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Page 4 | Times of Wayne County waynetimes.com December 30, 2012 Opinions Army Reserve thanks Ontario Rod & Gun Digging Weiis by Chuck Wells Cars vs. Computers The computer industry says that if the car manufacturers had kept up with technology like the computer in dustry, “we would all be driving $25 cars that get 1,000 miles to the gal lon. The car indus try responded: “If we had de veloped technolo gy like the computer industry, we would all be driving cars which: For no reason whatsoever, crash twice a day. Every time they repaint the lines in the road or change road signs, you have to buy a new car. Your car would die on the road for no reason and you would have to pull over, close all the windows, shut off the car, and reopen the windows to start again. While making a left turn, your car would die and you would have to replace the engine. Requires special software so someone doesn’t remotely commandeer your car and the car would stop and restart itself when it feels like it for updates. All of your gauges would be replaced by one warning light: “Your car has per formed an illegal operation.” The airbag system would ask, “Are you sure?” before deploying. You would have to press the “start” button to turn the engine off. For no reason, your car would lock you out and you would have to pull the handle, turn the key, and hold the anten na at the same time. All the controls on new cars would be different so you would have to learn how to drive a car all over again. And if your car needs service, you would have to call some guy in India who doesn’t speak English for instruc tions on how to fix your car yourself.” BURGLAR SUES A burglar in Sacramento County, Cal ifornia is suing a homeowner. The bur glar was going through a house unaware the homeowner was at home. When con fronted, the burglar shot the homeowner in the jaw and tried shooting him again in the head but he was out of bullets. The wounded homeowner then pulled his own gun and shot the burglar sev eral times which the burglar thought was “unnecessary” and excessive so is now suing for injuries. An elderly man lamented: “When I was a boy, my momma would send me down to a corner store with $1 and I’d come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, and 6 eggs. You can’t do that now. Too many damned security cameras!” THANK YOU! During this holiday time I just want to thank a few people. Of course, spe cial thanks to my wife and family who love and support me. I couldn’t make it without you. Also thanks to my staff that makes my insurance job so much easier and also puts up with me and my fail ings. Thank you to the thousands of you who have to come to my office for your insurance needs. I value the trust you have in me and fight for you on a daily basis with insurance companies who only see you as a faceless number. I’m not perfect and do make some mistakes but try my best to protect you. I look for ward to meeting new people this coming year too so give me a call. And finally, thank you to the thou sands of you who read this silly column every week. There are about 20,000 of you now. I am amazed how many of you take the time to write me, post my col umns on bulletin boards at work, call, talk to me in the store, share it with your friends in faraway places, or stop into my office to thank me for making you laugh and writing things so many of you want to say but are afraid. You also tell me not to change and keep the bluntness and hu mor coming. One woman from Florida wrote to me that my column kept her go ing after her husband passed away as the column made her laugh at such a diffi cult time. She asked that I please not stop writing. I was touched by her letter. Imagine coming up with a new, fresh, insulting, column every week for years! I’m tired just thinking about it! I get in trouble with the fibs from time to time but don’t take it personally and I’m not about to change. They get aggravated and offended and call me nasty names but still keep reading. Also, thanks to the editor of this paper, Ron Holdraker, who, when I contacted him over 20 years ago to write a column every week said, “Yea, sure. Bozo. Write about insurance crap. I’m sure everyone will want to read about that.” He thought I would last a couple of weeks. Now he just shakes his head and prints the crap anyway not caring who I offend. Enjoy your holidays and hopefully, we will share some stories in 2013. E-Mail Chuck at: cwells @wellsinsagency.com Call Chuck at Wells Insurance (315- 597-3544) or stop in for a free auto, home, life, business liability, contractor, or long term care (nursing home) insur ance quote (and a free coffee mug!). You may save some money! Great rates, many companies to choose from (we do the shopping for you), and hometown service! •Fully Fenced •Security Monitoring •All Sizes Available •Outdoor Storage 1140 Route 31 Macedon, NY (behind Filer’s PowerSports) Macedon storage 3i5-986-2030 www.macedonstorage.com IH The Army Reserve 1/391 st would like to extend a big “Thank You” to the Ontario Rod and Gun Club. On Novem ber 10th the Ontario Rod and Gun Club, located at 2523 Trimble Rd. in Ontario, NY graciously opened their doors for our Army Reserve Unit to come use for training. The l/391st of Webster was able to save time and money by using a facility so close to our unit. The members of the Rod and Gun club voted to close the whole facility for the day. Many of the members stayed around for the day to help cook hot dogs and burgers so our Soldiers could have a warm lunch. The Ontario Rod and Gun Club of fered a great facility for our training and, with many of the members being veter ans themselves, many “war stories” were shared to further improve the morale of the day. The 1/391 St would like to publicly thank the members of the club for such a warm welcoming and a day filled with outstanding training. Army Reserve 1/391 st Burnham's Canalside Casual Dining & Catering Off-Premise Catering Available! Pick up or Drop off Graduation & Retirement Parties, Corporate Events & More! Breakfast: Mon-Fri. yam - iiam, Sat- Sun yam-ipm Lunch: Mon-Fri. iiam - 2pm Dinners: Fridays 4-8pm FRIDAY NIGHT FISH FRY & PRIME RIB Offsite Banquet Facility Available For up to 150 Weddings, Reunions, Retirement Parties Call (315,) g46-^ioofor more details Holiday Gift Certificates Are Available Your hostSf Brad & Betty Burnham \ ^1^-946-^100 \ BurnhamsCanalside.com We've Got Your Next Vehicle! 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CFP® Financial Consultant 1274 Ridge Road, Ontario, NY 14519 (315) 333-5620 bpagano@crossbridgefinancial.com www.crossbridgefinancial.com Securities and advisory services offered through Commonwealth Financial Network Member FINRA/SIPC, a Registered Investment Advisor © 2 0 1 3 by King Features Syndicate, Inc. World rights reserved.^ ,M\i btlf cir«Fy,EXActt/ yiilVtrWlWEP IA -5T , 'X 'til-, Lochiel Dog Training School - Class starting - January 16. 2013 C a ll Linda Forsyth 315 - 331-8480