{ title: 'Cape Vincent eagle. (Cape Vincent, N.Y.) 1872-18??, May 02, 1872, Page 10, Image 10', download_links: [ { link: 'http://www.loc.gov/rss/ndnp/ndnp.xml', label: 'application/rss+xml', meta: 'News about NYS Historic Newspapers - RSS Feed', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031538/1872-05-02/ed-1/seq-10/png/', label: 'image/png', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031538/1872-05-02/ed-1/seq-10.pdf', label: 'application/pdf', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031538/1872-05-02/ed-1/seq-10/ocr.xml', label: 'application/xml', meta: '', }, { link: '/lccn/sn83031538/1872-05-02/ed-1/seq-10/ocr.txt', label: 'text/plain', meta: '', }, ] }
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gteari&raagBggjtaOTg^ ^^JM*aAU^<^&ianfiSi^iii^ r ittinrrfrw^itii \5TOXJ c ? 1 wouldn't give uracil for a girl who would follow Sucli fashions a s our girls do— Who dross la the finest of silk, then he- sides Wear bracelets that shine a s if new ;— I wouldn't give much for- this girl- Would you? •I wouldn't give touch for the girl who \would bend, As graceful us CJrecianers do; Who struts down th e street to exhibit her feet, While th e boys stand with eyes all askew ;— •I-Wouldn't give much for this girl— Woul-l you? I wouldn't give much for the girl wlio would try To cut herself almost in two, With the hope that she'll o'or3iea» , Somo<- body say \That's a nice little Waist, I tell you;\ I wouldn't give much for this girl-- Would you? And the girls Who ought t o Wear shoes number four, Tet torture themselves with a two > Andtheu With the Boston limp, oaWard Wiey go, With the grace of a kangaroo J— I wouldn't give much for this girl— Wouluyou? •1 wouldn't give much for the girl who. Would cut Such extras a s most of them do ; \'Who tries to convince al l the gents that their hump Is the natural flesh as i t grew ;— •I wouldn'tgive muchfor ail such— Would you ? &x*iFFnsrots. 'Two porcupines make one prickly •pair. Druggists are not inappropriately -called the pillars of society. An unlucky person, on being ask- 'cd what he cleared on a certain spec- ulation, answered, \My pockets.\ The most direct method of deter- mining horse power. Stand behind ; and tickle his hind legs with a briar. People are advised to take things ! as they come. Some have waited, dong and they don't come. It's bet- ter to go after \them. A bride in Indiana, after the con- clusion of the- marriage ceremony, stepped gracefully forward and re- quested the clergyman to give out the hymn, \This is the way I long have sought.\ Lawyer 0. (entering the office of his friend Dr. M., and speaking in a .hoarse whisper)—\JYed I've got such a cold this morning that I can't speak the truth.\-—Dr. M.—\Well I'm glad its nothing that Tjlll intei-- fere with your business.\ Landlady—\Oh! sir, the foreign gent up stairs has such a beautiful 'armonium. It's got twenty stops.\ Inflicted lodger—\Well I don't doubt your word, but I've been lis- tening to it a fortnight, and haven't heard one of 'em myself.\ Perkins will get tight occasional- ly, much to the astonishment of him- self and friends. \For years,\ said he, \it was unaccountable tome, for I never did drink but a mouthful or two; and the cause never did strike aise until I measured my mouth and found that it held a pint.\ A young lady once married a man by ike name of dust, against the wish of her parents. After a short time they lived unhappily together, and she returned to her father's house; but he'refused to receive her, saying: •\Dust thou art, and unto Dust thou shalt return!\ And she got up and \dusted.\ GONDITIONOI'A BASE- B-A-Ijli OI/CTB. Tho Cleveland Leader gets off the following on the Forest Oity nine of that city : \The pitcher for the summer of 18T2 has been practicing For sever- al weeks outside of the' city limits, and, though not feeling well, can now, throw a regulation ball with such -swiftness that it cannot be seen unless covered with phospho- rus 5 and often the friction occa sioned by its passing through the air causes a heat so great as to bum the ball to ashes be- fore it reaches the catcher, who on- ly finds a mass of cinder in his hand. The assistant or reserve pitcher has been prcticing but a few weeks, but he can throw a ball through eighteen inches of oak plank now; and, if he keeps on, the man on dock will be compelled to incase; his stomach in a monitor turret and other armor , or suifer the conse- quences. The catcher has been for three weeks past engaged in breaking up pig iron at the Newburg rolling- •woavc^a-iQ-. The obstinate woman sets to sea in a band-box. The patient woman roasts an ox with a burning glass. The curious woman would like to turn a rainbow oyer, to see what there wa6 on the other side. The vulgar woman is a spider at- tempting to spin silk. The cautious woman writes her promises on a slate. The envious woman kills herself in ,endeavoring to laee tighter than her neighbors. The extravagant woman burns a .wax f candle in looking for a bicifer [jnatqh. .The -foolish woman loves golden f dross : better-than the sparkling dia- monds of .the heart. The 