xml', label: 'application/rss+xml', meta: 'News about NYS Historic Newspapers - RSS Feed', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031044/1854-05-04/ed-1/seq-1/png/', label: 'image/png', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031044/1854-05-04/ed-1/seq-1.pdf', label: 'application/pdf', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031044/1854-05-04/ed-1/seq-1/ocr.xml', label: 'application/xml', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031044/1854-05-04/ed-1/seq-1/ocr.txt', label: 'text/plain', meta: '', }, ] }
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i m r i i i i n i i i ^ ^ l 1 1 o B a t o k l a i l e B VOLUME I. EOET PLAIN, THUESDAY, MAY 4 , 1854 . NUMBEE 8 . PuTjUaliers and Proprietors, M Silent n« gnow-iiai^i< yet potent as Tlmndcr.’’—Cliapln. Inya^’ii >jDi4Ait js?jasi.¥®9^ iably in ^AT*nee* f ,«t's p i i x i B r b T E H iaa s t u b e t h ic s o f i t . Saj'K Oai>tain Robb to Farmer Cobb, “ Your farm is very fine, f-ir; “ Pray how can it be tliirr. eays Cobb, “ I’m sure I never sold i t ; ’Twas left me by my fathei-, sir— /only ought to liold it.” Jrt MUf JliitlU' Jt uiuu;,^cwiJiu Uiij ” Iliit have yon not already got More land tliau you can till, s i t . M re rodvt than ym can ever bhist? More neetis than you can kill, sir?” “ A y, Cobb ; but soraetliing whispers me— A sort of insiiiration— That I’ve a r/gW to t \cry farm Not under cidtivation. I'm of the ‘ Anglo-Saxon race,’ A people known to tiime, sir ; Rut you,—what right have you to land? U'ho ever heard your name, sir ? I deem you, Cobb, a lazy lout, Poor, troddtui-down, and blind, sir ; And if I take your u-eless land You ought to think it kind, sir! And with niy scientific skill, I set it down as true, sir, That I can gather Iromthe farm Full twice as niucli a.s you, sir. To he explicit: ’Tis an age Of freedom and progression ; Ko longer dog-in-in.ing'er like’ Can you ret.iin jmssesiion. The farm long since you forfeited. Because you faih d to till i t ; To me it dearly now helongs, Kiniply becun-e I will it. \ ?.fy logic if you disapprove, Or fail of ( bmpiebeiiding, Or do not led convim ed that I Your wdfai e am intending, I’ve plenty more of argfunients Towliidi lean re-:ort, sir ■ Hix-sho(;ters, rides, Ijowie kniies, Will iudn ale the suit, sir. ” 8o, pritinc, t.'ulib, take iiiy advice: Make overyiiurdwiiiaiii, s i r ; Or, sure as 1 am Captain llobti, Will 1 blow out you brains, sir!” Poor Cobb can only grind Ids teeth, .Old grumble pioU latioiis, Tiiat mitilit sbould be the rule of rig/it Among uhlinlittutd nalumn. - Pacijic Hua J'lunrisro. TOUCH WOT T H E COP. Tondi not tlie eup, tlioiigli there swims on tlie top of it Hubbles as bright as the stai.s in tlie sky ; Htill there is hid la ucath (-veiy drop of it, (Serpents tiiat sting, and Unit cause thee to die I All, east it away 1 touch riot the brimmer, ’Tiviil cause tliei; dark moments of angniisii and strife, Tliy briglit beaming i ;, e it v.ill make to grow dimmer, And loosen the briglit silver i i.rd of Iby file. Touch not the nip, for the hand tliid miee pre.vuis it Feels its di-ep burning for ever ami c\er ; Toiieh it not, brotber, the lip that euivssc.s it, Fade.s in its ime, ami is luiglit aguin.never! Then tuudi mA the nip, tliougli tlieic swims mi the Buhble.s us liriglit as Um .stars in llie sky ; Htill there is hid beneath every drop of if, Herpeiits tiiat sting, and that caiis.e thee to die I IJO T IIK Y lUlSM iUE AT HOM E f 1)0 they mis.s me at h iiiie ? |).i Ihey jii L h me ? _ ’Twoiild hi- an w-iii,tin i- mo-t dc.ir (I know at this nioiiient .some loved one Was saying ” 1 wbli in-: was buci ’ I) know tint Uie gi'oiip lit Um Hrc.jido WeiCs UunUiiif/ m me su I roitin ; ....nUiiif/ f>r me su I roitin ; Oh, ye-j, *twouh] ho ho^ond rm-uMirc, To know that Uiey inlss me at liome. YVfien twiliglit ainiroaclica, the season TIuil ever was sgc)(fi to emig, Jloes some om -, repeat my name over ; .-ind sipli Lbat J tuiry so long V And is tlic-io a chonl in the music That's missed vvlini my voice is away? And a clioi d in the lieart Uuit makctli Regret at my v, eaiMoine stay ? Do they place me a chair at the lahle, When evening’s liome jileasiires are nigh j And lamp.s are lit in tin: parlor, And stars in the calm azure slvy ? And vyheii tlie ” Uood niglibs” are repeated, Ami each lays liiriisi-lf down to sleep. Do they think ot tlic ab.