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The Gilboa monitor. (Gilboa, N.Y.) 1878-1918, December 19, 1878, Image 1

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Persistent link: http://nyshistoricnewspapers.org/lccn/sn84031659/1878-12-19/ed-1/seq-1/

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MIRON BINGS, Editor. A LOCAL JOURNAL, DEVOTED TO THE w p u r r s P A T R O N S . TERMS—$1.00 PER VOL. 1 GILBOA, SCHOHARIE CO., N. Y., DECEMBER 19,1878. NO. 28; The Gilboa Monitor. I ' * >; PUBLISHED EVERYTHTTOSp MORNlNQ. M. DINGS. Editor. to j - ADVERTISING RATES. space.' [ lw. | 2w. f 1m. | 3m. | Cm. | 1 Inclq 1 ” o 4CoL 1 yj}. r>oc. 7oc. 1.25, ' 2 . 00 , 3.50, 1 . 00 . 1.50, 2 . 00 , 2.50, 4.50, 1.50, 2 . 00 , 3.00, 4.00, 7.00, 2 . 2 r», 3.50. -LOO, 6 . 00 , 10.00 4.00, o.fro,; 8 . 00 , 16.00 7.00, 10.00 12.00 i$roo lo.oo I yeab . 5.00,~ 8 ; 00 , 12M0, 10 . 00 , 30.00, so. oo, Terms, Cash, Qnarterlyin jAdvance. || t t £ W f s s ;§ i h * £ r i a i g . J. I. JACKSON, ATTORNEY and COUNSELLOR & LAW. . * j V\. 1. n o v n n r i i E l i BY ALICE CARY. W. L. BAKDWIN, t ATTORNEY and COUNSELLOR at LAW, G i i b o d , N. Y. : 1: > *-1 5 -- W m . II A G A D ORN, Physician and Surgedn. Office oposit of the Hotel, Gilboa, N. Y. P. J . ZJCH, M, IX s', ^ >? Office at his Residence, third house above The M. E ; ■ Church, Gilboa, N. Y. OR. I. H. BENJAMIN, OAK (BILL, G bbene C ounty C N. Y. At the Old Place Lower End Church Street. J . ■ l l t f FRANK BALDWIN, M. D., O ak H ill , Greene County, N. Y. S€5~Office, near the Post Office.; . itf ..., J. T1RBUSH, Shop; in the Cleveland Building. lln 6 m ' G e o r g e C. F a c e , - . ' i » J i l a c f c s m i f I t . Shop, foot of. Church street, Gilboa, N. Y. LUMA2s RUED, D E A L E R IN f' 4/-. f'l, >_?->■ y \ ’ - * 'i V 1 V ■\ ■ !. T * GILBOA, N.~ Y. IRON CL.4D MILK FINS, ' A -PREMIUM PANS OF AMERICA Send lor Catalogue Price List, GEO. C. SHALER, Manufacturer, Gilboa, If. Y« R. Irnqlb, MAM, BOOT & O ak H ill , GUbkins C o . N. Y. Repairing neatly dope. itf l DENTISTRY! D. F. Wilcox, M.I). S, CATSKILL, 2T. V. Office in the SeHect ^Building. I l l y ' . X 5 3 E ^ T X C 3 - C 3 - X S ,r , GILBOA, N. Y. 28A Dr. H.L\ Whitheck, ±>iE33srx,x s ,r c j G R E N V I L L E , N .' Y. O ffice O pposite G reenville H ouse . Gas, Ether and Ehlo-rof&rm, given in Ex- ■' , trading Teeth. be a t Cairn, a t w a iters Bro ’s Hotel, from 9. a. m., till 4 p. m4 Fridays w ill attend to calls a t private residences. Persons wishing my services will please inform me by postal, and I will attend promptly. TheTeaves are fading and falling, The winds are rpugh and wild, The birds have ceaised their calling, But let me tell you, my child, Though day b y day, as it closes, Both darker and colder grow, The roots of the bright red roses Will keep alive in the snow. And when the winter is over, The boughs will get new leaves, The quail come back to the clover, The swallow go back to the eaves; The robin will wear on his bosom The vest that is bright and new, And the liveliest way-side blossom Will shine with the sun and dew. The leaves to-day are whirling, The brooks are all dry and dumb ; But let me tell you, my darling, The Spring will be sure to come. Thejre must be rough, cold weather* And winds and rain so wild ; ‘ ^ Not all good things together, Come to us here, my child! / So, when some dear joy loses Its beauteous Summer glow, Think how the roots of the roses Are kept alive in the snow! Entertaining the Pastor. “ Here’s a go muttered John Sanseript under his breath last Saturday, as he poked up the fire in the. parlor grate— “ here's a go, as sure as shootiii’! The ol’ woman gone an.? invited her minister to dinner; and\' I’m to entertain him, when he comes, while she dishes up the hash. , ‘ ‘May Old Nick fly away with all the preachers!” And San- script kicked the cat through the doorway with such force tkat-tb,e