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THE TIMES -- PAGE 2 - JULY 10,lWO . . >- . . . , , - / THIS; , . CORNER- . \ - . a by Ron Holdraker - New Drugshaves 30 Yean Off Editor . , Scientists BnZRed by Results! . ' Can the Experiment Be Repeated? Ron Holdraker, the humble editor of the \TIMES\, reversed the aging process this week with injections of a new drug, heralded by scientists as the wave of the future. Holdraker, chosen 'from hundreds of editors nationwide; was selectedby a board comprised of politicians and jail-bound crimipals as being ''the person we'd most like to have try anything new and unpredictable.\ ' 'It was simply astonishing,\ was the comment of Dr. Neitsne Kna$ presiding head scientist for the project; When-asked why a newspaper editor was se1ected;Dr. Knarf replied tFat this particular segment of society was most adaptable to change and also most expendible. Scientists were, at first, baffled at the lack of results upon administering the initial dose to Holdraker. It was only after repeated injections and following a lunch break that anything began to'happen. \It could have been when he snuck off and reportedly scarfed down somebody's lunch or sardines and ketchup,\ said the doctor's attendant Folrak. \Perhaps it wasthe head cheese omelette he downed,\ came a cry . from the back of the room. \We inay never stumble on the right combination again,'' came a cry from the throngs of observers. oldr raker, meanwhile, was thordughly enjoying his new found youth. \This is great. Now I can eat anything I want and my itty-bitty body will just burn it right off,\ said the once-rotund writer. - Holdraker's wife of fourteen years, Patti, seemed unpliased by the revelation of her now much-younger spouse. \Oh yeah, sure, physically he looks a bit different,\ though she wouldn't elaborate, \but emotionally and socially 1,quite frankly, see-little change. I can tell you one thing though, if he makes one more crack about my gray hairs, the littie L - , , won't make it to puberty,\.said the now annoyed woman, showing her lack of patience and onset of middle age. scientists-were ukftain if the renewed aging process for .the sprite young Holdraker, would-slow oieven,begin to accelerate. \For all we know, he could end up older than he was when we started,\ said a confused Dr. Knarf. \Sounds like a bad \Star Trek\ episode,\ he added. Holdraker, meanwhile was spotted at several locations around town:\I saw him at CVS Pharmacy on Thursday night,\ stated Walworth resident Bobbie Camp. \He was shoving Hershey bars in his face at an alarming rate and was purchasing several tubes of Clearsi1,\she added. \I saw him throwing a tempertantrum after they refused' to serve him a beer at Flaherty's on Friday night,\ said locd celeb Don Ryan. \Too bad he got tossed out; it was his turn to buy,\ he added rather annoyed. Holdraker's 12 year old son, Wade, was quoted as saying that it was kind of neat having a father as a brother; \Well yes it was sort - of a novelty at first, but quite honestly, he's not the kind of kid you would want to play with very often,\ stated Wade. \Actually he spends an awful lot of time-singing old Gene. Pitney songs,\ he added. Gananda school Superintendent Larry Pedeken, notified Patti ~oldrakei that State Law required that the new, young \Ronnie\ must start attending school again. \He told me he'wouldn't mind going back to school, but that his ., originall~ypothesis that - algebra would be totally useless later in life - still rang true,\ added Patti. Asked what career the lad would take up the second time around, he answered . . . \Well I really enjoyed being a town'editor and annoying the 'daisies' out of some -people, but thistime, I think I'll take the easy way out and become an insurance salesman,\ he said wistfully. TOPSOIL Clean and fertile Perfeet for lawn and garden For 6 Yard Order %: -. Delivered . XCAVATING Site Development ldozer Backhoe Septic Systems Drainage Systems Gravel Driveways - BARK- MULCH - $20 yard^ 6 Yard Minimum SAND 6 STONE FILL-DIRT , BARK MULCH ~\alit~-work Reasonable Prices * on.