-ent, and waft mo A wfii.spertd •• Uood-riiglit'’ o’er the deep ? [Fyom Jlfoore's Rural Wew-Yorker.] •WE MIHS THEE AT IIOHE. X ycpiy to Ore Poimlai\ Ale, I Bilim He Hi Home 1” nr a. w. iiAHKF.n, Yes, mo miss thee at homo, o 1 we miss thee, Tliy limigc Isstili In oiir lieurta ; And we Huger wiUi fond recolk'clion, ■Wliilo the warm tear of Hynijmtliy btnrts. }Yo Hfo thinking how sweet was that moment, Wlien you fctood at the licad of onr hand, fi0.w4eiU' were the words that were spoken, Aii4 Jiow warm was the cliusp of the hand. But now when the slnulows of evening Are settling on valley and hill, And the soft tones of melody, falling, Ifike dew on onr g(iirftsahstilj; There'’s a note in that nipturmis mcasui'c, That heareth its sadne-is to me, li'or it tells ns of vanished jilegsuro, And mournfully wiiispem of thee. This moment we tearfully mias thee, Wliilo round the old family hearth, aiiit, 0 , there’s a seat that is vacant, ft coyeiu onr spirits with gloomy— This weartsomc moment, we miss thee, W-e miss-thee, we miss thee at liome, <5! where dost thou wearily wonder, s«s„»wi„. Ho long, tliro’ the world, dost llwu stray ? Nay, our b<»oms can never forget thee, WJrere’er thou mayest thoughtlessly roam, And 0, wilt tlwn ever rememher, YVe miss thee, we rnj.s.-? thee at home. {Prom the Boston YV’cekiy Tmnscript.] w h a t HAITll T f m FODATAIN f YVherfitbemu moantain T'hroweth im shade ? Tboffki tltyhotum, k m wild ywsoim ( I free. Even the mirror of imn'ty he.\. WJiafrpaltli tjie Btfcamltt, Flowlngso hright, '* Jfamin^ floating along, [From the Flag of Our Union.] “ONLY TWO OF US.” BY MRS. M. E, ROBINSON. “ rve made an engagement tor you to spend a day out, this week,” observed Hquire Crosby, as Ids wife was placing dinner on the table. “ Have you ? I’m sorry, for I fear I sliall be too bimy to fullil it,” she rejoined, in a slight tone of regret! “ Bimy about what!” testily e.\claimed the speakei’. “ I would rc.spcctfiilly inquire, for somewhat le.ss than the hundredth time, wliat you can po.ssihly lind to do ? It seems to me that you must really suffer for want of exercise.” “ I do, undoubtedly,” said Mrs. Crosby, “ It can’t be otherwise,” continued the Squire, decidedly. “ It is a coinjiarative- ly idle life for a woman to attend to a few household cares.” “ A few household cares!” “ Ye.s, my dear Mrs. Crosby, and the ■washing put out into the bargain. XVhat a laborious business!” Bipiire Ci'iishy look ed very wise, and spoke with a slight de- glee of irony. “ You talk like one who is unacrpiainted with his subject; hut at (he, same, time, 1 am willing to allow that you know' as much about it as tlicgciici-ality of men ; and that can’t he (‘onstrued into a compliment to the sex by any means.” “ Hut isn’t the lac.t a self-evident one, Mrs, Cro.shy f Ilavn’t I eyes, and can’t I see—ob.M;rve—look about me—conqile- helid t” demanded tlie iSquile. “ You might, w ithoiit doubt; hut whefh- er you do, is auother tiling,” rejuhied his wile. ‘'He tiiat as it may, liowever, I am satislieil lliat 1 can lind eiiougli to do to keej) me out of idleness.” “ When there’s only two of us'f” “ Only two of us,” added Mis. (Voshy, ((iiielly; “ for it is just us necessary thal two should eat as four.” “ W'ell, it cei'laiidy must he a great un dertaking to cook a little food, wasli a few dihlies and lay the table three times a day! Why, 1 coulj uccemplish the w hole in less tliau two h ours!” “ Tliosc duties you have named do not compiise the whole of liousekee^iing, Mr. Crosby.” . “ Perhaps n o t; I shouldn’t mind throw'- ing in a little diisUng and swoeping once in a v.htle. But it ucrtuinly ajipeais laugh able to hear a woman 'complaiu of the wdik, when there’s only (w’o in the family, 1 veiily bclii've it’s nothing hut luihil,” quoth (he Hquire, with heeoiuiiig giavity. “ Huppose you liy i tf o r one day” ]m>- posed Mis, Cio.sby, with like seiiousnes.s.- “ r il go to the oilice mid do your woi and you cun reiimiu at lumie and do mine.\ It’s rather a novel pi'oposition, and I IW. >’ (luii’t at this lime, recall to miiid any eele- hrated nuni that did houscwox'k. I havn’t ihc Iciibt ohjeclioii to trying it, iiotwith- stariding, and presume, it will he the easiest day’s wotk I shall have this year,” rejoined the husband. Both being agreed, the nest day was se lected for the exchange of employments.— A quiet smile lurked about Mrs. Crosby’s mouth, and the Hqniro evidently tlionght it a line joke; one which would aflord him a huge fuiu) of merriment, and he iliu means of jB'oving to his wife tiiat hoiisuwoik was nolhing more than a pleasant amusement. Hhe, deluded woman, thought her time Yvas fully oeenpiot] in keeping a good sized liouse tidy, and in devising now means of gratifying the jmlate of the H(piire; Yvho, strange to say, liked good food, and an abundance of it. lie seemed to think this jumped upon the table ready cooked, and that Mrs, Crosby (orsome otluT puisnn,) had hut to utter a few magical words, and everything was done, But to hear these tiilling duties termed enormous, when there was ” only two of them” to look after, seemed a great ahsiirdity to Bipiire Cros by, and he inwardly resolved to wiito an article on tlie subject, and let the sterner sex knoYV horv much they were irnpogod