poor creajaire dislo­ cated two of its teeth by conoussion with the wainscoting on the opposite side of the h a h ,, Puss slunk away licking her bleeding chops, and'wondering whether’’the house had fallen on anybody else ; while Sanseript banged the chairs and , continued his soliloquy: Now, I ain’t used to preachers, and no doubt I’ll maife a muss’Of it.T \ I'd sdofieiT s ^ * * '-V** corns on the hihd foot of a mule, or comb the mane of Uncle John Robinson’s boss lion than entertain a minister. What will the old duffer want to talk about, I wonder ? r' * f < . If he slyigs Any Bible conundrums a tide Fim lost. I never did take much stock in the Bible. I don’t hold a Very strong hand in religious learning, and preachers have? such a knack of setting up the deck, that they deal themselves a full hand every time. Wonder, now, if I could stand, pat, and bluff the old snoozc-r on ace high. Since I come to think of it, I ’m not so ignorant after all? It has been a long while since I went ,%o Sunday schdol, but I recollect some of .the prize stories we learned there. “Let’s see ’ —and Sanseript sat down to think. So in- tent was his mind rummaging around inj his brain for the dusty lore of his Sunday school days that he had never noted tlqie factthat he had sat upon his wife’s $20 F$l£: bqphgti, * ■ , A\.* i ' ¥I . \ . -. * which she-had carelessly left lying upon the sofa. “ LstVsee, now,” mused John, tap­ ping his forehead. : “ ‘There .'was something „ about Bahiel going to tkezoologicaF gar­ den and falling into the, bear pit, or' gef- ■ting bjt by a camel—I forget, just the nature of BanV accident. Then what was the. tough yarn about some little Jew boys wjio weije thrown into tbe fumace of a rolling mill and came out Without singeing their eyebrow's ? Oh, yes: 5 Wasn’t it Goiinh who licked 20 , 000,000 Indians with the jaw-bOne, of a miiie, and then sat down and bawled- because there wasn’t any more left ? Never mind, I ’ll give the old hoodlum a pretty good tussle, I reckon; and if I don’t raise him right out of the pot on the first deal it’ll be because I lack gall.r I t becomes me to be agreeable to him anyhow, because Mrsw San- scriptfsaid if I made a jgocd impression on him she wouldn’t insist on a new seal-skin sacq ie this Winter—and seal-skin sacqoes don*c. grow on trees. There goes the beiL I’ll b et ten red ones that’g him. Sanseript smoothed his .ruffled hair with a few strokes of his hands, cleared his throat pulled down his vest, walked but into the * hall, and opened the door. A pale; eadav- |erous.- 10 oking; young .man, with long hair. Watery eyes; high cheek bones, large mouth, jRoman nose, and clad in a shiny black suit, .bowed and )smiled At. the master of the house 'most benignlyi - Under his arm he carried a ; ilarge book,\ which Sanseript thought; of course*was a Bible, or sc&na large work on theology. Grasping the visitor by the hand, L«Iohn drew him iato- the hallway with a cord­ ial ntent, and, cqffiJnuing . to 'squeeze and shake,'said-:.. \ • “ My d e a r• sir, H ue is indeed a pleasure- We’ve been expecting you. Come right into the parlor.” j With' bewilderment written all over his face, the young man tactily followed. “ Have- this chair by the fire., Give me your hah Mrsi Sanseript is dishing up the gruel n[ow. I smell it! Don’t you?” The young man -sniffed .the air, and his face lighted up with the expression of a hungry and expectant stomach. “ That most prominent odor—the one nearest to you—is the stuffin’ for [the duck! You like stuffed duclc, ^ o n ^ y o u ?” “ I ’m f 6 nd‘of duck,” ventured the young .man, drawing his coat-sleeve across hi? watering mouth. “That’s good! I thought you’d like duck. Them’s what the children of Israel fed on when they went down into Turkey—if I recollect rightly.” Sanseript reconnoitered from the comer of his left eye for the' effect of his first theo- ibgical shot. You