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THE HILLNEWS, April 1,2005 OPINIONS PAGE 3 LOOK BACK ON LARRYLAND Food Service Strives for Quality It has happened to all of us. Your mouth has been watering for the past hour of class imagining the salad you are going to make yourself for lunch. Upon returning to your seat from the salad bar, you eagerly dig in to your salad but notice your lettuce isn't making it's usual \crunch crunch\ sound as you chew. .',.\ Picking through'the contents of your bowl with a bent fork, you discover why. Not only is the lettuce brown (it's-been sitting since last night's dinner), but there are specks of dirt on your broccoli (someone forgot to clean it) and there is a long blonde hair strangling your mealy tomato. You have short brown liair and a queasiness quickly overwhelms your stom- ach. Dropping your fork and wrinkling your entire face with an expression of disgust, you wash it down with a gulp of milk. There is crust on the glass (the dishwashers missed it - again) you notice as you finish the last sip. Getting up to leave the table you have lost your appetite and swear you will never eat in the dining hall again. Well now you can set your mind at ease because means have beentaken to prevent such mealtime tragedy. A course on sanitation was offered to all St. Lawrence Pood Service Employees this past January. The course was taught by Michael Peebles,, chairman of the biology department in the life sciences division of Canton Technical College. According to John Taylor, Director of SLU Food Service, the course was not mandatory but strongly recommended, and 90% of all employees participated. The five-hour course involved lectures, experiments, testing procedures, storage and preparation techniques that taught workers how to prevent bacteria, molds and viruses on food sources. They also learned which foods are the most susceptible to becoming contami^ nated and what signs to look for. \We are always thinking of sanitation,\ said Taylor. \It's the only thing that is more important to us than the (taste of) food itself.\ The food service employees take their jobs seri- ously. They are responsible for our health and negligence on their part can lead to disease and food poisoning. This is for Taylor, \our greatest fear, as being, in the food business: goes. One can never be too careful.\ So now put your mind to ease and eat with the confidence that precautions have been taken to avoid, any more salad bar stomach upsets. COME SUPPORT SAINTS LACROSSE TAKE ON THE UNION DUTCHMEN AND SKIDMORE THOROUGHBREDS THIS WEEKEND AT NORTH COUNTRY FIELD! APRIL FOOLS EDITION,- 2005 Get The Hill News in your Inbox. o« VMK jptup^tt VMW ••••y i W— • Co—p» Sport* • Cwnwi Ctmnamr Mfyl *'• mm *• * wy to «*y JnOpwwdL.. awd «'• www.tlMMtiiMrws.com SAINT: Maintenance for cleaning die dirt off die pathways and the return of the Adirondack chairs to campus! Spring has arrived. SAINT: Women's Hockey team for giving St. Lawrence an ex- cuse to celebrate our athletic, pride with their trip t o the NCAAs. SAINT: Free lunch.at Dana on Tuesday and Thursday. Thanks Dining Services! ____ '. fight club in the basement ofWhitman. Good release of testosterone, but tnad first- year boys getting their. domes knocked aeainst toilets. PURGATORY: Having Dean Petty as your friendly dormi- tory neighbor. You might get in good with administration, but hands lown \worst socia. 1 bu zkill PURGATORY: Saints Women's Lacrosse, #1 in the Lib- erty League, has the perfect warm up mix for tailgating fans— but that wculd be fun so it's not allowed. SINNER: C ici irm.- P.u.iki LR1L;CI S nnt ''i mil.i p.i-- 1 - it' SINNER: W .l\ Cool tll.lt we SINNER: The fact off-cam - I cl.issc.-s instead of taking a da\ to pus cars c.irfi park overnight on cam- .erve I.asicr. It's n< >t like I i;.ive pus puts a re:il cramp in my sex lite. 1 SCIK K >I\v< irk t\< ir 1 .ent i >r .invthirm. h- lx L- \' P ;1V -* d ' '\• 11s ' :l ni ^' m s '- l P SUGGESTION OF THE WEEK! Please know, as devoted Hill News readers, that the Saint/Purgatory/Sinner section is infinitely more funny before editing takes place. For the full effect, feel free to attend Wednesday night meetings in the UC. And hey, send your own ideas in to. us and you can see them in print on Fridays P QUOTATION OF THE WEEK! \I'm going to graduate oh time, no matter how long it takes.