upon. ^ While reflecting upon this laiulahlo de termination, Mrs, Crpshy had occupied l]or- selfin jotting down a list of the duties which demanded attention the next morn ing, This she folded, and quietly handed it to her hnsband, requesting him to wake out a similar paper, that no mismanage ment might ensue, “ The list is no longer than usual,” said tha hi4y, smiJwg at the earw'stness whh r... ■aq’veyod it, e I go through performance every day, i-..,.omitted. But which he mirvoyed it, e I go through with the same performance every day. It is necessary, for they cannot ho omitted. But don’t he ftightened 5 yon can take your own lime,” she added, m a bantering tone. Feigning the utmost indiflereneo to the results, ho remarked that he should proha- hly e make quick work of it,” and placing the paper in his pocket, returned to the ofliee. The liege lord of Mrs, Croshy practieed law |n a euhnrhnn town, and had acquired Wlisfciwitli tlieBlveri Majestic to flow, Moving fircycr Ualraly sad slow? \ Hvee my mtrffics tUegi IBs Jicr Uiink- I wwiA, j.mti COM 14 BHi, n a lp iijj ingthat she dfiserved some credit for doing, She had no partienlar desire to he praised, “ justice where justice is due,” was her motto i and on? maders will perlisiw colneidfl with her m the belief that it was self ia readiness to see about breakfast.” Our heroine had taken the precaution the night previous to prepare the Iqndluigs, and in a short time had a brisk fire, She allowed Iierself to do just what her hus band had been in the habit of doing, and no more. He usually left the coal and cin ders for her to sift and clean away, as well of the remnants of wmod and shavings to pick u p ; and she didn’t feel inclined to limit his pnvileges at this time. The din ing table stood in the middle of the room, also, covered with hooks, papers, wnting materials, and other articles used the eve ning before. Those she did not molest, and without pulling up the shades, or put ting hack the chairs, she took a newspaper and began to read. Tlie Squire had evidently completed his toilet quicker than common, but it was ’ ’ foi liingiu see l/is wife reading before breakfast, and nevertheleiiS, nemly an hour before he made it V t was something novel to his appearance, see his wife rea he could not help smiling to witness her perfect sang froid, “ I’ve been up a long time, and renewed the fire twice, Mr. Crosby,” she remarked, without looking up. , Tliis was the Squii'e’s favorite salutation when his wife happened to take an extra nap of live minutes. The gentleman made no reply, for he understood u hat the remark meant with out tlie aid of an interpreter. Ue proceed ed to business with great alacrity, piling tlie hooks and ]m])crs upon chairs, and nearly upsetting the iiifostand in his haste. After hjiilling some oil, hy carrying a lamp the wrong way, and allowing tlie kettle to boil over some live minutes before he. got ready to take it out, he succeeded in getting the cloth laid, though in rather an awkward manner. “ I think I should relish apiece of beef sleak, Mr, Croshy,” remarked the lady in the locking cliair. “ All, then you shall have it,” replied the lioii.'^ckeiqier of the day, patronizingly, as be busied himself with the napkins, ciqis, sauc-eis, plates, knives, forks, etc. He Died lo veccolleet liow Ml'S, Crosby arranged them, liut in spite of all his attempls, he couldn’t make no ajiplieation to that lady for advice, however, ami she ajipareiitly was absorbed iu her reatliiig, Ailjourniiig to the kitchen, the squire at- temled to (he making of a “ delicious cup of coUee,” and had a long struggle ofbeaf steak, which refused to broil to Ins satis- liiclifin. Wlieii refuinillff to tilt faction. When returning to the dining loom, after a long absence, looking heated uni impatient. Mis. Crosby remaiked, con- lultiiig lier watch “ that lie had been ab ut loftg enough to make a beef steak,” fl’hjs observation the Hquire reraemlieved to have, heard before, but did not make it uppureiit, At length the cuflbe awl meat wci>e brought in, ami all things werepro- wiuw’cd ready hy the olliciiUing master of eerem onies. Mrs, (Tosby seated herself, and began to iirve; the Hqiiiie took his place at the bead of tbe table, and proceeded to pour out the cuilee. “ The bread, Mr, Croshy,” suggested the lady. “ Bles.s me, I forgot i t !” lie exclaimed, dropping the coflee-[iut, tiwl jumiiing up so hastily that he came near overturning the Tlie bread was soon produced, cut in slices varying in thickness from a wafer to a junk of four inches, “ The butter, Mr. Croshy,” suggested his companion, when he was again fairly soat- “ I declare, what a poor memory I have g o t ! And setting down the clip which ho liad taken up for tlie second time, ho start ed for tlie missing article, Placing it in Iriumph beside