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April 27, 1977 Paper Sun Page S LOVE IT TO DEATH! The Out Reach Program (Continued from page 2) paint a picture of that person nude. You have to express yourself in a somewhat stronger way - the polite term is lovemaking. That term could not offend a grandmother hut the word SEX can. Platonic love is ,_ ... _ „ . , not where’s it all - unless you’re over 50 and you’re like Franklin and President William R. Kunsela ot Eleanor Roosevelt. & S£ te University College at Anyway, back to what I was saying. Each partner is given a grading Utica/Rome an sheet to mark at the end of lovemaking. After selecting the mark that Donald c e ay j y describes your partner, you mail it in postage free to the Department ntrai JJTu CoUeee by of Health, Education, and Welfare. After mailing in 20 of your best S ^ n a r t m e n t of Labor sexual lovemaking experiences then- computers will advise you and ¿ ce of Nationai Programs. Thè yn n chances ° r p0te,ntlal i0l a s“ cces^ful mf rriag®' contract provides for the creation all Civil Service exams, a score lower than 80 or B is not considerable as ^ a Job Development Unit-Out- bemg very acceptable. reach Program designed to in- Here would be an example of how you would mark your partner. I ve CTease veterans. employment in given brief summations for each mark, since I don’t have the time nor ^ ^tica District of the Depart- space to write them out. ment of Labor. Congressman WOMEN Mitchell noted that veterans in Clinton, Essex, Franklin, Fulton, „ . F Hamilton, Herkimer, Mont- Unpenetratmg............................................................................... .. .......... gomery, Oneida and St. Lawrence Auld Lang Syne ......................................................................................... Counties are eligible to apply for Johnny, We Hardly Knew Ye ................ ........ L the services of the Job Develop- Pop pop, Fiz fiz, Oh, What a Relief it i s ..................................................B ment Unit (J.D.U.) The J.D.U. will Far Out and Right O n ! .............................................................................. A work conjunction with the New York State Employment Service and local veterans’ employment services while assisting veterans t . . ~ F in preparing resumes, developing Bent .. ........................................................................................................... .. ^ e r v iew skills, and locating job Gym Sneakers............................................................................................ an(j training opportunities. Any Port in a Storm . . . . .........................................................................~ President Kunsela said that the Denver Nuggets..............................................................................................® J.D.U.-Outreach Program would Can’t Get Enough of Your Love ............................................................ A contact over 4,000 employers and place approximately 400 veterans Instead of eloping, I can see a young man going over to his girl’s ¡,1 j0bs or training programs, house to pick her up right under the old man’s nose. With thèir Kunsela also noted that this is only suitcases packed and about ready to go out the door, you could hear, one component of a total vétérans’ “Where the HELL do you two think you’re going at this crazy hour? education program on which the It’s 11:00 o’clock at night\ the father barks, as he grabs hold of his college and Congressman Mit- daughter’s boyfriend by the shirt. “Back off, Pops. See this certificate chell’s office have been working, with the New York State Seal. This makes us man and wife for six Upper Division College is awaiting months, and you can’t touch me or Pll call the cops.” Just then, the final decision on an additional mother (who was eavesdropping in the kitchen anyway) comes running $400,000 in federal funds for other in and says, “Julie, how could you do this to us?” T m sorry Mom and proposed contracts related to Dad, but if I get married to Bob, I want our marriage to work out right. veterans’ training. Ever since I can remember, you have been screaming at each other, President Kunsela noted that and it has gotten on my nerves. I am not sure that Bob and I are totally the cooperation and support of compatible, but in the next six months at least I am smart enough to Congressman Mitchell and his find out.\ staff was largely responsible for Dig it. I can see this scene happening in a soap opera, perhaps One the award which culminates six Life to Live. After Bob and Julie split, the mother goes “Boo hoo hoo months of negotiations with the hoo” and the father goes “Will ya shaddup with that crying? I don’t Department of Labor. The result- know about these goddamn crazy kids.” ing J.D.U.