\ -University of Pittsburgh Basketball Player speaking for St. Lawrence Class 2005 . It has finally happened. We have finally invaded a country who cannot not only offer us a •fair fight, but one which is geo- graphically close enough to in- flict real damage on American' soil. That's right folks, we have invaded Canada. Although, I suppose it's justified. After all-, they did blow up the greater part of downtown Buffalo. We have discovered, the hard way, that Canada is harboring weapons of mass destruction (WMDs). Although the United Nations (UN) defines WMDs as a nuclear, radiological, biologi-. cal, or chemical based Weapon used to harm or kill a large number of people, many United State's offices define WMDs as missiles that are capable of reaching American soil or other worldwide American interests. While Canada does not possess any weapons that adhere to the UN definition, it does possess missiles that adhere to the lat- ter definition. Canada used a regular land to air missile to destroy Buffalo, a type that fits in the United States' definition of a WMD, but not the UN defi- nition. The missile struck City Hall Tuesday afternoon, killing or wounding over a thousand people. While we have not yet dis- THE LEFT SIDE OF THE HILL Jessi Burg Columnist cerned Canada's exact reason- ing for the attack, officials speculate that the Canadians decided America was a threat to world peace, and decided to stop us. Suddenly, we must fund a war on our own soil, this diverting money from our many interests abroad. In addition, the United States depends on Canada for many different rea- sons, such as oil, natural gas and natural resources. Canada exports over half of their natu- ral gas and oil production to the United States. Without this resource, we will have to dis- cover new methods of obtaining oil. We will also have to avoid drilling in Alaska, as any way to get oil from Alaska to the con- tiguous United States involves going through Canadian terri- tory. There are those however, who say we should have invaded Canada first. All of the reasons we invaded Iraq are applicable to Canada. Canada has just proven that they have WMDs, and they have the capabilities to create these weapons on a larger scale, conforming to the definition set forth by the UN. Canada produced a large num- ber of biological warfare during both World Wars, and there is no evidence that they have ceased their research in that area since that time. What is to prevent, them from releasing these viruses and infections on the'American populace. Another reason Canada is dangerous is that Canada har- bors terrorists. Granted, they may not be many. In fact, we have trouble finding them. But we know they are there. Fif- teen known terrorists have been arrested trying to get into the United States from Canada^ since 1995. In addition, the bor- der* between the United States and Canada is rather lax. 4,121 miles of border is a lot of land to patrol, and frankly, neither na- tion has the personnel to do it. And so, every year, terrorists, not to mention illegal immi- grants, can get into Canada and sneak across the border into the United States. President Bush has stated multiple times that we will not support any nation~~ that harbors terrorists, and that he considers any nation that harbors terrorists a hostile re- gime. By not actively scouring the Canadian population for ter- rorist, and of course by blowing up Buffalo, Canada has become a hostile regime. While the events contained within this column are in fact false (I promise, downtown Buf- falo has not actually been de- stroy by a Canadian missile) they are in fact cause for con- cern. The majority of reasons given to the American people for the invasion of Iraq can be ap- plied to Canada with a little bit of creative editing. If these rea- sons can be applied to arguably one of the most peaceful nations on the planet, how strong can they possibly be? Subscribe to The Hill News You or your loved ones off campus can have The Hill News delivered to them each week. Please clip out this slip and attach $20 cash, or check to The Hill News and return it to: Mr. Shawn Mayo-Pike The Hill News - Editor-in-Chief 1617 CMR - St. Lawrence University Canton, NY 13617 Title • — Name Street Address City Zip State