Ins wife’s plate, ho renewed Ina HHiAitnWu iiX. Ii/Yliriiur /Mwl llim his uUoiupts at cotfee pouring, ami (his time was successful ; hut it must bo mtJter hard to work hiiilly a wlroli mora* ing, and then he told “ that had done nothing, comparaliyidjri” It wai not cfturaging, to my the fo8»t, »he fiwjwt- «4 thn e x p m m t of the Bfixt day with imjflh interiit. Morning o*m&, and tlio iSquire wonsed hi* wife, and informed be? in n significant tone, “ thafe it ww quite time to d r tu and make afire.” Mn.Grmhy did wait for » second bidding; hut Taroarlwd, m »b« left the ebgmher, “ that h* put him- put filmt$ in Ofd#, elaun knivi*, olegnB* Here goei table, wmh di«M«* wipe down ehelYW, eleen knlvee, oieenBu link, nth ellyw, Waok ifoya, kee{t Art, »i- t«id to door hell, sweep bsJl, h»‘u»h eteire, iwwip piufor, dining rooi% md kftcheni dust tumit«r«, trim l»wp<h do chemher work, W8*h roeM for oven, Tflgatn- bJee, stew eremberriae, vnuke pudding, mid entertain yiiiton, |f Bjejr keppeii teewh” M Bleee me, i« ibut idl 1” erfod ^ ^u»e? k«ep«r< niM lltkM mektog » gr«ili fnai about a UMki E loundelurgei* thea id reuUyii, I think Dl nW*r the taWe, to begin with, e« that i* put down ne»t,” So a t it he went, knocking things hither and thither, at great hazard of their demol- ishment. As the idea didn’t occur to him that he could carry a waiter of articles at one time, he made a great many journeys between the dining room and kitchen, which neccssailly consumed considerable time. The dish-washing proved rather an awkward affair, aiid didn’t progress so rap idly as he could have wished. He couldn’t wipe the cups handily, the saucers .seemed bungling, and the plates would slip hack into the water; but after breaking a cut glass tumbler, (which ho felt certain of matching the next day,) Imocking a largo piece of a platter, (which he resolved to paste together while dinner was cooking,) and cracldng a pet dish of his wife’s, while .“etting up a jale of plates, the matter was brought to a close. The knife cleaning was another thing altogether; there wouldn’t be any danger of breakages, and ho could ’em through” quick. But the black spots were deeper set than he imagined, and required the exhibition of more “ el bow grease” than ho had any liken of. He contended longest with the carving knife, wliieh, in consequence of being so awk wardly handled inflicted a deep cut, as a slight token of remembrance, This was a mistake that caused many other mistakes during the day, owing, uudoubtedly, to the clumsy bandage which the Hquire wrapped about Ills liamls. It may be well to reinmk, that the afore said li.st was {jlaced earefiilly in a con spicuous position, and frequently referred to. He attended (0 the silver, and tlien glanced at the cluck. The hands pointed to an hour which admonished him that time waited for no man,” and had no par- dcular sympathy for inexpeneuced house keepers. *■ What’s next on the docket, I wonder,” he thought, eonsulliiig his memorandum. “ All, ‘ stove 1.0 black!’ XVell, I must ad mit that the coflee which boiled over hasn’t improved its appearance much. I’ll look up the brush.” Ho .'^aying he prepared the polish and sat about the operation at once. TIio stove, was quite hot, and he could n’t work to any advantage. Tlie more liquid he ]iut on, the more it would sjnitter about and lly oil' with a crackling noise, Ho thickened the li()iiid, but it would nut ndliero lo the stove, and he began to think it was howitched. At tills stage of afl'airs, ho hiqqiened to I'eeollect tiiat somebody had said milk was the best thing to wet Uiepow’der with ; so he hastened to the. pantry and pouring out a quantity, applied it to (ho refractory stove, That didn’t mend (he matter much, and thp smell of burned milk 1>egan to he quite disagreeable, The room’^ was filled Avith smoke, (lie floor around the stove was dot ted wilh little spols of blacking and llie Hquire’shands were coilainlynot the clean est that over was, when a violent ring of llie bell vusomided tlirongh the house, making our hero start as though ho had ell smprised iu some disliuiiumlilu act. He looked towards the door, then at his hands, and fliuilly at a lavge slain ou liis shirt bosom, which hoi'o a strung resem- hliint'o to blacking. “ I wont go! they may ling all day, if they like 1” he exclaimed, im]mtionlly, go ing to the wash basin and trying Io bring his hands to tlieir neeustomed color; hut a .second n n g warned him that some per son without was not inclined lo “ give it up so.” “ Confound lliat tintinahula! I suppose its some old man after hoots, elotljes, g^'i easo, or rags. If he does it again. I ’ll bring a suit against him for assault and bnlteiy !” cried our incipient housekeeper, making a few desperate dashes at (he dish-elolh, pear, “ Is Airs. Croshy.in ? “ Yes—I—no, she