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Fort Covington sun. (Fort Covington, N.Y.) 1934-1993, October 11, 1934, Image 5

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IMC SUN, FT. COVING TOM. K. T. The KENNEL MURDER CASE BY SL S- Van » SYNOPSIS Olne Copyright by W. H. Wright WNUSanrie* Pbilo .Vance, crime expert, is called to Investigate the supposed suicide of Archer Coe. With District Attorney Markham, he goes to Coe's house. They find Wrede. a friend of Coe's. there; also Slgnor Grassl, a guest The door of the death chamber Is bolted from the inside. They force It. Coe is seated, a revolver in bis right hand and a outlet hole in his temple. He is clothed in a dressing gown, but wears street shoes. Markhsm thinks it is suicide. Vaoee says It is murder. Medical Ex- aminer Doremu8 declares Coe had been dead for hours when the bullet entered his nead. A wound, made by a dagger. Is found on the body, and there is proof tbat Coe was fully dressed when he was stabbed. The investigators find a wounded Scotch terrter in a room .»f the Coe house. Vance declares the animal will prove an important con- necting link. Gamble says Brisbane Co*, Archer's o rot her. left for Chicago the previous afternoon. CHAPTER III—Continued \He wasn't in Chicago at that time, sir,\ Gamble explained. \He was en route, so co speak. Be took the five- thirty train from the Grand Central last evening.\ \How do you know Mr. Coe took the five-thirty train?\ Gamble looked perplexed. \I didn't exactly see him off, sir,\ he replied, after blinking several times. *But ! phoned for the reservations, And packed his suitcase, and got him a taxi.\ \What time did he leave the bouse?\ -A tlttte before five, sir.\ Vance roused himself from apparent lethargy. \I say, Ganbie,\—he spoke without looking up—\when did Mr. Brisbane decide on his Jaunt to Chicago?\ The butler turned his bead toward Vance io mild surprise. \Why not until after four o'clock. It was a rather sudden decision, sir— or so it seemed to me. He generally plans on his Chicago trips the day be- fore.\ M Ah!\ Vance raised his eyes lan- guidly. \Does he make many trips to Chicago?\ \About one a month, I should say. sir.\ \Do yon know what the attraction la tn Chicago?\ \Not exactly, sir. But several times 1 have beard him discussing the meet- ings there of some learned society. My impression is that be goes to Chi- cago to attend them.\ \Yes quite reasonable. . . . Queer chap, Brisb*ae,\ Vance mused. \He's interested in all sorts of out-of-the- way subjects. ... So he made a sudden decision to migrate west after four o'ciock yesterday, and departed before eve. . . . Most interestinV . . . And now, Gamble, think care- fully before you answer. Did you no- tice anything unusual in Mr. Brisbane Coe's manner last evening?\ ' The man gave a slight start. His gaze turned quickly to Vance, and he swallowed twice before answering. \I did, sir—so help me God, I did! He was not altogether himself. He's usually very calm and even-going. But before he left here he seemed distract- ed and—and fidgety. And he did a most peculiar thing, sir, before he left the house:—he shook hands with Mr. Archer. I've never seen him Shake hands with Mr. Archer before. And he said 'Good-by, brother/ It was most peculiar, for he has never, to my knowledge, called Mr. Archer by any- thing but his first name.\ \As I understand it, when Mr. Bris- bane had gone you and Mr. Archer were left alone in the house.\ \Why yes, sir.\ The man was breathing heavily: all of his ob- sequiousness had departed. \But I only stayed long enough to prepare Mr. Archer's sapper. . . * -Aod left Mr. Archer aloner \Yes 1 He was sifting in the library downstairs reading.\ \And where did yen go and how dis- port yourself T Gamble leaned forward earnestly. \I had dinner, and then I went to a motion picture.\ \And what other servants are there in the house r For some reason the man breathed a deep sigh of relief. \There's only two, sir. beside my- self.\ His voice was steadier now. \The Chinese cook—\ \Ah a Chinese coo*, eh? How long has he been here?\ \Only a few months.\ \Go on.\ s \Then there's Miss Lake's personal maid. And that's all. sir.\ \When did the cook and Miss Lake's maid leave the house yesterday?\ \Right after lunch. ^That's the usual order on Wednesdays, sir.\ \And when did they return r \Late last night I myself came in at eleven. I was Just retiring—about midnight, I should say, sir—when i heard ihe.cook soeak in.\ Vance's eyebrows went op. \Sneak?\ \He always sneaks, sit. He's very sly and tricky and—and devious, sir— 4f you know what H mean.