see he was not quite sure he had hit the bull’s-eye. But the young man smiled and nodded, which added con­ fidence to the host’s assurance. “ Had we not better transact a little busi­ ness before dinner, Mr. Sanseript -?” “ Oh! ah! certainly! to be sure ! How stupid in me, now! I never thought about it that you always have prayers first. Shall I call in Mrs. Sanseript, or can you and I do it alone ? The old woman can hardly leave off her cooking, and if she should get tang­ led up iq that long prayer of her’n, every­ thing would burn into a cracklin’ !” “Excuse me,” stammered tlje young man, as he flushed and took pn a wild, dazed sprt ; ft of look—“ excuse me, sir, but I never 'said a prayer in my life.” ■* “ What ? Never said—O h ! ypu’re jok- i >» mg ‘ ‘ Uppn my word Fm not, much as ashamed to own it.” I am Sanseript stroked his chin* tried hard to { ground he inquired collect his scattered ^thoughts, and mentaUy obsen'ed: , / “ Well! here’s a ------ of apreaeffier! Nev- -ex- prayedA- wbgMJiiureh ; to ?” ; “ I thought 'maj'be you’d like to sub­ scribe,” mildly continued the young man. ‘ ‘ S ubscribe! Oh, yes! to be sure ! Why certainly! Then tp-himself; “ The mer­ cenary villain! He strikes me for a fiver before ’the dust settles.” Thqn aloud: “ This is for'the heathen, I suppose ?” “ Beg pardon!” : “ To send some one into Hottentot to save I . i - . ' souls that are hopelessly lost ?” “ I don’t exactly catch your meaning.” “ For the missionary fund, I suppose ?” “ Which missionary fund ?”' • “ How should11 know? ; Any of. ’em, I • , - t ' . # *. > guess. You ought to know;” “ Perhaps. But will you subscribe?” ‘‘ Why, cert. ! • H : w much is it ?” Seven dollars.” I Sanseript went do.wrx into his pocket, pro­ duced the money, and it over as .he quotedj: “ Blessed is he that giveth to the poor, fjor he shall have his reward. ” “ Tliank you !” smiled the young man, ratnining the bills down into his pocket. “ When shal^I defiver the book ?” “ What book?” It was Sanscript’s turn now'to be puzzled. ‘t Why, “The Meandering Muleteers ; or, The Mystery of the Murdered Man,’’ -in three volumes.” - A light seemed to be breaking hr on Sam Script’s horrified mjmd. He grasped the ' poker, and hoarsely whimpered: (t Young m a n ! Who are you ? What are you ?” The visitor took the precaution to arise .and slide toward the door before he answered (he was no doubt benefitted by the exper­ ience of a busy life) : “ I ’m agent for this book under my arm-^the —” “ And you’re not a preacher ?” “ No, s ir ! ” “ Well, dum my b u ttons!” . There was a rush, a scurry of feet, the openijig of the door, a dull thud, as if leather and flesh had come Sfto violent collision, and two men went tumbling down the front steps to the pavement. Sanseript wasn't one of them. . * , '*3 r ^ , o I .* .The book agent’s exit was so violent and sudden that a man coming up th”e steps at ‘ that moment hadn’t time to get out pf the way. Both went rattling and rolling down together. The new visitor picked Up Ms “stovepipe,” dusted his breeches with M s hands, jand looked wbnderihgly, after the book agent, who was limpipg away down the ’street as fast-as exhausted expecting some infernal machine to be sprung upon him at every step. He rang the bell carefully, as though it were a house of mourning. .Sanseript again came to the door. , . . “ Well, sir?” ’ The visitor fairly jumped loose from his skin in affright. “ Is this where Mr, Sanspript lives ?” “ What if it is ? What d’ye want ?” “ Softly,' softly, Brother Sanseript. The Good Book says ”— \L “ Oh ! you’re h book agent, too, ore you ? Well, -I’ll soon fix you !” Away went visitor No. 2 after the manner of No. 1 . Ashe slid off the tip of Sanscript’s right boot the horrified voice of his wife arose in an excited ory from the doorway: “ J o h n ! John! What have you done ? Is that the way you treat my minister ?” “ Your