-fri. 8-5, Sat. $-Noon Free Estimates , . (315)98,6-7.737 or (716) 42411702 -To the Editor of the .rl\i&es: - . I would like tb thank the organizers of the Gananda Community Garage Sale. I think it is a great idea and the parking changes they made this year were great. I would also like to thank the people who donated items, the people I who 'worked at my house this year, and ' all the many people who boughtitems at' our sale. As our poster'stated, all proceeds -- went to the Lupus ~oundatioi* Lupus is an inflarnmat~~disease of the immune system which affects 1 out of every 2,000 . Americans. Symptoms of Lupus can be joint and muscle pain, sun sensitive rash, sores in the mouth,. low grade temperature, loss of hair, pleurisy and many other problems. Generally women suffer from Lupus altho-ugh it can strike males too. Lupus is~aot irifectious, rare, cancerous or related to AIDS. This year with everyone's help, we raised almost $800. We also had three winners in our raffle. They wereRose- mary Mykins from ..Sodus, Eileen Bennett from Holley, and ~iwe Wolf from Auburn. Congratulations to the , . winners. . . , Thank you once again for everyone's support and we hope to see you next year. f - Kathy Crosson f 582 Sweetbrier Lane . Walworth, NY It Was A Moving Experience - Thanks for the Help! We would like to take a moment to ~ravino, Kim Leonard, Ken Hill, Ken thank all those who were able to lend a Soscia, Barbara Nel~,on-Dick, Janet hand with our 'big m0v.e'. As most of Farmen, and Brian Crosby! And thanks our readers know, we have moved our t0.a few others who* bither wish to printing facilities, as well as our news- remain nameless or whd intended to be paper office to West Wme Plaza in here but were prevented from heIping Macedon. , It ;was not a job we could by one emergency or another. - have handled alone;even with the help .. We appreciate all of you. Thanks of our employees. We would like to , again. ._ acknowledge those special friends who Ron and Patti Holdraker gave us their muscles and their cleaning -Nonesuch Court rags . . . Thanks to Judy and John Walworth, NY Palmyfa* Man Fighting Cancer FindsHe is Not Alone Approximately two and ahalfyears ago something happened which caused me to change the way I looked'at myself and at life. At the end of a routine physical examination, I casually men- tioned that. I was, .having difficulty swallowing; I underwent a number of tests and in what see'med like a very 'short period of time, I .was told that I had ~so~ha~eal Cancer. ~mmediatel~, I- felt totally alone and-cut off from normal relationships . . . I was now somehow different. Internally, I thought. that I was the only person who was so unfairly treated by life. It was some time until I remembered that my own mother had undergone surgery for cancer and that other relatives had also faced different, but, nonetheless life threatening illne~ses. Once the realization hit homethat I was'not alone and that I didn't have to cope with this illness by myself, I started reaching out in several - directions. I found that there was a variety of people and organizations who were willing to help. One of the first calls I made was to the W~ayne County Unit of-the American Cancer Society. I spoke at length, describ- ing my situation to Elaine Forbes, the Director of the Wayne County Unit. On this occasion and in each of the contacts I had with Elaine, some .of which she initiated, I found her to be a sympathetic listener. She was someone with whom I . . could share my fears and concerns for myself and,my family. It was during one of these conv'ersations that Elaine refer- red me to Joe D'EufMa, a Cansur- mount Yolunteer Counselor. Joe is - uniqudy qualified to help people face up to cancer. He is, himself, a cancer survivor who has been trained: to help other cancer patients become surviv~rs. Joe visited my home on several oc- ~ casions. He -introduced himself .and immediately set about establishing a caring relationship with the entire family. ~oe did not preach a 'certain philosophy, nor did he suggest that his experiences in dealing with can& would mirror my own. what he did offer was understanding of the changes our family was going through and a firm commit- , ment toward maintaining a positive outlook for the future. When Joe left, we genprally felt stronger and better prepared to face what was ahead. Throughout my illness I was for- tunate to receive -.much support and encouragement from my wife, my family and some very. dear friends. I shall always be most grateful for their com- bined efforts whichsustained me during .this most difficult period. I would also like to thank Joe and Elaine fox listening, . for caring and especially for being there - *when I needed them most. Larry Moran ~ddres&your 'Letter to the Editor' to: THE -TIMES, 7900 Route 3,1, West Wayne Plaza, Macedon, NY 14502. Deadline is Thursday preceding publication date. All Letters to the Editor must include your name and address The Times is published weekly, 51 times a year for $12.00 per year by Ron &-Patti Holbrakec, publishers, 1900 Route 31, Macedon, NY 14502. Application to mail at second-class postage rate is pending at Walworth, NY 14568. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to The Times, 1900 Route 31, Macedon, NY.14502. - - - - Advertising and story deadline for The TIMES is Thursday Noon. The TIMES is distributed weekly on Tuesdays. We are responsible for typographical errors in copy only to the cost of advertising space used.