\ \<P*ob*bt? ids oriental upbringing,\ remarked «f l\» casually, with a faint smile. \Tefafee Is it usual for the servants tf*&ay out late Wednes- days?\ \Yes sir.\ \Then if anyone were familiar with the domestic arrangements here, he would .know that be could count on the jbeuse being, free from servants Wednesday nights.\ \That's right, sir.\ Vance smoked thoughtfully a mo- ment Then; \Do you know at what hoar Miss Lake and Mr. Grass! came in last aightr *I couldn't say, sir.\ Gamble shot Vance a curious look from the corner of his eye. \But it must have been •ery late. It was after one o'clock be- fore I went to sleep, and neither of tfeea bad returned at tbat time.\ \Mr. Grass! has a key to the bouse?\ \Yea sir.\ \How long bas Mr. Grass! been Mr. Coe's guest?\ \It was a week yesterday.\ Vance was silent for a moment There was the suggestion of a frown on his forehead; and I knew that something was troubling him. With- out change of expression be put an apparently irrelevant question to Gam- ble. \Did you, by. any chance, see Mr. Archer Coe after you returned to the house last night?\ \No—I didn't see him, sir.\ There was a slight hesitancy In the reply, and Vance looked toward the man quickly. \Come come, Gamble,\ he admon- ished severely, \What's on your mind?\ \Well sir—it's really nothing; bm when I went up to bed I noticed tbat the library doors were open and that the lights were on. I thought of course, tbat Mr. Archer was still In the library. And then I noticed the light tn Mr. Archer's bedroom here, through the keyhole, and I took it for granted that be had retired. So I went back to the library and turned out the lights and shut the doors.\ \You heard no sound in here?\ \No ate* Vance yawned mildly. \By the by, there's a question I for- got to ask. Did Mr. Brisbane Coe take a walking stick with him when he set forth for Chicago?\ 'Yes, sir. He never goes anywhere without a stick. He's subject to rheu- matism—\ \So he's told me a score of times. . . And what kind of stick did he take with him?\ \His ivory-headed stick, sir. It's his favorite. . . .\ \The one with a crooked handle and the carvings?\ - \Yes sir.\ \You're quite sure, are you, that he took this particular stick with him to Chicago?\ \Positive. I handed it to him my- self at the door of the taxicab.\ Vance kept his eyes on the man, and stood up. He walked very deliberately to where Gamble sat, and looked down at him searchingly. \Gamble spoke pointedly— \did you see Mr. Brisbane Coe in this house after you returned last night?\ The butler went white, and his lips began to tremble. The question was so unexpected that even I received a distinct shock from it Markham hah* rose in his chair, and Heath froze into a startled attitude, bis cigar half raised to his lips. Gamble cringed be- neath Vance's steady gaze. \No sir—no, sir!\ he cried. \Honest to God, I didn't! I would have told you if I had.\ Vance shrugged and turned away. \Still he was here last night\ \What's back of that remark?' Markham demanded. \How do yon know Brisbane Coe was here last night?\ \Very simple: his ivory-headed stick is hanging over the back of one of the chairs in the lower balL\ CHAPTER IV The Missing Han and the Ting Yao Vase. There was a momentary tense silence. Vance's statement with the possibilities it suggested, threw a pal] of vague horror over all of us. Un- steadily Gamble rose, and bracing him- self with one hand on the back of his chair, glared at Vance like a man who bad seen a malignant specter. \You—are sure you saw the stick, sir?\ he stammered, with a hideous contortion of the face. \I didn't see it And Mr. Brisbane never hangs his stick over the hall chair. He always puts it in the umbrella stand. Maybe some one else—\ \Who but Mr. Brisbane himself would bring that stick back to the -How Oo You Know Mr. Coe Took the Five-thirty Tralnr bouse and bang it over a chair In the balir \But Mr. Vance, sir,\ the man per- sisted In an awed tone, \he onee repri- manded DM for hanging it over a chair —be said It might fall and gee* broken. Why, sir, should he hang it over the chairr \Less noisy, perhaps, than chucking it Into a brass umbrella bolder.\ Markham was leaning over the desk scowling at Vance. \What do you mean by that?\ be demanded. Vance lifted bis eyes slowly and let them rest on the district attorney. \I opine, my dear Markham,\ be said slowly, \that brother Brisbane didn't want anyone to hear him when he returned here last night Be started for'\Chicago oo a night' when he knew no one but Archer would be home. And then he missed bis trail to speak euphemistically. He returned to the house—with bis stick. And here's bis stick .... but no Bris- bane. And Archer—the sole occupant of this cluttered domicile last night- has gone to his Maker in most outland- ish fashion.