minister ! Well, I ’ll be blessed if I didn’t take him for another book a g e n t!” And he shut the door. S t a r t i n g m JBoy. N o *Toke oil H i m It having corpe to fhe attention of some of the workmen in a boiler simp on Larned street, Detroit, that an ©KTvagrant was in the habit of sleeping in an old boiler in the yard, three or four of them came down a t an early morning hour, cut off his retreat by pushing a barrel into'the orifice, and then, armed with sledges and hammers, they made such a din as only boiler-nitakers can. .When they had become tired they pulled away the barrel and looked in. The vag was rubbing his eyes, and. as they called to him he replied : “ Hey ? \What ju soy ? - Was that a fire- alarm ?” • 1 They were by no means satisfied, and..next momiilg they turned on the water used to test boilers and thrust the hose into the. boil­ er. By and by the old chap came crawling out, wet as a rat, and as he landed on the . “ Boyfc, have you got any soap aroupd here?” „ ' ' They gave him a piece used at the wash- -fejsia-j-midr a j lie-crawled back into, the bcifer with it he rem arked: ’ • . * • . “ I t ’s four weeks since this shirt wap washed, and if you gents will let that water run for about fifteen minutes more you’ll be doing me a great favor! I’m sorry to bother you, but I ’ll try not to waste any of the precious fluid !” A. W o m a n ,’8 H e vice. - visitor No, i Mm; cended the stepfj, ducking add dodging asiif ure could oaqry cautiously^ • A few years ago, says an English paper, when highway robberies were more frequent than at present, the passengers of a stage coach, on its way- to town, began to talk about robbers. One gentleman, expressing much anxiety lest he should lose ten guineas, was advised by a lady who sat next to Mm; to take it out of his pocket and slip it into his boot, wMch he did inunediately. -It was not long before the coach was stopped by a Mghwayman, who, riding up to the window on the lady’s side, demanded her money; she declared that she had none, but if he would examine the gentleman’s boot he would there find ten guineas. The gentle­ man submitted quietly, but when the robber had departed he loaded Ms female traveling companion with abuse, declaring her to be in confederacy with, the Mghwayman. . She confessed that appearances were against her, but said if the company in the stagey would sup with her the following evening in town, she would explain a conduct which seemed so mysterious. After some debate, they all accepted herfifivitation; and the next even- ’ mg, in’ calling on her, were ushered into . a magnificent room, .where a very elegant sup­ per,was prepared. When this was over she produced a pocket-book, ^and, addressing the . gentleman who had been robbed, said, “ In tMs book, sir, are bank notes to the amount of a thousand pounds. I thought i t better for you to lose ten guineas than for me to lose this valuable property, wMch I had with me last night. As you. have been the means of saving! it, I entreat acceptance of tMs bank bill of. one hundred pounds.” — ! — .. | —Give us neither poverty nor. riches —-1 anyhow not any poverty. —It is an actual fact demonstrated beyond a doubt, that the sound of a'fiddle in a house, 1 * \ ' i ’ ” / • will drive rats away. You see,‘ the rats don’t own any pi’operty, and can get away as well as not. —A man.has been fouild in New York city who does not, know a needle from a coal scuttle. He can neither hear, see or Walk. i ■ j- 1 ■' ■ ■ . > But if he has not lost the sense of feeling,, he can,teR tfie difference .between $ .needle -rand a. coal scuttle by sitting down on the working end of the former. . A lonesome-looking: boy was hanging around a wood-yard in the northern part of the city of Detroit* when the owner of the yard, having both charity and pMlanthrophy for boys with tears in Ms eyes, asked the lad why he. didn’t peddle apples or do something to earn a few shillings. The boy replied that he had no capital, and the wood-yard man took out a nickel and said: V “ Now, my boy, Fm going to stari you in life. Take this nickel afid go and make a purchase of something or others I ’ll buy it of you for ten, cents, no matter what it is. Goine, now, let’s see what sort of a business head you have on you.’’ The boy took the, nickel and went off but in ten minutes was back wifcfi a. gallon jug which he had purchased with the nickel. “ Well, you are a keener,” replied the man. “ I never saw one of those sold for less than fifteen cents to anyone. I want such a jug, and here’s its fair price. Go now and lay out your fifteen cents in apples and I ’ll buy half your,stock.” The boy did not return. Perhaps he fell into a sewer somewhere; but you can’t make the wood-yard man believe so-> When Me lifted the jug from under the table where the boy had carefully placed it‘ he found a hole in the bottom large enough to let in a black and tan terrier .—Free Press. J o s h m i l i i i g . 8 * P r o v e r b s . Truth iz sed to be stranger than fickshun —it is, to most pholks. The best thing I kno ov iz a fust-rate wife, and the next best fclnhg iz a sekond rate one. The world all praze the philosophers, but toss their pennys into' the’ caps ov the monkeys. • . ‘ There iz two things in this world for Which we^are never fully prepared, and that iz—twins. There iz one\ thing that kah - be -sed in favour ov tite boots—tkeym a k e a man for git all'his other sorrows. 1 ■ ■ > I ne^er .question a mickcem^Diiymore-thoTi. I do the rite ov a bull dog to lie in Ms own gateway. No T don’t. Young 'Man. sett down and keep still, you will hav plentyMv chances yet to make a pkool’bv yourself before you die. How kah yu: expekt to find two people in » 1 ; 'it ‘this world who are alike when yu kant even find one who iz alike haff the- time. A. St/ay o f E x e c u t i o n . ■ . “ Save me, doctor ' a n d ' I ’ll give you a thousand dollars.” : The doctor gave him a remedy, that eased him and he called o u t: “'Keep at it, 'doctor, and I ’ll give you a check for fi v e hun (|red dollars. ’ ’ In-Half 1 an- houf ihdre he was able to sit up,, and he calmly remarked to the doctor: ’ ‘ ‘ Doctor,. I feel like giving you a fifty dol­ lar bill.” , ' . When the doctor' W’as ready to go the sick man Was up and dressed; he Allowed the doctor to the door and said r “ Say, doctor^, send in your bill the first of the month.” ’ Yfken the month had been gathered to Tinje’s bosom, the doctor sent in a bill - amounting to five dollars. He was pressed to cut it down to three, and after so doing he Sued to. get it,-got judgment, and the pa­ tient put in a stay of execution. — “ I don’t like Winter, ”, said one pick­ pocket to another. -“ Everybody has Ms hands in his pockets. ^ * — There is no part of a man wMch Will stand so . many blows as Ms nose. —The foundation for th e ' meanest m«n is laid'when a small boy turns the wormhole in the apple for Ms companion to bite from. —-A schoolmaster sends us a pqem, en­ titled “ Beautiful Snow,” and asks; us, “ W ould$ 10 be too much for tMs?” No: A - r * $10 wouldn’t be a cent too, much. ' Send along the money, ‘ —A hotel sign, npt more 1 than a thousand miles from here, bears; the folio wing, inscrip­ tion : ‘ ‘ H ere’s to Band’s Pen, da SOCi alho —Ur Inh ARM (fres Smiri) HAND: G Lee, LeT . FR ieNd S H IP rEi-GN, AN Devil’s PEAK OF No n e.” : ' —A poor Irish woman applied to a: lady for a flower or two to p u t in the hands of ’ her dead infant, and. when a handsome bou­ quet was handed to her, she- offered to pay for it, which was declined, when, with a . look full of gratitude, exclaimed: “May the Lord meet you at the gate- of heaven with a erowuLof roees!’?(. Nothing epuld/be more touebingly beautiful as well^aspoeticali

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