isn’t” he slannnered ; for tnilh to tell, the squire was thinking cui'iosity, aud this embarrassed him the more, J Now it must be observed tiiat our hero was vemarkahlo for the uoatness of his dress, aud th|i stain upon his linen assumed enoi'inons dimousions under the searching glance pfhis visitor. He dropped his eyes, and forgot the stafo in contemplating his sooty hands, which ho mistook for the towel, and hiir- ■ ‘'iig towards the door, which he opened h a trembling hand. , “Ah, good morning Hqiiiral” said a well fessed that ho eyed the dark looking beve- dros.sed, good looking young lady, who ov- ragewilh some nncertuinly ns ho passed it idently expected to see somebody else aei oss th;o table, pear, “ Is Mrs. Crosby.in ? “ Muddy cufl'ec again, Mr, Crosby 1” ab ruptly said tbo lady, The Hquire bad n’t a word of reply. “ Very smoky beef steak, my dear!— Wbat liave you done tp it?” slio continu ed, jiusbing a largo pioco of tbo obnoxious article to onosido of hor plate, “ You must bo extremely cmoless, or such things couldn’t happen so often as they do 1” “ What a woman this is to remember, to he sure I Anybody would supposo that slje had kept a diary of my tmiucky oh- servations for a year. Why, she has them all at her tongue’s end 1” thought Iho indi vidual addressed, though ho didn’t see lit to make any immediate rejoindev, The Htpiire had but little appetite; his Avife mimrkod the fact, and hoped “ that tlto simple oxovciso of getting breakfast’’ bad not taken it away, as one person, who should be nameless, was in the habit of as serting. The gentleman winced, and prenaved Iiimself a geiierons slice of bread and but ter, which lie proceeded to dispose of as though be had lacked food for weeks, Whenlilio morning meal was coneludeci, Mrs, Urosby dt>nned her bonnet and sbawl, and remarked that she would send home the dinner, left the house, Oiir hero was now aloiuo, and could cany on opomllous without an aye witness; ■which he observ ed d was much pleasanter,” ' “ Now we’ll consult the list,” he added, aloud, and have things go on in regular order.” Here goes; “ (let breakflssh 3(y hands, “ Excuse the disorder of my dress this morning, Miss Haynes,” ha added. “ I was 'andjust f of thehe This it must he confessed, was rather a iug, Miss Haynes,” ha added. “ I wa£ iforUmate as to upset the inkstand just ns you rum, and you see the efiepis of t accident,’^ departure iVom the huth, but the Squire couldn’t think of any other way to extri cafe himself foom the dilemma] and ho was not disposed to confess the exact stale of the case to his Ihlr hlaek-eyed friend^ who after making a few common place re marks, took her leave. “ What an ingenious exeuse that wflsl Nobody but a lawyer would have thought of ill” soliloquised our hero, glancingeonu placeutly in a mirror pertaining to the hat- tree, Imagine his mortifioation at discern ing a black streak across his faeo, which gave it a most ludioious aspect, No won der the lady looked at me with ourlosity, for nothing) probably, hufe good manners rastrained ner from a hearty |iugk. tSquire Gpoihy went hack to the kitohen with a slow step. To his Mlten astonish ment it was twelve o’clock, end he had Quito forgottau dinoeL Theilrawas Drely ouh the room ww in a sad plight, the list of duties not half eomplataa, and the meat, vegetabbsi, etc., remained un- tOMohed) . , . , His seal had eboled amasshgiy idnea morning, wai ha half rspwded nonapfini m his wife’s Ms had expaeh id to laa har antar avary momeirt, axpraii herself satisfied with the. experiment and desire him in a very humble manner to go back to the office and resume his legitimate sphere of action. But Mrs. Crosby did not appear, and he AVas at length obliged to collect his ener gies for the puropso of making anothei lire. After wearing out his patience, he suc ceeded in his undertaking, and consigned the meat to the cold OA'cn. It Avas too late to think of a pudding; Mrs. Crosby must excuse him that item, although he had al ways expected it of her, under all circum stances. He began to think that it did re quire some ingenuity and calculation to dispose of so many duties in and had some faint suspicion t keeping Avasn’fc' such a line joke, after all. He wondered how Airs. Crosby prospered and Avhether she didn’t wish Iierself safe at home ; hirsiod himself in anticipating how frightened she Avould be at finding how much work had been laid out for the day, and boAV complelly nonplussed she must inevitably appear, if a client should hap pen to call for advice. This last was such an amusing idea, that, our lawyer rubbed his hands and laughed to himself at the ridiculous figure Avhich he fancied Mrs. Crosby aviis about that time making. Leaving the Squire to Avoik out the rest of tlie items, avc Avill attend the footsteps of Ml'S. Crosby to her husband’s offico, aud note her oxpcriouco there, 4- it- * * * Tom Pettifoggev, the hiAvyor’s clerk, slav ed somewhat persoA'eringly when he saw Mrs, Hquire Crosby enter the ofiico with an assured step, and proceed to hang up bur bouuet and shaAvl Avitli a gonuiuo business “ Tom,” said Mis. Crosby, snajiping her fingers, carlessly, “ is this offico iu perfect order ?” “ Yes, ma’am replied ihu iufuut barris ter, more surjB'ised. “ I beg leave to differ \vith you, sir.