\ \Good G—d, Vance!\ Markham sank back In his ctair. \You don't mean that Brisbane—I\ \Tut tut! There you go jumping at conclusions again. . .,. \ Vance began walking up and down, his hands sunk deep tn his coat pockets. \I can understand Brisbane's presence here last night\ he murmured as if to him- self, \but I can't understand the pres- ence of his stick bere this morning. It's very curious—it doesn't fit Into the picture. Even If be had not taken the Lake Shore Limited to Chicago, there were other trains later on.\ Heath took his cigar from his mouth. ^ \How do yotr know the Mrt didnT take another train—that is, supposing he'd missed the Lake Shore Limited?\ \By the stick in the lower hall, Ser- geant\ \Couldnt a guy forget his stick?\ \Not Brisbane Coe—and certainly not in the circumstances. . . . m What circumstances?\ cut in Mark- ham. * \That's what I dont know exactly.\ Vance made a wry face. \But I begin to see a method in all this seeming madness; and that stick downstairs stands out like some terrible and ac- cusing error. ...\ , He stopped abruptly, and suddenly swinging about went toward the door. \I'll be back in a minute. There's a possibility. . . .\ He passed swift- ly into the halL Heath looked disgustedly at Mark- ham. If you ask me,\ he submitted sur- lily, \I think Mr. Vance is leaning too heavily on that stick. We've only got this guy's word\—he jerked his thumb toward Gamble—\that he took It with him in the first place.\ Markham made no comment Presently Vance returned to the room, smoking abstractedly. His face was crestfallen. 'He's not there,\ he announced. \I thought Brisbane might be in his room. But the shades are up; and the bed hasn't been slept in; and the lights are out\ He sat down wearily. 'His room's empty.\ The sergeant planted himself in front of Vance. \Look here, Mr. Vance, even If he did miss the Lake Shore Limited, he's probably on his way to Chicago. Any- body might forget a stick. His suit- case ain't here—\ Vance leaped to his feet \The suitcase—that's It! What would he have done with the suitcase if he had not taken the early train and had intended to go on to Chicago later. . . . ?\ \He have checked it in the sta- tion, wouldn't he?\ 'Exactly!\ Vance wheeled to Gam- ble. \Describe that suitcase.\ \It was quite an ordinary case, sir,\ the man replied in a dazed tone. \Black sealskin, leather lined, with rounded corners and the initials 'B. C in gtfld letters on one end.\ Vance turned back to Heath. \Can you check on that in the par- cel room at the station, Sergeant? It's mportant\ •Sure I can.\ He beckoned Snitkin with a Jerk of the bead. \Got the dope?\ The detective ginnned. T \H—1 yes,\ he rumbled. \A cinch.\ \Then hop to it\ ordered Heath. 'And phone me pronto. . . . Make it snappy.** Snitkin disappeared. \Where do you think Brisbane Coe fits into this affair?\ Markham asked Vance. \There has always been bad blood between Archer and Brisbane, for some reason. Fve never understood it ... By the by, maybe Miss Lake could enlighten us while we're wait- Ing for Snitkin's calL ... I say, Gamble; ask the young lady to be good enough to join us here.\ The butler went out and five min- utes later Hilda Lake came swinging into the room. \Sorry to have kept you waiting and all the usual amenities,\ she said, sitting down and crossing her knees; \but I hadn't quite finished doffing my golf togs when the far-from admirable Crichton summoned me. Anyway, I should be furious with you. Why was I denied my muffins and tea?\ Vance apologized. \We've been using Gamble a bit intensively. Gamble, take tea and muffins to Miss Lake's quarters.\ The man, who had been standing in the door, bowed and disappeared; and Vance turned pleasantly back to Miss Lake. \By the time your breakfast is ready we will let you return to yonr rooms.\ Then he added with a serious mien. \There are a few questions we'd like you to answer. What was the cause of the animosity between Archer and Brisbane Coe?\ \Oh that!\ A cynical smile curled her lips. \Money—nothing else. Old Major Coe left everything to Uncle Archer. Uncle Brisbane bad only an allowance—until Uncle Archer should die. Then the money was to go to him. The situation naturally irked him, and he got pretty nasty about It at times. It amused me no end,—I was in the same predicament The fact is, Tve often been tempted to make an alliance with Uncle Brisbane for the purpose of murdering Uncle Archer. Together we could have got away with It don't yon think T \I'm sore you could—even alone And now some one has killed Uncle Archer for yon.