-Outreach Program will The thing here that while you can have love without marriage, and be conducted cooperatively with love with marriage (either one is great), you cannot (actually, it’s the Veterans’ Employment Ser- should not) feasibly have a marriage without love. If such a thing vice, the U.S. Department of exists and believe me, it exists all over the United States, then you Labor, the Veterans’ Admimstra- have marriage by «Mig.rinn, and not love. This is where the couple tion, and the Veterans’ Work- stays together because of their kids, or divorce is too expensive, or Study Program. It will employ a their church doesn’t approve, or they’ve been married so many years director, three employment coun- that they have gotten use to the non communication. Marriage by love, selors, a clerk/typist, and several not by obligation, is what this country needs. (In fact, all of humanity.) veterans’ work-study students. That is why a temporary try out marriage is so important for our Information concernmg this pro- nation’s youth ' gram may be obtained through the I can see that if New York State (yet alone the United States) were Upper Division College Division of to adopt the six month marriage, a lot of pressure against such a Contmmng and Graduate Educa- measure would come from the lawyers and their powerful lobbymg tion, (315) 792-3333. groups. After all, with divorce rates going down, a lot of lawyers would be out of work because there would be less middle class families to bilk money out of. As you might of heard, there was a do-it-yourself divorce kit out a few years ago which gave you all the documents and directions needed for $200., which is much better than paying a lawyer a $1000. * , and up. A concerted group of lawyers took the company that was T I » marketing such a wonderful idea to court. Y ou can figure out who won. | 1 1 1 9 Perfect marriages (although they’ll deny it) are a lawyer’s worst ellLetme point out that I am not against a couple, upon getting their 6 SllZICft month Marriage Learner’s Permit, taking off on a little honeymoon of W | # M V V their own. Infact, I have a good idea for a youthful and wonderful honeymoon myself. It’s a little big wild but you gotta dig it: Skydiving | 1 | A A nude at 62,000 feet over the Bahamas and having sexual intercourse with your fiance. WOW. This would be especially good for you Women’s libbers. It will be so easy to change position. Dig it. You take off at dawn from La Guardia in a reconverted B-52 Bomber I Q | ( turned luxury flying craft. There you are served steak and eggs, toast, juice, coffee, pink chablis, and whatever, and for the more sedate, you can listen to the Carpenter’s “We’ve Only Just Begun. - k A f Within a couple of hours you’re over the Bahamas at 62,000 feet, and l U I the pilot pinpoints the Honeymoon Nudist Island. You take off your clothes, throw them in a suitcase built for long falls, put on your V A h I I parachutes, and the door is pushed open, the word in given, you kiss | ( ) U J J and hold hands as you walk up, and then GERONIMOH! You have 20 minutes and 61,000 feet to find, erect, hook-up, and dock the lunar module. A lot can happen in 20 minutes. The joy of success can be a real trip. Just one thing: Don’t forget to pull the ripcord out a 1,000 feet. (Continued on page 10) Flea Market UTICA, NEW YORK, APRIL 15 - The third annual Upper Division College Flea Market and Crafts Fair will be held at 811 Court Street, Utica, on Sunday, May 1, 1977 from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Last year’s flea market attracted over forty area craftspeople and nearly 3,000 people from the community attended. In addition to the crafts and flea market •items, this year’s flea market will feature raffles, a used book sine, a plant sale, a bake sale, and refreshments. The proceeds from the flea market are used to support the College Student Emergency Loan Fund. The Iona fund is available to students who face unexpected short-term financial crises and is supported almost entirely by the flea market. The crafts section will be expanded this year and crafts people are still needed. Persons interested in participating should call Bill Berman, Director of Activities and Housing at (315) 792-3460. Those wishing to donate flea market items should contact Shirley Wurz, Vice President for Student Affairs at (315) 792-3444. The Flea Market and Crafts Fair will be held rain or shine and is open to the general public free of charge. Great Southern Concert By Bob Tomanek Those of you who stayed in Utica over the Easter vacation- most likely caught the Great Southern Concert. Those of you who didn’t missed a rare opportun ity to see Richard Betts and his new band perform one of their very first gigs. Great Southern consists of five members besides Dicky. The set-up is identical to the original Allman Brothers Band - dual lead guitars, dual drum section, bass guitar, and organ. In fact, the sound was much like the original Allman Brothers Band. The music was great, but the concert was plagued by technical difficulties with the band’s brand new equipment. Nonetheless, Dicky put on a good show, opening up with his classic “Blue Sky.” When the band did “In Memory of Elizabeth Reed,” I felt that Duane Allman was there, at least in spirit. It was just phenominal. The repertoire also included “Jessica,” “High Falls,” and a good part of the new album. Both lead guitars sounded very well and Dick’s slide playing was fantastic. Although I wasn't too impressed with the opening act, Nils Lofgren, all in all, it was a memorable concert. NOW SERVING LUNCH Best sandwiches in Town