— Do you sec tlie.se papers all scallered about here ? Pick them all up, and ILlc them iu projier order.” “ Where is (he—the Hquire ?” asked pet tifogger, Avitli mouth agape. “ I’rn Hniiire. tn-dnv. 1' oti I’m Hiiuire, to-day, Tom, and you’re man of business. Mr, Crosby told me t you bad a meuioraudum of to-da>’s k. Produce it if there’s suchh a ihing,” I ’eUifoggorfumblud about a >\ bile among 0 iHipers, aud sueeeeded in finding the r, Crosby 1 hil papers, aud sueeeeded in finding document in question. M’illi the faintest possible emilu that a woman could produce Mrs. Hquire Crosby read as follows : I'l'BMa.—Habeas corjms for Levi Lewis. A writ of replevin for the distress of Him- oon Hnooks, Fill out a quickelaira deed for John Hkej’s. Advise Captain Bauu- dors about action for damages aguiust; Farmer Junes. A Avrit of aUaelimeiit iu ease of BroAvn versus Hmilli. Exauiiuo loiters respecting Ali.'S Bright’s In each of promise case. Hend lliggiii’s hill, V\hi(e a threatening letter to Thomphou. Tevriiy Juu Bunker, if pubsililo. Uespeelfiilly in vite Colonel Drnunner lo call and settle Miijol' Ureeii’s bill. To taka tli.spusitiuns in W iggiu’s slander case. Get up au issue betneon Towiiaand aiul Fcrria, Distress the Widow Hauborn. Alake out cost and damages in case of Folgcr & Folsom.— Examine the title to lands lying north of IheMistloto River, claimed by Talbot and Tomkins. Kick BiltBuzzloton (firm of Buzzleton & Bnggs) out of the ofliee.— Browbeat Mrs. Cliandlor for lier landlord ogin. TA\ eak Johnson’s nose. Theahu\o I bo done besides attending to incidental office business, as it may occur, “ Well, here’s Avork !” thought our lady, her ardoreonsiderably cooled by this fovm- idahlo array of duties. “ Tom, do you knoAV much she asked, recovering lior solt-[>ussession, Tom didn’t seem lo knoAV Avhether lie did or nut, yawned tAvico, but expressed no Opinion in Avoi ds. “ I mean, are you any part of a lawyer ?” mud our fair barrister. I knoAA' all about the Hquiro’a business, ma’am,” “ Very Good 1 You must oo-opovato Avith me to dispatch all the items here nam ed with the least possible delay, I will lest your knciAvJecjgo a little, if yon please.— What is a habeas corpus ?” “ A writ for delivering a person from false imprisonment, or ftom one court to another!” said Tom, promptly, ^Vhat about Veiy good, case ?” bou this Lewis I made that out last evening, ma’aniJ’ “ You aolod Ywy properly, Next eomos a Avrit of replovin.” “ That’s all ready—finished it just as yon nmo in,” “ I’m glad yon attend to yonr bnainoss, Tom, III speak a good Avord for yon to my hnsband,” continued onr' heroine, ighteningnp, “Thank yon, kiw, Crosby ” “Two things arc disposed of,* then; ha beas oorpns, and the writ of replevin, Do you know onr pretty seamstress, Tom ?” Mr Pettifogger colored to. the veiy cli max of his forehead, and said “ y-o-s” in a Ycvy sheepish manner, “ Kelp mo, Tom, and I’ll help yon, Dave |ron bad a quarrel with that young lady “Day before yesterday—and—and—Pm afraid she won’t come round right again.” “Never fear—PU wan’ant yon in that miarrel-—-we’ll bring her round in no time, Tom-~bnt—but—X must get throngh with IheM ” “I’ll put yon clear through hy—hy--^-T “Ab,To«h(Wt»weavl” ' “ Wall,l don’t know what aUthiameauri but W^t. roe—that ain’t aweavinji’ toa’aifl —)f I don’t do my best for yon in any way yon naroa ” , “ Margaret Is a fine girl—next ootnes tbe qrookolaim deed. Yon have |ot Wanto ready to fill up, doubtless 1“ “fcxaotly.” “Dip yon? pen anddwd* itefti’ added M?i,OFo*by, Wbiie Pefev|||]«r WfM fillrog np the deed for Sykes, in popped Captain Saun ders to tjiko adv’ice coucerping an action for damages brought against him by Jam es J ones, “ My husband is not in at this moment, captain,” said Mrs. Crosby. “ Please doAvn and Avait a little while.” N oav our heroine AS’as a y o i j pretty a man, and bad exceedingly captivating man ners, Avhicb Avere generally pleasing to the other sex. The captain Avas not at all averse to “ Avaitipg awhile” Avith much satisfac- “ Please tell me something about this difficulty of your’s, captain. 