\ I'm sure it's my reward for vir- tue.\ Though her tone was hard, there was an undercurrent of bitter passion in it \Or perhaps,\ she added, \Uncle Brisbane went ahead on his own.\ \That might bear looking Into,\ smiled Vance. \The only difficulty Is that Gamble tells as Mr. Brisbane bopped to Chicago at, five-thirty last evening.\ \That doesn't mean anything. Uncle Brisbane bas dabbled enough in crim- inology to prepare a perfect alibi In the event he himself contemplated a flutter in crime,\ -What tatferfcfa rtllesr periodical trips to Chicago?\ Vance asked. Hilda Lake shrugged. \Heaven knows. He never men- tioned the matter to me and I never asked.\ She leaned forward. \Per- haps it's a tadyl\ she exclaimed In a taunting tone. \If be told anyone, that person was Uncle Archer. And I'm afraid It's too late to get any In formation from that quarter now.\ \Yes a bit too late,\ agreed Vance. \But let us suppose that after Mr. Brisbane announced bis intention of going to Chicago last evening, be re- mained in New York all night What would you say to that?\ \In that case you may eliminate Uncle Brisbane as a suspect He's much too smooth and canny to leave any such loopholes. If * he v planned a A Cynical Smite Curled Her Lips. \Money—Nothing Else.\ murder, Tm sure he'd arrange it so as to escape detection.\ She paused momentarily. \Did Uncle Brisbane remain In New York last njght?\ \I don't know,\ Vance responded candidly. \I was merely indulging in suppositions.\ 'How clever of you!\ There was a steely look In her eyes. At this moment Gamble passed the door on his way upstairs, with a small covered serving-tray in his hands. Vance stood up. , \Ah! There are your muffins, Miss Lake. 1 shan't keep you any longer.\ \Thanks awfully.\ She rose and went quickly from the room. Vance stood at the door until Gam- ble returned from the third floor, and ordered him to wait 1n the lower hall. When the man had gone below, he glanced at his watch and strolled back into the room. \I'd rather not go on till we hear from Snitkin. Do you mind waiting, Markhara?\ 'Have it your own way,\ Markham grumbled., \BujM[ can't see the im- portance of the suitcase. There's small probability, it seems to me, of its being at the station. And in the event it isn't there, we will be no better off than we are now.\ \On the other hand,\ Vance re- turned, 'If it is at the station, we may conclude that Brisbane did not go to Chicago last night But I'm quite' sure he Intended to go. And If he didn't go, something unexpected kept him here.\ \Bat his being in New York doesn't connect him with Archer Coe's mur- der.\ \Certainly not ... But Markham, that last-minute decision of Brisbane's to get out of town had some connec- tion with Archer's death—I'm sure of that He knew something—or feared something. Or perhaps. . . . But anyway, he intended to go to Chi- cago last night *And maybe he did go ... but I want to be sure.\ The phone rang. Heath answered It and after listening for several min- utes, replaced the receiver on the hook. \The suitcase is^there, all-right\ be announced. \The bird at the window says a middle-aged nervous guy checked It around six last night say- ing he'd missed his train—and he was shaking so he could hardly lift the bag'to the counter.\ Vance nodded slowly. \I was afraid of that—and yet I was hoping it wasn't so. Markham, I don't like this situation; I don't at all like it Something unforeseen has happened: unforeseen—and sinister. It wasn't on the cards. .Brisbane Coe intended to go to Chicago last night —and he didn't go. Some terrible thing stopped him. . . . And some- thing stopped Archer Coe before he could change his shoes. . . . Don't you see what I mean? Those shoes of Archer's—and that stick of Brisbane'?. />. That stick!—in the front hall! It shouldn't have been there. . . . Oh, my precious aunt! . . .\ He threw his cigarette into a tray, and hurried toward the door. \Come . . , Come, Ser- geant There's something hideous in this house . . . and I don't want to go alone.\ As he spoke, he ran down the stairs, Markham and Heath and I following. When he had reached the lower ball be pulled the portieres aside and opened the library door. He looked round him, and then passed into the dining room. After several minutes' search, he re- turned to the halt .