'happy woman died in a deaf $iid dumb asylum _ye.ars age. mills, and to still further toughen his hands he allows the big twenty ton trip hammer to drop on them two hours each day; they are now about the size of a windmill, and if a ball gets by him it will be by traversing the atmosphere of an ad- joining county. The reader can gamble on this. , The first baseman is trying the diet system to steady his nerves, and can let a government mule kick him with both feet all day in the abdo- men without winking. He will nev er move his foot from a sand bag unless in the line of his duty, and a runner for the first base may light on him like a night hawk on a June- bug without making him swerve a hair. The second baseman has devel- oped himself more especially for miscellaneous and active service.— He can stand on his head, catch a ball with his feet, reverse his posi- tion and knock a grasshopper off from a mullen stalk at eighty rods, nine times out of ten. There will be no use in arunner trying to dodge him, for he has globe sights on his nose, and can plumb a man in the hull or rigging just as he chooses. The short stop is probably the best man for this position that can be found this side of the Suez Canal, He is short himself, and has lived on pie-crust all winter, can turn thirteen somersaults without spit- ting on his hands, and catch a ball with eaqual facility in either hand or his teeth. The third baseman has been mak- ing sourkrout and riding a veloci- pede all winter, to developethe mus- cles of his lower limbs, which are immense and give him the appear- ance of being troubled with elephan- tiasis. But don't fool yourself, he can run down a giraffe in three min- utes, and can bat a ball so far that his opponents never think of chas- ing them the same day they are hit, but proceed with a new ball. The three fielders have been frisk! ing about in the country all winter, and drinking angle.warm oil to give supleness to their limbs. They go on all fours faster than many pro- fessionals can run, and are so lim ber that circusmen die off like sheep after seeing them perform once. The scorer for the present year has been selected as the champion whittler of the state. He has pur- chased a bran new jacknife, two thousand Shingles, and will keep his notches on the double entry plan, i. e. one entry for the other side and two cuts for his own.\ TBCEJ Q-IJSxT OF THE PE- KIOD -A.T I'rEsKnpl.A.rEsro. The Poet of the Breakfast Table gives ' this vivid description of the manner in which a girl of the pe* riod make$ ready to play and plays her grand piano: \It was a young woman, with us many white muslin flounces round her as the planet Saturn has rings, that did it» She gave the music stool a twirl or two and fluffeddown on it like a whirl of soap suds in a hand-basin. Then she pushed up' her cuffs as if she was going to fightfor the champion's belt. Then she worked her wrists and hands—to limber 'em, I sup- pose—and spread out her fingers till they looked as though they would pretty much cover the key-board, from the growling end to the little squeaky one. Then those two hands of her's made a jump at the keys as if they were a couple of ti- gers \coming down on a flock of black and white sheep, and the piano gave a great howl as if its tail had been trod on. Dead stop—so still you could hear your hair growing. Then another jump, and another howl, as if the piano had two tail and you had trod on both of 'em at once, and a clatter and scramble and string of jumps, up and down, back and forward, one hand over the oth- er, like a stampede of rats and mice more than like anything I call music.\ X- XT C 3S -X\ \TJ 3XT i. XT O IS \2\ On the-28th of November, 1870, (says the Chicago Times), Jason McOord, a wealthy gentleman of Chicago, departed this life. Be- fore his death he made no will, and it was left for the Courts to say who should inherit his riches. An ap- praisal of his real and personal property showed that he had died worth upwards of |600,000. Outside of Chicago, some eight- een miles or more, there has lived for many years a poor, hard-work- ing farmer named John McOord.— Despite his toiling .and his constant -tilling of the soil, \Unlucky John,\ as his neighbors called him, grew poorer and poorer. The only thing in which he prospered was in the rais- ing or a large family. Horses and cattle sickened and died, but chil- dren to'tne number of ten lusty hoys and girls were born beneath their father's unlucky star. A few weeks since, the court de- cided that John McOord, brother of the deceased, was heir to all his pos- sessions. And the farmer, who is no more \Unlucky John,\ but \Lucky Mister McCord,\ is often ceen, dressed in a fine suit of clothes, in the County Clerk's office, wait- ing until the last entry is made in the titlo books, to take full posses- sion. SA,VBD B~5T Xa-A.XTC3-I3:TBR,. Some persons possess keen per- ceptions of the ridiculous; but we doubt whether it ever serves thorn a better turn than it did in the cure of a certain lady.supposed to be dymg. Her friends were summoned to her bedside, and the physician stood with his finger on her pulse, which was becoming almost imperceptible, when some person present, in the agony of the moment, uttered a sound which a lady afterwards de- scribes as \a howl and a snort com- mingled.