1 should like to knoAv the particulars, for do you knoAV that I have studied liiAv extensively mysel continued the squire’s Avife, AviUi a pleasant smile. idera Avas qu troubles to such a listener, and so straight- Avay enbosomed herself. It aj.peared that his neighbor Jones’ sAvine had trcspa.ssed upon bis grounds, destroying, at certain times, sundry quantities of corn and pota toes, and to indemnity himself, he liadshot one of said quadrupeds, for Avhieh act the OAvner had brought an action. “ 1 ouu tell you Avhat to do in this case, precisely as Avell as the squire, himself,” said Mrs. Croshy, smiling still move pleasantly. “ What Avas the animal Avurth, do you sup- io t” she resumed. Just about six duDar.s, Mrs. Croshy,” roijuesting While Tom “ What do you imagine the A\hulo affair Avill cost, if it goes to trial 1” “ Twenty-five or thirty dollars, perhaps.” “ Then tlie cheapest Ai ay Avill bo to—to —leave me ton dollars, aud i ’ll settle the case, enplain,” added the lady, Avith a smile that Avas really bewitching. The captain mused a moment, and then exclaimed:—“ I’ll do it! Blow mq if I don’t believe you can settle it if anybody The eiijitaiu left the money and depart ed The. moment he had gone, a note Avas de.spatehod to Farmer Jones, him to step up to the offiee. W Avas engaged on the A\rit of B i 'O aau Aersus Hmith, Junes made his iqqiearanee, and (he sAvino afi'aiv Ava.s soltled fur seven dullais.— Thu lellevs of Miss Fright Avas examined, and nothing like a jiromise of marriage' could he made out of (hem. Mr.s. t.’roslty immediately Avrote (othat yoiuig lady, ad vising her lo drop the pro.seculiun of the ease, as there Avas no reasonable liupe of her sneeeediug, if tlie letters Avere llie on ly evidence on the ])remises, Iliggiu’shill Avassent, and Tom wrote a threatening let ter to 'iiumqisou ; but huAV shoAvas to tei'- rify Juu Bunker”— the item next on the programme'? “ Nutluug ea.sier,” said Tom. AVrite and (ell him his ease Avill eome**uii in a (V av days; that ivill bring liim right lo a sullle Peltifogger Avas instnieled lo Avrile a nu(e (o (lm( e(i'ee(, and also lespedfully in vite Colonel Drummer (o eal! and seKle Major Green's bill. As I he wiliie.ss had ini( come te depose iu tlie slaiuler ease, W’iggiiis VS, Briggs, tlic fair laAvycr and (he billing clerk passed ou to the uext To get up an i.'isno between ToAviisend ik Ferris. Don’t that mean a quarrel 'I’om ?” “ Just llial,” said Torn. “ Well, then, let us prevent it, by all means.” We liaA'o only to let it stand where it is, then, for they are jieaeeahle felluws that .... . ‘ ’larrel of iheinselvcs,\ tress the WidoAV Hauborn, comes next. Is (hat right, Tom ‘‘‘rile Hipiire had orders to lay an atlach- merit on all things,” said Tom, hy way of :plana(iun, “ For AA hat?” “ Boeanse sliu can’t pay some kiiui iff a hmnhng hill hrunght against her by (hat iwhuller Ham])son. “ Can’t this niijnst aelion ho (luashed 1” “ It ought to be, at any rale, it can be put ulT lung enough to give (he ])oor Avid- Avarnirig of Avliat is going on, so (hat call put her things out of his reach,” aplied Tom, “ Bettifoggev, yon are a treasure! run over and give tlie AvidoAv a sly piece of advice, and llien I Avill help you wake out damages in case of Folguv A Folsom, It Avas thus that kfrs, Croshy went on, and hy noon, Avith the able assistance of Tom, had reached the last three items, viz: “kjfik Bill Bnzzleton (of the firm of Bn zTeton Bu heat Mrs, Oj “ Now, as none irf these persons are ''sent, Avhat am X to do ?” inquired Mrs, js) out of the oftiee; hroA\'- .ndler, aud tw^eak Johnson’s present, AVhab am i to do r mqim Oroshy, looking archly at Tom. “ Why, just as the sqnire Avotild—wait till they come in” (* Exactly; hnt it is noAV ahont tlie honr of dinner, and if people can’t come in at proper hnsiness honvs, how can they expect to ho liiokcd down stairs, hvowheaten, or tweaked ? So, my yonng friend, wo Avill go to dinner, You will not be wanted Bda afternoon, therefore yon need not re turn to the office, but amnse yourself m any way yon please—by going to see khm gavet, perhaps, Lock the otneo and give im tka koy 1 1 wont forgot ycnif sonicos.” On her retnrni onr gentle attorney mot Iter wapiatvess, and having soron work to cdnsnlt hov abont, asked her home to din ner, As aeon a», ska ontered the heksfi, aha knocked al tke door and said, laconi- Oftlivi . “Bendy for dinner.” ludioraus spaatfusle fofet Jm tom Mr, Croshy with a segment of a squash in QUO hand, ind a potato in jko other. _ “ I hav'e hvonght a fttond home to din ner, kir, Croshy, aitded the lady. » The denoa yon have I” cried the sqnire, elevating two notorionsly srontty eyobra*wa,; half in vexation, half in wonder, at Ws Wifok gravity, “ How mon will dinner ha ready if «ka nontiimfid, drawing forth her watch with the iir of one to ahnrry. “ Judging hy present appearances,it will he on the table in about an hour and a half from this time,” said the neAV housekeeper, opening the oven door to look a t the meat, which Avas not yet blistered Avith the heaL “ As there are only two of