*• \Maybe the den,\ be said; and hur- rying through the drawing room, where Wrede and Grass! sat near the window, he went Into the small room at the rear. But be came back at once, a bewildered look in his eyes. \Not there.\ His tone was unnat- ural. \But he's somewhere—some- where. . . .*• He came again Into the front halL **He wouldn't be on the third floor, and he's not on the second. There's bis stick.\ be said; \but big bat and topcoat. . . . Oh, what a fool Vvn been!\ He brushed Gamble out of bis way, aod walked swiftly down the narrow corridor along the stairs nnttl he cam** to the closet door at the* rear of the ball. \Your flashlight, Sergeant,\ he called over Lis shoulder. TO BB CONTINUED. The Little Wooden Cube T HE prefect of Prague was taking a stroll one day when he was set upon by three men and badly beaten. There is no doubt that the men in- tended to murder him, but he was a strong and courageous person and he gave them such a battle that they final- ly took to their heels and ran away. The prefect not only lived, but he determined to find his assailants and see that they were punished, if It re- quired the remainder of his natural life. , The men had come at him so sud- denly and he was forced to fight so hard that he did not get a good look at any one of the trio. But there were two little clews that gave the detectives something to work upon. One was the odor of musk. The other was a gray glove that lay on the sidewalk. The prefect of police called all of his men together and showed them the, glove. f He directed them tb visit every glove factory in the country and also every establishment where gloves were likely to be sold, in the hope of finding the mate to that gray glove. It seemed like a hopeless quest but eventually they found the factory where that kind of glove was manu- factured. There they secured a list of the shop- keepers who sold such gloves at retail, and finally as the result of almost su- perhuman patience they located a man named Emil Dressier who owned the glove. He was shadowed for some days be- cause the police wanted tb be sure of their man before they placed him un- der arrest. While this was going on he discov- ered that he wi took alarm. . i For fiv^jgr from his -fflF : At the<1&. Ing thatliP V \•£•-%•*- **.•£ • trailed and & ISaed away '•'•&; think- .^^he.re- But thgp& : ^il-his room an 1raff£er;\. ^^.de- manding admtttaa^v,' '* V'/^Jpif;-* \It's all up, Dress^^T^'.' • ^P°-, liceman. ^^L'¥^^.- \Your place~ Is completep^^/, '^W* ed and I call on you to suirfcv^-\^$i \All right\ he replied, in Wfe^^ji voice; \if you will give me a nfBattr I'll do as you wish.\\ . ^^ The Officer waited with all-concealed Impatience, and just when he was about to pound on the door again he was startled by the loud report of a pistoL He burst in the door. On the floor lay the dead body of Emil Dressier, holding a smoking pis- tol in his right hand. The prefect of police was summoned and he made a careful search of the premises. In a bureau drawer he located the missing glove—the mate to the one that had been found on the sidewalk on the day he was assaulted. ?Ou a table was a partly finished let- ter which the suicide had been writ- ing to his mother. In it he confessed that he belonged to a secret society which was pledged to wipe out the heads of the govern- ment They had begun, he said, by trying to kill the prefect of police. But he was at bay now and would be compelled to quit with his work unfinished. This was not all, for In a hiding place was discovered a little wooden cube, with the letter \A\ inscribed on its side. It was evident that the members of the organization drew lots when it came time to assassinate a ruler, and that the little cube was the notifica- tion that had been sent to Dressier. That same day a man was arrested while In the act of assaulting a man- ufacturer of Prague. ^ . >• He had about him the odor of mask, and in his pocket was found one of the little wooden cubes with the letter \A\ upon i t He was given the third degree and made a confession implicating\ a num- ber of other men In the city. They were vowed to overthrow the government and to set up a Red repub- lic. All of the papers and paraphernalia were found and a trap set for the ring- leaders. That night nineteen of them were arrested. Some were executed and others im- prisoned for life, but the net result was to nip In the bud the movement for the Red republic. WOT Service. Shared Napoleon's Exile Four Important personages shared Napoleon's exile—Bertrand, Montho- lon, Las Cases, and Gourgaud. In lesser capacities; Marchand, Capriana, and Santini were also with Napoleon. The household