\ This so acted upon the risibles of the dying woman as to produce a hysterical convulsion.— -To use her own words, \she laughed all over, and shook with laughter, witho'ut being able to move a muscle of her face.\ The result was that an immediate reaction took place. The astonished physician found the pulse becoming stronger, and the clammy skin to be covered with perspiration. Stimulants were ad- ministerad, and in clue time she fully recovered. She still lives to relate, in an amusing way, her almost mir- aculous escape from death ; but she says the circumstances also impress- ed her with the extreme caution that should be used in a sick room, where people are supposed to be un- conscious of what is passing around them, since at n'o time was she deaf to the the expressions of grief and concern uttered by her. friends, or to the opinions they expressed in re- gard to her condition,and the pros- poet of her recovery. .-.T-rr —-,4 ««at-» , » . A CLOSE RESEMBLANCE.—-A brief letter from Dorchester, Ma3S., , to the Boston Advertiser, tells the following : \There are in this town twin brothers, whose resemblance to each other is so strong that Strang' ers can hardly tell them apart. They\ keep a grocery and provision store, and Were one day bringing in bags of meal from a wagon, which was out of sight from inside the store —' Nathan had his coat on, but Eli was in his shirt-sleeves. A strang- er in the shop watched them coming in and going out one after \the oth- er, but only one was visible at a time, and at last he exclaimed to Eli, 'Well you're the smartest man I ever saw; but why -do you keep putting on and taking off your coat V These brothers and several other men were in the. habit of gettin in the \Reservoir Pond,\ and once Ely going, as was his wont, to Na- than's house, to call him, by tap- ping on the pane, saw his own face reflected from the glass, and taking it for his brother, called out, 'Come on; they're all waiting for you.' \ IISURANCE COMPANY, WATERTOWN, NT.Y. Cash Capital, - - - - $250,000. LOVELAND PADDOCK, President, GIMJEHOY LOHD, 1st Vice President, Sso. L. BAKHK, 2nd Vice President, OJU N O. FROST, .Secretary, GKO. F. PADDOCJS, TreasMW, DANIBI. O.\GaM0>f General Agents L. S. HAMMOND, Agent, Cape Vincent, N. Y. CHEAPEST AND MOST MKECT ROUTE ' TO THE WEST! - Grand Trunk Railway Line. Two Express trains leave Kingston daily on arrival of the Kerry Boat from Cape Vincent, connecting at Detroit K'itll Railway lines Tor all points Month and West. Also- at Pert fbtt* nia with a line of First. Class, poTverfulStenm- OI'K for Chicago, Milwaukee and other points on Lake Huron, Michigan and Superior. This route offers the GREATEST INDUCEMENTS to families and others going west, the fare be- ing as low as by any other, while a saving of from 3 to -1 days time Is effected over any All Water Boute, And the tedious delays incident to tho Navi- gation of the Welland Canal, mid Detroit and .St. Clair rivers are avoided. No pains will be spared to render this the most popular and attractive route to the West, Passengers ticketed, and baggage cheeked tlirough to all important points, West or Southwest. For farther particulars apply to G. W. WARREN & CO., Cape Vincent, N. Y. April 25,1S72. CHANGE OF BASE! An, experience of 16 years, has led me t o be- lieve that the best interest of all is the Cash System. One price to all and no* abatement is the only safeandhon- ablo principle to do business on. Therefore, on and after .April 1st. 1872, I shall sell goods strictly for cash, and have marked down my stock- to moetthat basis, at a small advance on cost, thereby saving to the lrurchser lO to 15 per cent,, which is more than saved in Expenses, viz: Book-keeper and Collecting; goods sold and not charged; and atleast 31-8 per cent, for bad debts. TIlJSZrmBLESIXPJSXOEBETTJSRTKAJS* THE SLOW SHILLING. One dollar in hand -worth two on books. Call and Examine goods and prices and judge for yourselves, whether you purchase or not. All persons havina unsettled accounts are re- quested to settle the same at once or they will be left with an officer for collection. B. A. AINSWOJRTH, ONE 3PRIOE! CASH STORK. m-\ small amount of Cash will buy a, great many goods a t * b AINBWORTH'S One Price CashSiore. Encourage HOME ENTERPRISE! Subscribe for your lo- cal paper f The CAPE VtttcMT EA- GLB will contain as much General news as any pa- per in the County, be- sides giving all Local oc- currences of importance. In POLITICS the EAGLE will fee In- dependent. Itffptfrtfent tuoteffients of either party Trill be given, so that its readers -will be well posted po- litically. Nothing partizan, how- ever, will\ appear in its columns. Its Miscellaneous matter -will be carefully and judiciously selected, comprising the best of Poetry and Prose. Each number will contain interesting Stories, Sketches, etc. TERMS!; $2.00 per Annum IN ADVANCE. Ames & Hart, Publishe s, Cape Vincent, N. Y*