us, Mr. Cros hy, I cannot' listen to any excuse for this unpardonable delay, sea Avhat you have ft self about!” For my p art I can’t found to employ your- “ Como, kirs. Qrosby, don’t exult until ijour Avork has been inquired into, Thera is such a thiiig as crowing before one is out of the Avoods.” *' If you refer to my office btisiness, I nnl glad to* bo able to intbnn you that it is suc cessfully accomplished, and I haA’e half a day to spare,” replied the lady consulting her Avatch, “ The hebeas corpus-—\began Mi*. Cros by. “ And the Avrit of replevin,” iuterruptr ed Mrs. Oi'osby. “ And the Handers case ?” resumed the “ And the tliveatoning letter ?” chimed in the lady. “ The land case, and broach of promise affair.\ “ All attended to, sir, ns well as Blizzle!- ton, of the firm of Bnzzleton & Buggs.” “ Ha, ha ! no, no ! you can’t put that load on to me, Mis. Crosby! kVhere’a Tom t” “ Looked tip the office and sent him oflf —didn’t Avant him—he’ll be hack to-mor- “ The deuce, Mrs. Croshy !” “ 1 sail!'Tom, sir. And noAV I iaa 'D yoil attended to the cases Avhich ' I left yon t — Ahem ! lot’s see. Are the dishes ■ivashed, closets in order, shch'es Avi]>ed duAvn, kniA'ca cleaned, stove blacked, lire kc])t hright, hall sAvept., stairs hrmshed, pailov SAVept and dusted, lamps tiimmcd, ohamhor AVork “ Hold on, klis. Croshy, for heaven’s sake! No woman aliAO could do all that in one forenoon !” Beg yotiv pardon; before you is a Wo-^ man vlio has done it c irs.” For only tAvo o f us s” “ Fur only I aa o of us, Mr. Cro.shy.” “ Are you a AAomau of veracity, Mrs, Crosby 1” asked the stjnire, Avith a smile. “ No gentleman has yet jnesumed to call it in qnestiim,” res])ondcd the lady, Avith a slight inclination of the body. “ 'Ilien I give it up, and make a grace ful surrender of tliese jiremises.” “And only tAvo of ns t” “ Mrs. Ciushy, Ih e g your pardon. I think that 1 am a little A\iser than I Avna this morning. I assure yon, upon (ho hon or of a genileinnn, that 1 Avill never speak dis|mragiugly of AAomaii’s duties again.— T avo of ns, J find, make eunsiderahlo \Aork iigh, at least, for one little Avifo to jievl'orni.” You are juirduiicd on (lie spot. Ami le( me assure you ilmt 1 do not vegiet tliia • day’s e.\])uriencu; ami iierhajis ihc Willow Sanborn aud seAeral oilier persons Avill “ Aud your lumible ser\ant among tho iinniher,\ replied the sqnire, boAving. \\'e have only to add that the squiro kejit his Avord, that Tom I ’etlifugger mar ried the ]ire(ty seamsD'cs.s, and “ only two of Us” A\ as never used except as a pleastmt jest. ^ “ I ji'unoon for Put ont tliu liglit.\- HiiAKsPB.inTJ. “ Ami thon get into bn!.’'—.I kkktksi William and John (locnpied separate beds in the same room, John ayus hunoat hut lazy. On entering their room to retire for the night John, Avith his usual nlaerity, un dressed and jnnqicd into bed, AvhiloAYilliam Avas pnlliiig off bis boots and deciding w bii b hide of bis bed Avould most likely prove tlie softest. After aft'AV miiuite'sdelay, kVilliamsprang into bed, jilaced his liead UlioU (wo pilloAVS, and duiiiiied himself nji, jirejmratoiy for a ecimfortable snooze, when Avliat should ho diseoAer, Aihen just leady to “ vlrop off,” but that lie Itad earelessly left the finid lamp burning. The discoAcry gave rise to tlio fulloAving Soliloquy t “’Tw'mtt do to leaA’e that Inihp burning, bnt it’s so A'evy cold that 1 hate most aAvfnl- ly to get ont on tho ffoor; but still that lamp nmst he, hloAvn out. I w’onder if I can’t make John got out. Blltry. Jolml” “Hello.” “ Did you oA'or knoAv Daniel Hoskins, foreman cif engine Thirfy-soA'cn ?\ “No. Why?” “ Nothing, only I did n’t knoAv Imt you kncAV him,' I saAV by the papera that hia death was caused last tveekhyinhalmg tho oiiherogon flnidaLvapora ft'om a lamp that ho aocfdontally loft burning in his room,— After llm flnlct was all consntned, the chem ist said, tho oxidical snotion of tho wick so consumed the onitrogon of tho lungs, that the Ihiidicai vapors suddenly stopped tho inspimtiau, and the heart ceased to heat.” John raised luroaelf up in bed, gawd .................... It up m . , - Avith a stovnuessindusfirihahloon theroclin- ing_ form of his voom-mate, and in a sten torian Yoieo cxohdmed i “ WTiy iu thunder don’t yon blow out that lamp 1” .** “ AYcU, snro enough ” was the reply, “it au’t out, islt f Weil never mintk John,it’ll did so, “IVl rather get uft a do/on tiroes than to die as Daniel Doskina ffid,” In the rooming Jfikiiviroted tokirowaU he particulavs about the death of Mr.Hos- tons, hut Williaro had no reuDllootion of ever speaking of it, and acenecd the honest follow of dreaming,— Mnmm* A goutforoau travelling to Irelaiid, wid to an impouam heggau *‘you havft lost *11 ymiv tootin’* Dm h i « v «»swetod» It’s time Bd parted *mth Vm, when 1'4 nothin for ’em to do\