of Bonaparte consist- ed of 51 persons, of whom nine, in- cluding four children, formed the suite of the emperor, the others being serv- ants. Sir Hudson Lowe was the em- peror's guardian on the island. The \Bouquet\ on a Bmlding \Putting the bouquet\ on a building Is a phrase that translates the name for a European festival in which the architects, contractors and workmen celebrate the laying of the final stone —symbolic of the completion of all the rough work—by putting above the finished roof a whole fir tree. Wonderful Nature Nature gives to every time and sea- son some beauties of its own; and from morning .to night as from the cradle to the grave, Is but a succes- sion of changes so gentle and easy that we can scarcely mark their •prog- ress.—Dickens. Ancient Anchor Found Believed to have once belonged to a galley of the old naval republic of Pisa, a 12-foot anchor was found re- cently off the coast of Italy near Leg- born, BRISBANE . THIS What You Read You Are She Is Lonely Yes, Money Does Count The President's Broadca** The whole country follows the \Hauptmann case,\ dealing with Che Lindbergh kidnaping. Newspapers have increased circulation since Haupt- mann s arrest. This proves that citi- zens, able to get along without ordi- nary news of national and international affairs, cannot do without the Lind- bergh kidnap news. The East reads about the \Bobby\ Edwards case, that of a young man ac- cused of killing a girl, Freda UcKech- nle—knocking her on the head and drowning her when he tired of her. Others are much Interested in the case of a woman with a well known name and a quarrel about control aod possession of a child, heiress to several millions. Foreign princes, plain Amer- ican drunkenness, many unpleasant de-' tails, are dragged into the story. A considerable crowd finds that interest- ing. Tbat judge's decision will be in- teresting. Future historians will know what we were by reading the \news stftries\ that interested us. Mrs. Eva Coo, whom reporters choose to call \Little Eva\ Coo, now in the women's wing of the death bouse of Sing Sing prison, convicted of murder- ing a man whose life she had insured, add waiting to be electrocuted, makes a statement. It has nothing to do with the here-* after, death's uncertainty or its mean- ing, the horror of the electric chair. The statement says: '1 like company. I am so lonesome I don't know what to ds.\ > Only a few weeks to live, the elec- tric chair and all that is on the other side of that chair just aheaa* of her, and Mrs. Coo's strongest Impression is that she likes company. We are a gregarious race, and ab- sence of imagination Is a great help if you must be electrocuted. Does money make a difference in the United States? It made some dif- ference when, in Foley Square, oppo- site New York's Supreme court build- ing, six rather old men were arrested charged with \vagrancy.\ One of them, sixty-four years old, who gave a name not his own, was found with bank books showing that he owned $6,000, safe? In the bank. The magistrate \suspended sentence\ on the $6,000 vagrant. He was riot even fined. Five others that had no money were fined $10 each and sent to jail for ten days when they did not pay. There is a text lor some budding Communist orator. Some call President Roosevelt's broadcast \crumbs of comfort,\ thrown to \the right,\ where dwell big Indus- trialists, disgruntled financiers and other sad conservatives. It is taken as \hitherto shalt, thou go and no farther, and here shall thy proud waves be stayed,\ addressed to on-rushing \radicalism.\ The President's broadcast proves that gentlemen were mistaken who said the President intends to do away with \profits making private enterprise an obedient unit In the new system of society. The address means to op- timistic conservatives that the New Deal desires only to be \helpful\ to private enterprise, not choke it But private enterprise must be good, and. with the New Deal, keep Its eye OD the ulitmate happiness of the many. If you buy whisky it is wise to buy a bra,nd that you know. In New York, this year, government agents seized 100,000 cases of \queer\ whisky, in eluding 15,000 cases of \Scotch\ whis ky made tn America, with one-eighth Scotch to make it taste \smoky the rest being sherry, glucose, and home made alcohol. The old game for children was \Put- ton, button, who's got the button?\ The new game for grownups is, \Dol- lar, dollar, who's got the dollar, and how shall we tax it?\ New York city, seeking $17,000,000 a month now, more later, for welfare relief, has already put a tax on income taxes. To \tax a tax 1 ' is a new idea. If only deficits could be taxed, the problem would be.easy. Secretary Wallace suspects, and farmers will be glad to hear it tha,t **an ignorant, tmscrupulous\ political attempt will be made this fall to make ' the government lend 75 cents a bushel on corn and $1 additional on wheat If Mr. Wallace's fears are realized the \new frontiers,\ as regards United States finance, will be as wide as the Milky Way and as high as the blue star Vega. H. H. Rung, intelligent Chinese statesman, finance minister, tells Sec- retary Morgenthau that he would real ly and truly like to know what the United States means -to do about silver. Also, since this country Is anxious fer silver, China will sell us all she has. taking gold In exchange. Bret Harte. considering that Chinese statesman, might add a verse to bis description of Ah Sin. who possessed \a smile that was childlike and bland.* ©. Kin* Features Syndicate, Inc. WNU Service. Largest National Park Jasper National park, on the west- ern fringe of the province of Alberta, has the distinction of being the larg- est national park In the world. Its borders inclose 4,400 square miles of territory' all of It situated In the heart of the Canadian Rocky mountains. Crater 600 Feet Deep Two Itussians. who scaled Avach, a •o tea no 8,160 feet high, In Kamchat- ka, crossed a barrier of snow and found the flory rrnter. 450 tn 000 feet deep and a mile in circumference. Funny Side ICE TO THE ESKIMOS Voice over phone—Are you the blankety-blank-blank safes manager who sent tbat salesman to my office to sell your blankety— Sales Maaetw—Ye« r yes, buf, my dear man, way—! Voice—Well, I gave orders to all of my staff to admit no one to my private office, and your man was so persistent that they were forced to get a gun - Sales Manager—My goodness, man, they didn't shoot him, did they? Voice—No, but my bookkeeper wants his gun back.—Niagara Falls Review*. fiASFISHITIS **You say your husband is very nerv- ous?\ .^•Yes, he shakes like a jellyfish.\ Seemed Like a Good Idea \I hear you installed a gasoline pump in front of your store,\ said he to the local grocer. \Yes. And what a dumb ox I was!\ exclaimed the grocer. \Why dumb?\ he asked. \Because replied the grocer, \none of the people who owe me money for food has the nerve to come to my place and pay cash for gas while add- ing to his grocery bill.\ Promoter Two college girls were having lunch together. \My dear,\ said one, \why do you always mil your mother 'the mater'?\ \Because answered the other girl, \she managed to find husbands for all my seven sisters.\ Answer Teacher—Can anyone tell me the meaning of the word collision?' No one knows? Well, it is when two things come together unexpectedly. Now, can anyone give me an example? Johnny—Twins I An Observant Child \Mamma I must have a new dress for aay d#l.\ \Why \dear?\ \'Cause I quarreled with her, and now that we've made up I must give her a new dress.\ Seeking Seclusion The Waiter—Yes'm. Double portion boiled dinner, two dozen corn on the cob. French pastry, ice cream, an' pot tea. Anything mftre, lady? The Plump Person—Yes. You may put a screen around my table. That Won't Prove Anything * Gloria—Was your uncle's mind vig- orous and sane up to the last? Harold—I don't know. The will won't be read until tomorrow. BAD ENOUGH \Anything serious at your house? I saw the doctor call' every day this week.\ \Serious I I should say so, he called to collect a bill.\ Difficult Indeed \And how are you getting on, Mrs. Mumble?\ \Not too well, Mrs. Grumble. My poor husband has had a parallel stroke and we are having a time making both ends meet.\ No Sign of a Breakdown Disgusted Parent—How much longer do you expect me to go on supporting yoot Son—Well, father, you know you are in the pink of condition. Safe \Hard work never killed anybody,\ said the father. \TV&t's just the trouble, dad,\ re- turned the son. \I want to engage in something that has the spice of danger in it\ Their Worry \Able have you done anything about that blackhand tetter?\ \Oh ain't I, though? I turned It over to my Insurance company. They got $20,000 tied op In me—let them worry.\ Hard Work \What's the hardest work you have to do?\ \My most difficult task at present,\ answered Senator Sorghum, \Is to smile and look pleasant every time a man with a camera shows up.\ r Com* Over on Oar Side \Mr. Chairman,\ said ttte speaker, \there are so many ribald Interruptions I can searTiy hear myself HpH.ikln^.\ \Chwr up. KuVnor.\ Mid it voiitj. •foe ain't mtwln' much!\

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